


Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye

by doctornineandthreequarters



Series: Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, F/M, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e05 Rage, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Protective Athena Grant, Protective Maddie Buckley, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 61,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24734989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: It wasn’t the first time he felt unwanted. In fact, it was an all too familiar feeling. But the last time he felt this way, he had left. Run off to South America and wherever else he could find himself. But the one thing that had helped him stop feeling lost, the place where he had found himself, had been ripped away from him.So, why was he still there? What was the point in sticking around?---After the lawsuit, Buck is struggling when he realizes how unwanted he is at work. When he makes the decision to leave, how will everyone react? And to what lengths will they go to get Buck back?
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley & Athena Grant, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942813
Comments: 718
Kudos: 1184





	1. Chapter 1

Buck was tired. 

It wasn’t just a ‘poor night’s sleep’ tired. It wasn't ‘exhausted from a twenty-four shift’ tired. No, he was tired from everything. It didn’t matter if he slept two hours or eight, Buck was tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t felt like this. 

Well, that was a lie. He knew the last time he felt well-rested. It was right after he passed his recertification test, the night before the party and Bobby and Athena’s. He had slept so well, excited to finally be getting his life back, to finally be getting back to what he loved, to be getting back to his family. 

And then he coughed up blood and passed out in their backyard. 

After that, it felt like bad news after bad news. The pulmonary embolism, light duty, the tsunami, Bobby’s revelation that he was keeping back from coming back to the 118, the lawsuit, the grocery store incident. All of that just left Buck feeling exhausted. 

At first, he had tried to prove to them how sorry he was. He had tried to do his best to just do the chores, to not complain or whine because at least he had his job back. But that didn’t matter. Bobby wasn’t letting him back on calls. Eddie avoided him and refused to talk to him. Everyone else at the station whispered when he was around. If it wasn’t for Hen and Chimney, he was sure he would’ve given up weeks ago. But at least they were there, supportive when they could be without ruffling any feathers. But all Buck wanted was forgiveness and for things to go back to normal. 

It didn’t matter how many times he apologized or kept his head down at work, forgiveness was not coming. 

“Buckaroo.” Buck was sitting on the bench in the locker room, drowning in his own thoughts as he often found himself doing. Chimney was the one trying to get his attention.

“Sorry Chim,” Buck said, a quietness to his voice. “What were you saying?”

“I was asking if you were coming to game night,” Chimney said. “Josh is bringing take-out from this great Indian place he found.”

“Oh um.” Buck’s voice drifted off as Eddie walked into the locker room. As always, he didn’t even spare a glance at Buck. It was like Buck was invisible to Eddie. And that hurt so damn much. “I don’t think I can make it.” Chimney raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, sorry.”

“You know Maddie’s going to call you and ask why.”

“I know,” Buck said with a sigh. “I just...I can’t.” He grabbed his bag and exited the locker room. As he walked out, he heard the whispers that always followed him, the words like ‘traitor’ and ‘bad luck Buck’. 

And all of it just left him feeling exhausted.

* * *

As Buck sat in his empty apartment, he let out a long sigh. He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t keep going to a place where most people hated him. He couldn’t keep coming home to an empty apartment where nobody reached out. 

Maddie tried, Buck knew she did. But between work and her relationship, sometimes it was just texts and not calls. She had, like Chimney pointed out, texted Buck to see if he was okay. Buck had simply texted back stating he was just a little tired and needed to catch up on sleep. Maddie had accepted that, sending back a simple heart. 

He knew he should’ve been more honest with Maddie. He wondered if she actually knew how hard of a time he was having. Chimney saw first hand what Buck was going through. Did Maddie know and not care? Or was Buck just doing a good job acting like he was fine with it all?

The truth was, he wasn’t fine with it. He had worked so hard to get back to a family that didn’t want him. A family that would’ve rather seen him stuck behind a desk than doing what he loved. A family that had so easily replaced him with a new face and a piece of tape. 

It wasn’t the first time he felt unwanted. In fact, it was an all too familiar feeling. But the last time he felt this way, he had left. Run off to South America and wherever else he could find himself. But the one thing that had helped him stop feeling lost, the place where he had found himself, had been ripped away from him. 

So, why was he still there? What was the point in sticking around?

He looked at his stupid apartment. It had looked so cool and inviting when he had first toured the place with Ali. But now? Now, he hated it. It, like everything else in his life, was a reminder of the bad, of the things that exhausted him.

He couldn’t stay there. Not in the apartment, not in the 118, not in Los Angeles. He needed to go.

So, that was what he was going to do. 

* * *

It wasn’t an easy process, preparing to leave. First, he had to get rid of all his furniture. He gave the TV to his elderly neighbor who recently told him hers broke. He reached out to his old roommates about the dishes and couch, which they happily took off his hands. He managed to sell the bedframe and the dresser. After a few days, it was just a mattress and the things he wanted to keep. 

He started living out of a backpack, glad that he had kept his giant pack from his days in South America. It had maybe two weeks worth of clothes in it, as well as some mementos he didn’t want to part with. The rest was donated or stored. When he had put the items in the storage unit, he wondered if he’d ever come back to it. Maybe he’d just leave it there until one day, some dumb reality show about people who buy storage lockers would find it. Not that anyone would want it. It was just junk he didn’t need anymore. 

The hardest part was not telling anyone what he was up to. Sure, Bobby and Eddie didn’t care or notice. But Chimney was suspicious. Buck wasn’t letting Maddie come to his apartment, making excuses for why she shouldn’t. Hen must’ve noticed something was up to. She was constantly inviting him over for dinner or asking if he wanted to grab a drink after work. But he said no each time. It would be easier to push them away now, so that his leaving didn’t come as too much of a shock.

On his last day at the station, he didn’t say anything. He knew the paperwork from the chief would go through the next day. He wanted to be long gone by the time anyone knew what was up. No one even noticed that he showed up to work in an Uber (he had sold his Jeep). As most people continued to ignore him, Buck knew his decision was right. He knew the bus ticket burning a hole in his pocket had been the right choice.

“Buckaroo!” He was walking out, after another shift of whispers and being ignored and being relegated to cleaning duty, when Hen and Chimney approached him. He could see Eddie lurking by his car. “We’re all going to a bar for drinks and appetizers. Maddie and Josh are going to come after they're done too.”

“You should come,” Hen said, a sweet smile on her face. “It’ll be fun.”

“I promised my neighbor I’d help her set up some new furniture,” Buck said, the lie so easily falling off his tongue. Hen frowned a little and Buck sighed. “Sorry.”

“You sure?” Chimney asked. Buck glanced to the side, feeling like Eddie was boring a hole into his head. Just seeing that empty look on his former best friend’s face….he sighed.

“Positive.” Chimney pursed his lips, like he wanted to say something, but just sighed. 

“Alright,” He said. “But Maddie wants you to come over for dinner soon.”

“Sounds great.” Chimney nodded and then they were gone. Buck stood in the parking lot as all the cars pulled away, staring at the station.

Then, with a shake of his head, he turned and walked away.

* * *

It was dark outside as he sat in the bus station. His bus was set to leave in a few minutes. He stared at his phone, knowing he only had a few things left to do. 

So, he dialed the first number. 

“ _Hello_?” 

“Hey Bosko,” Buck said. “Sorry to call you randomly, I just need to ask you something.”

“ _Okay_.” Lena’s voice sounded confused, but it was clear she was willing to listen. 

“I had my last shift at the 118 today,” Buck began. “And I know someone’s already reached out to you about covering for an open spot there. I just...Look out for Eddie, okay? He’s got Christopher to think about.”

“ _Buckley, what’s going on_?”

“Just promise me you’ll look out for him,” Buck begged. “And please, don’t tell anyone I called you. Not yet at least.” He heard Lena sigh.

“ _Damn Buckley. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry_ .” Buck sighed. “ _I’ll keep an eye on Diaz._ ”

“Thanks Lena.” And then he ended the call. 

One down, two to go.

* * *

“ _Well if it isn’t my favorite handsome firefighter_ .” Buck chuckled as Carla picked up the phone. “ _Been a minute since I heard from you_.”

“Yeah sorry,” Buck said, a sadness to his voice. “Been busy. Look, I know you’re watching Christopher right now. Is there any way I could talk to him?”

“ _I think he’d rather see you_ ,” Carla said and Buck sighed. Yeah, he’d rather see Chris in person. But this was easier. Made it hurt less. “ _But I’ll go grab him_.” He heard some quiet sounds on her end, followed by a giggle.

“ _Buck_?” Buck felt a tear prick at the side of his eye. God, he was going to miss Christopher so much.

“Hey Superman,” Buck said, trying to smile. 

“ _I miss you Buck_ .” He bit back the sob that was threatening to bubble up. “ _Why don't you come to our house anymore. Are you and daddy not friends anymore_?”

“No, I’ve just been busy,” Buck said, wiping a few tears away. 

“ _Can you come visit soon_?” Buck nearly burst hearing that. How he wished everything could go back to normal and he could have those movie nights back with Eddie and Christopher. They had been everything to him and then he ruined it all. Eddie would never let him back into that house, no matter how hard Buck begged. It didn’t matter how much he loved both of them, he had ruined it. 

“Listen buddy,” Buck said, his voice soft to hide that he was crying. “I just wanted to call and say hi and just let you know how much I...I care about you, okay?”

“ _Buck_?”

“Can you give the phone back to Carla?” There was silence, followed by some rustling.

“ _Buck, what’s going on_? Carla’s voice was filled with concern. 

“Just take good care of them, both of them.” And then he ended the call. He buried his head in his hands, trying to stop the sobs threatening to rip through him. 

He sniffed and lifted his head up, wiping the tears away. Two down, one to go.

* * *

This was going to be the hardest call. Buck knew that. But he had to do it anyway. So he dialed the number, his lip already quivering.

“ _Hey you_ .” Maddie’s cheerful voice answered and Buck swallowed, trying not to break down already. “ _We missed you tonight.”_

“Maddie.” And then a sob ripped through him.

“ _Buck? Buck, what’s wron_ g?” He could hear the concern in her voice. He could hear her moving around, probably looking for her keys to go to his apartment. 

“Maddie, I just need you to listen to me, okay?”

“ _Buck._ ”

“Maddie, please,” He begged and he heard a sniffle on the other end. “I...I’m leaving LA, Maddie. I can’t stay here anymore. Not when I don’t have anything left here.”

“ _What about your job? What about your friends? Me.”_ Buck squeezed his eyes shut, his tears blurring his vision.

“Maddie I love you, but you have Chimney.” He tried to wipe the tears away, but they kept falling. “The 118 doesn’t need me anymore. They certainly don’t want me around. I just...I have to go.”

“ _Buck, please_.” He could hear his sister crying and that nearly wrecked him. But then he heard a boarding announcement for his bus.

“I’m sorry Maddie. I love you.” Then he hung up the call before she could get another word in. He knew Maddie was going to call him back, so he turned the phone off. He stared at it before getting up. He was leaving LA and no one was going to stop that. He headed towards the doors, seeing the bus waiting outside. As he passed by a garbage can, he threw his phone in it. He’d get a new phone eventually and maybe even call Maddie. 

But for now, he needed to disappear. And he needed to make sure no one found him. 

With one last look at the city, Buck sighed before getting onto the bus, ready to leave that godforsaken city forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What about your job? What about your friends? Me.” He couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t. Not after they finally were back in each other’s lives. Not after things were okay and they were finally finding the family they had deserved all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind reviews for chapter 1! You guys are wonderful :D

Maddie sighed as she poured herself a glass of water. She was a little tipsy, but mostly just tired. They had had fun at the bar, chatting and laughing over beers and wine. She had wished Buck had come with. She actually wished she had seen more of her brother. She couldn’t remember the last time she spent more than an hour with Buck.

She smiled when her phone started buzzing, a picture of Buck popping up. 

“Hey you,” Maddie said with a smile.

“ _Maddie_.” Maddie froze. Something was wrong. She could hear it in her brother’s voice. 

“Buck? Buck, what’s wrong?” He sounded so sad and so scared. She looked around the kitchen for her keys, ready to run to his apartment and let him know that whatever was wrong, that they could fix it, together.

“ _Maddie, I just need you to listen to me, okay?_ ”

“Buck _._ ”

“ _Maddie, please_ .” She felt herself tear up, hearing how broken he sounded. “ _I...I’m leaving LA, Maddie. I can’t stay here anymore. Not when I don’t have anything left here_.” Maddie gasped, tears falling down her cheeks.

“What about your job? What about your friends? Me _.”_ He couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t. Not after they finally were back in each other’s lives. Not after things were okay and they were finally finding the family they had deserved all along.

“ _Maddie I love you, but you have Chimney._ ” Maddie wanted to scream at him, to remind him of all the people he had, who loved him. “ _The 118 doesn’t need me anymore. They certainly don’t want me around. I just...I have to go_.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He had never said that anything was wrong at work. Chimney had said he was quiet and that he wasn’t on calls yet, but never seemed too concerned.

“Buck, please.” Maddie was basically begging. She needed Buck to listen to her, to not run away.

“ _I’m sorry Maddie. I love you_.” 

“Buck!” She shouted as the call went dead. A sob tumbled out as her whole body started to shake with tears. 

“Maddie?” Chimney was running into the room, concern on his face. “What’s…” He saw the state she was in, fear on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Buck,” She cried out as Chimney crossed to her. “He’s...he’s leaving. I can’t..I can’t lose him!” Chimney pulled her into a hug as she broke down. 

She didn’t understand what was happening. All she knew was her brother was running away and she couldn’t stop him.

* * *

Eddie sighed as he entered the house, ignoring the pain in his ribs. He’d won another fight and a couple hundred bucks for his effort. He knew the street fighting was stupid and could get him into a lot of trouble, but he couldn’t stop. 

As he stepped into the living room, he saw Carla sitting on the couch, an odd look on her face. 

“Carla?” She looked up, pursing her lips. She said nothing as she stood up, gathering her things. “Everything okay with Christopher?” She looked at him for a second, almost pondering what to say, before sighing. 

“He was an angel as always,” She said. “I’m off tomorrow, but I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Yeah.” He watched her, wondering what was going on. There was something she wasn’t saying. But, she kept quiet and left the house. Eddie went to the door and locked it, trying to push whatever that was out of his head. Carla had given up on asking Eddie why he wasn’t talking to Buck. He knew she was aware of the lawsuit and everything that had happened between the two of them. But she also didn’t understand where Eddie’s head was at. 

Sometimes, he didn’t either. 

He walked down the hallway and quietly opened Christopher’s door. His son looked peaceful and he smiled a little. He was about to walk away when he heard a small noise. 

“Daddy?” He sighed and walked in, sitting down on the bed. Christopher held his arms out and Eddie hugged him. 

“Everything okay mijo?” Christopher shook his head, hugging Eddie a little tighter. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Christopher asked quietly. Eddie glanced down at his son. Even in the dark, he could see the sad look on Christopher’s face. Maybe that’s what Carla hadn’t told him. Maybe Christopher had another nightmare and she didn’t want to bring it up at the moment. He sighed and kissed Christopher’s head before scooping him up. Christopher just wrapped his arms around Eddie’s neck, letting his head settle against his father’s shoulder. He carried Christopher down the hall and into his room. 

He was grateful that he was already wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, so he wouldn’t have to change. He gently set Christopher down on the bed before lying down next to him. The boy scooted as close as he could to Eddie. Eddie just pressed a kiss into his son’s hair, before running his hand through the boy’s hair a couple of times. Something was wrong, but they were both tired and could talk about it in the morning. 

For now, he’d just hold his son close, as they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Christopher hadn’t said anything in the morning. He was painfully quiet during the whole morning routine. His only words were a ‘love you’ as Eddie dropped him off at school. He was considering scheduling an appointment with Christopher’s therapist as he walked into the station. Those thoughts melted away when he saw Chimney. 

The man looked absolutely devastated. And something about that twisted a knot in Eddie’s stomach. 

“Chim, everything okay?” Chimney just shook his head as Hen approached, the same concerned look on her face. He was about to ask again, when he saw Lena Bosko walk into the station. “Bosko, what are you doing here?”

“I work here now,” Bosko said, a sad look on her face. Eddie looked back at Chimney who sat on the bumper of the ambulance, covering his face. The knot only twisted tighter. Chimney was upset. Lena was at the station. He looked around, realizing the connecting factor.

Where was Buck?

“What do you mean?” Hen asked. Lena sighed and then nodded towards Bobby, who was walking towards them. 

“Ask the Captain.” Eddie felt his chest growing tight seeing the look on Bobby’s face. Bobby, who was always so calm and even-tempered, looked like he had just seen something awful.

“Cap,” Eddie managed to get out, his throat tight with fear. “What’s going on?”

“I just got an email from the Chief,” Bobby began, remorse in his voice. “Buck resigned. Effective immediately. Asked for Bosko to fill his place.” Eddie felt like he had been slapped in the face. Buck had quit? He was about to say something when Chimney let out a sound. Everyone turned towards him and saw that he was crying. 

“Chim.” Hen was sitting next to him, trying to comfort him. He shook his head. 

“He called Maddie last night,” Chimney said, trying to calm himself down. “He called her to tell her he was leaving.”

“Leaving?” Hen asked, a broken sound in her voice. “Why?”

“He told her we didn’t need him anymore,” Chimney said, looking at Bobby and Eddie. “He said we don’t want him around.”

“Oh god,” Bobby said quietly. “We...we did this.” He looked at the three of them, a mournful expression on his face. Eddie felt something in him snap as the tears started to fall. He had spent weeks ignoring Buck, refusing to listen to him or accept his apology. He had let anger take over, choosing to punch and fight, instead of talking to his best friend. 

And now Buck was gone. Buck was gone and he didn’t know if any of them would ever see him again.

* * *

Athena tried to keep her emotions neutral as she approached Buck’s apartment. Maddie had called her that morning in a crying panic, saying she needed her to come to Buck’s apartment. Athena was nervous. Buck had been through so much in the last six months. But Maddie’s voice, something about her voice had made Athena more scared than she could remember.

“Maddie?” Athena called, entering the apartment. She could hear the echoes of someone crying. Athena braced herself, terrified of what she was going to find. 

She didn’t expect it to be Maddie crying in an empty apartment. 

“What-” Athena started, looking around. 

“He’s gone,” Maddie said, tears streaming down her face. “He called me last night and said he was leaving. I thought...I wanted to believe it was just a trip or that he needed some time to clear his head. But…” She looked around the empty space as a sob came out. Athena stepped forward and hugged Maddie tightly, the brunette sobbing into her shoulder. 

“I need him here,” Maddie cried. “I can’t...we lost so much time. I need…”

“Look at me, Maddie.” Athena had to stay calm, had to put her sergeant cap on and not her worried parent cap. “We’re going to find him, okay? We’re going to find our boy and bring him back. I promise.” Maddie nodded and then Athena hugged her again. 

She had no idea what had caused this, but she was damn sure going to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Going on a trip? Or heading home?”
> 
> “Going to find myself. Kind of lost who I am. I kind of lost everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reviews you guys have left me? I'm sobbing. You're all so nice and I love you. <3

Buck sighed as he walked through the small station market. He had barely slept on the bus, too busy crying over his calls with Christopher and Maddie. The bus had been mostly empty, not a lot of people taking a bus after midnight out of Los Angeles. 

As he reached the counter with the snacks he had grabbed, he spotted a prepaid phone. He knew he needed to get one. He couldn’t just not have a phone. Eventually, he’d have to call Maddie. But he needed some more time. 

“They’re garbage, but they do the job.” He looked up at the person behind the register. It was a gruff-looking guy. Buck didn’t say anything and he nodded to the phone. “I can grab it for you, if you want.”

“I’m okay,” Buck said, putting the snacks down on the counter. “Just this will be fine.”

“Going on a trip?” The guy asked. “Or heading home?”

“Going to find myself,” Buck said with a sigh. “Kind of lost who I am. I kind of lost everything.” The cashier regarded him for a second as he rang up the items. Buck just passed him some money. 

Then, the cashier handed him a flyer. Buck studied it, a confused look on his face. 

“Might help you find what you’re looking for,” The guy said. Buck stared at the flyer, before looking back at the cashier. “A lot of wayward souls pass through here. Sometimes, they just need a place to go.” The cashier handed him a bag with his snacks. “It’s a ten minute hike up the road, just past the diner.”

“And how do I know you’re not just sending me somewhere to be murdered?” Buck asked, eyeing the cashier. The cashier laughed and pulled a prepaid phone off the wall display. 

“I don't know what you’ve been through,” The cashier said, handing the package to Buck. “But not everyone in the world wants to hurt you.” Buck just nodded, taking the box and walking out of the store. He stared at the bus and then at the items in his hands. 

Five minutes later, the bus was pulling out of the station and Buck was heading up the road, backpack on his back and the flyer in his hand.

* * *

Athena walked up the stairs in the station. She could see the team sitting at the table, all with saddened looks on their face. She was sure they knew Buck was gone, sure that Chimney had told them what Maddie had told her. 

She cleared her throat as she made it to the table. 

“Athena,” Hen said, looking up at her. Athena noticed Bobby stay put, not greeting her, not even looking at her.

“His apartment’s empty,” Athena said. “Madde called me frantically because the place had been cleared out.”

“This wasn’t something he did impulsively,” Chimney said and Athena nodded. “He planned this.”

“I went to every bus and train station in the city,” Athena said. She pulled something out of her pocket and held it up. “Found this in the garbage of one of them.”

“His phone?” Hen asked and Athena nodded. “So, we can’t even contact him. We can’t even find him.”

“I was hoping the three people he called last night could help me out,” Athena said. “But one of them was Maddie and I don’t recognize the first number he called.”

“It was me.” Everyone looked up as Lena approached the table. “He called me. He told me he was leaving.” Eddie’s eyes filled with rage as he flew up from his seat and was in Lena’s face. 

“You knew he was leaving and you said nothing?” His voice was filled with anger, more anger than anyone had seen. But Lena stood her ground. 

“You gonna hit me Diaz?” She asked, nostrils flaring. “Think you can punch your way through every problem you have?” Eddie stumbled backwards at that as everyone exchanged a look, wondering what she meant by that. “He called me and asked me not to say anything.”

“Why did he call you?” Athena asked and Lena sighed. She looked at Eddie, her anger melting to sadness.

“He called me because he wanted me to know that he asked for me to be moved here,” Lena said. “And he asked me to look out for you.” Eddie bit down on his lip, trying to muffle the cry that wanted to bubble out. He had been terrible to Buck for weeks and yet Buck was still looking out for him. 

“You said there was a third number,” Chimney said. “And clearly, it wasn’t any of us. Who was it?”

“Carla Price.” Eddie spun to face Athena when she said that.

“Why would he…” Hen started but they all saw the look on Eddie’s face. “Eddie?”

“She was watching Christopher last night,” Eddie said, his voice shaky. “She had this look on her face when I got home, but didn’t say anything. And...Christopher...he was so upset.”

“Buck called him to say goodbye.” A sob ripped through Eddie’s throat. Hen was up quickly, pulling him into a hug. Eddie felt like his heart had been shattered into a million pieces. He had chased his best friend out of LA. This was his fault. He had screwed up. 

He couldn’t stop the tears once they started, knowing how badly he had messed up.

* * *

Buck looked down at the flyer before staring at the building in front of him. This seemed like the place. It certainly looked like what the cashier had described. He spotted a few people sitting in the yard, playing cards and laughing. There was a couple sitting on a swing attached to a tree, the girl’s hand on her protruding belly. 

He didn’t know what kind of place it was, but it looked safe enough. 

He walked in, a bell ringing as he did. The inside looked like the front room of a hostel. There were postcards and pictures all over the walls, along with brochures and maps for every destination imaginable. And there was a desk, where a woman about his age was sitting. 

“Welcome to Haven Acres,” She said, offering him a smile. She had brown hair that was pulled back into a bun, a pencil sticking out of her bun.

“Is this a hostel?” Buck asked, approaching the desk. She chuckled and shrugged. 

“Some people see it as that,” She said. “We’re about forty five minutes from San Francisco and there’s enough busses to get you there if you want to visit.” She then noticed the flyer in her hand. “Ray send you?”

“Who?” 

“Big guy at the station?” She asked and Buck nodded. “Ray’s a good guy. What’d he say to get you to come here?”

“He said this place could help me find what I’m looking for.” She nodded, narrowing her eyes, as if studying him. 

“And what is it you’re looking for?”

“Myself.” Her eyes softened and she nodded. 

“Then this might be the place.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a key. “First night’s on the house. Rooms are out back.”

“Just like that?” Buck asked, somewhat surprised. “How do you know I’m not some crazy psycho on the run?”

“There’s a difference between someone on the run and someone running away,” She said, a soft smile on her face. “It’s all in the eyes.” She held out the key and Buck took it. "I'm Lucy. Any questions, let me know."

“I’m Buck.”

“Nice to meet you Buck. And welcome to Haven Acres.” Buck smiled and headed out the way she had pointed. As he walked through the house, he spotted a living room. There were a few people sitting on couches, watching TV. He passed by a bathroom and a small kitchen, before making his way outside.

There were more people outside, sitting at picnic tables or on deck chairs. He even spotted a few people in a swimming pool, which was a little surprising, but not too much. He passed by a small breakfast bar where there were a few ovens and cooking equipment. Buck followed the path past the showers and some more bathrooms before coming across his room number. 

Unlocking the door, he stepped into a room that was the size of his bathroom at his old apartment. There wasn’t much in the room. There was a table, where Buck set his bag down, a bed, and surprisingly, an air conditioner. 

He sighed and sat down on the bed. He pulled the prepaid phone out of his pocket and stared at it. He had turned it on, testing that it worked. But he hadn’t made any calls. 

A part of him wanted to call Maddie, to tell her that she was okay. But he was sure Maddie told Chimney the minute he ended the call, which meant the team knew. They knew that he hadn’t just quit, that he had left town. And as much as he trusted Maddie, he was worried that if she had a new number, it wouldn’t be longer before someone from the 118 got a hold of that number too.

He laid down on the bed with a sigh. He’d call Maddie another time. He couldn’t handle it today.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Uh uh,” Athena said, shaking her head. “You’re going to tell me how it got so bad that that boy decided to leave Los Angeles without saying goodbye to us. Because I know you’re feeling guilty with how you’re disfiguring those vegetables.” Bobby sighed. “Bobby. Talk to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the kind reviews! You guys are so amazing!

“You want to tell me how it got so bad?” Bobby looked up from the vegetables he was attempting to cut. Athena was watching him struggle to focus on cooking. It was just the two of them, May and Harry at Michael’s.

“Athena,” Bobby started, putting the knife down. 

“Uh uh,” Athena said, shaking her head. “You’re going to tell me how it got so bad that that boy decided to leave Los Angeles without saying goodbye to us. Because I know you’re feeling guilty with how you’re disfiguring those vegetables.” Bobby sighed. “Bobby. Talk to me.”

“It’s my fault.” Athena gave her husband a look. “Maddie said he didn’t feel like we wanted him anymore. That’s my fault.”

“He was back at work,” Athena pointed out. “He got his job back.”

“I wouldn’t let him on calls,” Bobby said and Athena sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. “I made him stay behind. I made him check the storage closet or clean the trucks or put away the meals. I didn’t let him do his job.”

“Why?” Bobby shook his head. “Damn it Bobby, why?”

“Because I was terrified, okay?” Athena gave Bobby a look and Bobby dragged his hand down his face. The guilt had been eating him alive since the email came in from the chief. “Athena, he was pinned under that truck because of me. Freddie was after me. I couldn’t...I thought that was going to be another life that I lost. Another person dead because of me.”

“But he was okay,” Athena said, moving so she was in front of Bobby. “He survived.”

“Until he pushed himself so hard he started coughing up blood.” Bobby’s eyes went to the spot in the backyard where Buck had been standing that night. It still haunted him, that look on Buck’s face when the blood started coming out of his mouth, right before he passed out. He couldn’t get that scared look of Buck’s out of his head. “I couldn’t stand watching him get hurt again. I couldn’t...I thought pushing him to light duty would be the end of it. But he fought because damn it, he always does.”

“And you punished him for fighting back.”

“I was scared.”

“And your fear hurt that boy,” Athena said. “Your fear pushed him away from the job he loved and from the people that loved him. I promised Maddie I would find him, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if we’ll ever see him again Bobby.”

“I know,” Bobby said mournfully, leaning back against the counter “And it’s all my fault. If I had just...if I had been honest with him, told him why I needed him to stay back, maybe it would’ve been easier. Maybe he wouldn’t have felt so alone.”

“You should’ve,” Athena said. “Because he didn’t just say that you didn’t want him around. He said the whole station didn’t want him. They followed your lead.”

“They isolated him because of me.” Bobby’s knees started to feel weak, realizing how awful he had been to Buck. He had hurt that kid and had driven him away. He sunk down to the floor, his body shaking. “I’m sorry Athena. I’m so sorry.” Athena was next to him, pulling him into a hug as the tears started to fall. 

He had messed up. And he didn’t know if this was something he could fix or make right.

* * *

Hen sat on the couch, watching Denny as he played. Denny was building Legos, occasionally glancing at his mom and smiling. It should’ve made her happy, but she felt so empty after the news of the day. 

“Hen?” Karen’s voice was gentle as she sat down next to her. “You okay honey?”

“I don’t know how to feel,” Hen said quietly. She had told Karen everything when she had gotten home, crying for what felt like the millionth time today. “I keep replaying every conversation I’ve had with him in the last few weeks. He was quiet, but I didn’t think anything was really wrong. I feel so guilty that I didn’t notice something was really wrong.”

“He hid this for a reason,” Karen said.

“I know,” Hen said. “He didn’t even tell Maddie what was going on.” She sighed. “Sometimes I think we lost the Buck we knew when his leg got pinned. That happy-go-lucky kid that wanted to save as many people as he could and ramble off random, useless facts...I can’t remember the last time I saw that guy.”

“I’m sorry honey.” Hen nodded as Karen pulled her into a hug. She missed Buck. And she wished she had noticed so she could’ve been there for him. But she hadn’t. And now, he was gone. She pushed her glasses away, allowing the tears to fall, as Karen hugged her tightly.

She felt the couch move and attempted a smile when Denny pulled himself up onto the couch to hug them. 

“Thank you baby,” Hen whispered, kissing both of them on the forehead. “Mama needed that.”

“And we’ll be here for whatever you need,” Karen promised. And Hen nodded, just hugging them tighter.

* * *

Eddie walked into the house, exhaustion seeping through his whole body. Abuela was standing in the kitchen and turned when she heard him. As soon as she saw him, she quickly approached him. 

“Edmundo, what’s wrong?” Eddie just shook his head and she pulled him into a hug. A fresh set of tears were threatening to burst out. He was surprised he still had tears to cry after the day they had all had. 

“Daddy?” Eddie pulled away from Abuela, hearing Christopher’s voice. He didn’t bother wiping away the tears as he approached his son. He kneeled down so he was at eye level with his son. 

“I know Buck called you yesterday, mijo,” Eddie said gently. “I wish you had told me.” Christopher reached a hand up, brushing away a tear that had fallen. 

“Buck left, didn’t he?” Christopher asked, his voice so small it made him sound younger than he was. Eddie just pulled Christopher into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry mijo.” Tears slipped down his face as he felt Christopher’s body shake with sobs. He didn’t know how to help his son, other than to just hold him. He knew that if Christopher knew that Eddie was the reason Buck left, then he would never forgive him. He had already lost his best friend, he couldn’t lose his son too. 

So, he just held his son as they both cried, hoping that could be enough for now. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It actually did start out as a hostel,” Lucy explained. “But I realized what was more important was giving people a safe place to go when they had nowhere else to go. A haven of sorts.”
> 
> “Hence the name.” Lucy chuckled and nodded. “It seems like a cool idea on paper.”

“Someone’s an early riser.” Buck approached the breakfast bar the next morning, seeing Lucy cooking. 

“Needed to be for my job,” Buck said, rocking back and forth on his heels.

“So, you stuck it out for the night,” Lucy said, turning to face him. “Think you’ll stay longer?” Buck shrugged.

“Who even owns this place?” Buck asked. “And how can it be sustainable if you don’t charge your visitors for their first night.”

“Well we don’t charge them at all,” Lucy said, going over to the coffee pot. “Coffee?” Buck nodded and she poured two mugs. “And I own the place.” She placed the mug in front of Buck, who looked surprised.

“You own this?” Buck asked and Lucy just nodded. “How?”

“Family money,” Lucy said with a shrug. “My parents were old money rich. Like old school oil baron style. I always hated that they spent their money on lavish and ridiculously unnecessary things. So, when I came into the money, I wanted to spend it on something that mattered.”

“And a place for wayward souls, that’s what mattered?”

“It actually did start out as a hostel,” Lucy explained. “But I realized what was more important was giving people a safe place to go when they had nowhere else to go. A haven of sorts.”

“Hence the name.” Lucy chuckled and nodded. “It seems like a cool idea on paper.”

“It’s worked for the last five years,” Lucy said. “And it’ll keep working until it doesn’t anymore. That’s just life.” Buck smiled, appreciating Lucy’s outlook. “Now, while you decide on whether you’re staying or not, some ground rules: no alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, vapes, or e-cigs on the premise at all times. People who stay help out, either with grocery runs, cleaning, cooking, or tending to the garden that we’ve been attempting to cultivate, but kind of failing at.” Buck chuckled at that. 

“Good to know.”

“Now,” Lucy said. “I have breakfast to make for a small army. Any chance you’re a decent cook?” Buck smiled at that. 

“Breakfast happens to be my speciality,” Buck said, putting the mug down. He joined Lucy on the other side of the breakfast bar and they worked in silence for some time. 

Buck found his thoughts drifting as he cooked. He remembered those days when he’d be in the kitchen of the firehouse, assisting Bobby. Bobby had always chuckled when Buck offered to help, saying he wanted to learn as much as he could. But after the lawsuit, Bobby only spoke to him if he was telling Buck to stay behind or assigning him a chore. 

And then he was remembering cooking in Eddie’s kitchen. He remembered all the times when Christopher would tease his father for his subpar cooking skills. He remembered the boy asking to help, watching Buck as he cooked. He missed those days. He missed Christopher’s giggles filling the room he was in. He missed spending time with Eddie and seeing him smile. A smile that used to make his heart race. 

He had long since admitted that he felt more than just friendship towards Eddie. God, how could he not? It had come to him slowly. He had recognized early on that yes, Eddie was hot. But so was he. But then they began working together so seamlessly. And then they started to spend their time off together, watching movies with Christopher or playing video games. They just fit together. And Buck realized he loved Eddie. 

But Eddie had Shannon and then he lost her. And Buck was an emotional mess on a good day. There wasn’t an appropriate time to tell Eddie. And then the lawsuit happened. He remembered the look on Eddie’s face when Mackey brought up Shannon in that room. He remembered how betrayed Eddie looked. And Buck knew he was going to be angry. He deserved to be yelled at at the grocery store. He was exhausting, he knew that all too well. But he didn’t expect Eddie to just ignore him after that. That was almost worse. Because it meant that Buck had screwed up so bad that he had become invisible to Eddie.

He loved Eddie, but it didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t going back. He couldn’t go back to someone who so easily could look past him, who so easily dropped him without a second thought. That wasn’t love. Buck would have to move on.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of someone running. He turned his head as a little girl ran into the backyard. She tilted her head as she looked at Buck. He just smiled. She was pretty adorable. She had long brown hair that was hanging down by her ears. She had big brown eyes that were watching Buck, as she held a hairbrush and hair ties in her hands. 

“Who’s this little small fry?” Buck asked. The girl pouted at that. 

“I’m not a small fry, I’m a girl.” Lucy chuckled and walked past Buck, scooping her up. 

“You sure are, baby.” The little girl smiled and pressed a kiss to Lucy’s cheek. “But I thought I told you to stay upstairs until breakfast.”

“But you need to do my hair,” The little girl whined. Lucy sighed, a fond smile on her face. 

“When I’m done, okay baby?” Lucy set her down at one of the picnic tables, kissing her head before walking back over to where Buck was cooking. 

“So, you have a daughter,” Buck said. 

“Sophie,” Lucy clarified. “She’s eight.”

“She’s adorable,” Buck said and Lucy chuckled. “But obviously, you know that.”

“She does too,” Lucy said. “Don’t let that face fool you. She will talk you into just about anything.” Buck smirked at that. He glanced back at the little girl. Maybe this place wasn’t LA. Maybe he’d miss Maddie and Christopher. 

But maybe, for now, this place would do.

* * *

Buck walked through the house, some hours later. Breakfast had been great and Lucy had thanked him for helping. He still didn’t know if he wanted to stay. Haven Acres was a great place. Everyone there seemed happy and relaxed, like they were a community or...well he wouldn’t use that other word. It was too soon and it still hurt to say. 

It would be easy to have a place to stay until he decided where he was going to go next. And he hadn’t left because he needed adventure. He had left because he didn’t have anything left in Los Angeles. But was Haven Acres the right place?

He entered the living room and spotted Sophie sitting on the couch, working on something. She looked up when Buck came in. 

“You helped my mommy with breakfast,” She stared, matter-of-factly. 

“I did,” Buck said, walking over to her. “Did you enjoy breakfast?” She nodded and Buck smiled. 

“I’m Sophie,” She said, with a smile. “What’s your name?”

“My name’s Buck.” She held her hand out and Buck chuckled before shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you Sophie.” She nodded and smiled before staring up at him. 

“You’re really tall.” Buck chuckled at that. “I bet you can reach the top cabinet without a stool or anything.”

“I probably could.” Sophie smiled brightly at that.

“So you could get me one of the gummies that mommy keeps hidden up there.” She looked up at him with the most doe-eyed expression he had ever seen. He was pretty sure it could rival Christopher’s puppy dog eyes. Not that he wanted to think about Christopher or how much he missed the boy. “Please?”

“Did your mom say you could have a snack?” Buck asked.

“She did not.” Buck turned his head to see Lucy at the front desk. Lucy gave her daughter a look and the girl pouted. “No tricking the new people into giving you snacks, Sophie. Now do your homework.” Sophie’s pout only grew, but she did as she was told. Buck walked towards the desk, drumming against the counter. 

“You weren’t kidding,” Buck said, glancing back at Sophie. Lucy chuckled at that. “So you own this place, you let people stay here basically for free, and you have a kid.”

“And the real mystery here is you,” Lucy pointed out. Buck pursed his lips at that. “I’m not asking you to tell me what you’re running from. But I’m more than willing to listen. Or bore you with my life.”

“I can’t imagine your life has been all that boring.” Lucy shrugged and was about to say something when the bell rang. Buck turned to see the couple from the previous day, walk in. The girl, who looked barely older than May entered first, her hand on her protruding belly. The guy came in after, pulling the door shut. 

“Thanks for letting us take the car,” The guy said to Lucy, tossing her keys. 

“Of course,” Lucy said, putting the keys away. “Oh and guys, this is Buck. Buck this is Lindsay and Thomas.”

“Nice to meet you guys,” Buck said and the couple nodded. 

“How was the doctor’s appointment?” Lucy asked. “And did you bring me a copy of the sonogram?” Lindsay smiled and approached the desk, handing a picture to Lucy. Lucy smiled brightly. 

“How far along are you?” Buck asked. 

“The doctor said 32 weeks,” Thomas said, a southern accent slipping out as he spoke. “Won’t be long now until we meet the little one.”

“He or she can cook in here as long as they want,” Lindsay said, rubbing her belly affectionately. “Hear that baby? Take all the time you need.” Lucy chuckled and Lindsay smiled. 

“Alright, the baby mama is talking to her belly,” Thomas said. “That means it’s nap time.”

“Only if you rub my feet.” Thomas nodded and guided her out of the room. Buck watched them go, a smile on his face as he saw the way they looked at each other.

“Their parents didn’t accept them being together.” Buck turned back to Lucy. “And then they found out Lindsay was pregnant. They ran away before either set of parents could tell her to...you know.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Buck asked, a confused look on his face. 

“Because this is a safe place, Buck,” Lucy said. “People come here because they need a place where they can be safe and can figure themselves out. They share. I share. It helps. Sometimes it comes out randomly. Other times, we accidentally have a big group therapy session. But the point is, if you want to open up, there are people who are willing to listen and won’t judge.” Buck just nodded before he turned and walked away. 

As he walked through the living room, Sophie sent him a smile. Buck chuckled but smiled back, knowing the little girl still wanted those snacks from the upper cabinets. He made his way back outside, observing the people who were gathered there. 

There were different groups scattered about, all chatting with each other or playing games. They all looked happy. They all looked at peace. Buck needed that. He needed to let go of the last six months. He needed to let go of the family that didn’t want him anymore. 

He sighed and headed back to his room, deciding he needed some time to himself to make a decision.

* * *

It was dark out when Buck stepped out of his room. He had gone back there after dinner, but the sounds in the courtyard kept echoing towards his room and he decided to investigate. 

He spotted a small group around a bonfire and decided to go over to them. 

“No way they’re the best college football team,” Thomas said as Buck approached. “You’re just spewing horrendous lies that my future child could possibly hear.” Lindsay laughed, shaking her head at that. Thomas and Lindsay were on one side of the bonfire, in a small couch, Lindsay curled into Thomas’s side. There was another guy, that Thomas had been speaking to sitting near him. Lucy and Sophie were sitting around the fire as well, Lucy gently playing with her daughter’s hair and the little girl holding a book in her hand. 

“Buck, hey,” Lucy said, noticing Buck. “Join us.” Buck nodded and sat down. “You’ve met Lindsay and Thomas, but that’s Max.”

“Hey,” Max said with a nod. “We were just discussing the best college football teams.”

“And Max has the audacity to claim that Alabama doesn’t have the best team,” Thomas said. “Roll Tide!”

“Hoosiers all day,” Max said.

“Anything to add, Buck?” Lucy asked. “Do you care too much about your alma mater’s football team?”

“I went to UPenn,” Buck said with a shrug. “And they sucked at football.” Thomas and Max chuckled at that.

“Well let’s agree to disagree,” Lindsay said, patting Thomas’s hand.

“Whatever you say, darlin’.” Thomas pressed a kiss to Lindsay’s cheek and Lindsay smiled. Buck watched them, trying not to think about the person he wished could be kissing his cheek. He couldn’t think about anyone in LA. He had to move on. So, he looked over towards Sophie, who was playing with the book in her hand. 

“Whatcha got there, small fry?” Lucy chuckled at the nickname and Sophie pouted before holding up her book. A sad smile crossed Buck’s face. “The Phantom Tollbooth, huh? I knew someone who was reading that book. I read some of the chapters out loud to him. Said I did some good voices.” Sophie looked at her mom, who nodded.

“Prove it.” She held the book out to Buck and Buck smiled before taking it. As Buck started reading, Sophie got comfortable on Lucy’s lap, watching Buck intently. She giggled at his voices, earning a smile from her mother and everyone around the fire. 

By the time Buck finished the chapter, Sophie was fast asleep. Lucy smiled and pressed a kiss to her daughter’s head before gently placing her on the empty seat next to her. 

“I guess whoever said you were good at the voices wasn’t kidding,” Lindsay said with a smile. “Do you want to talk about them?” Buck sighed and put the book down.

“His name’s Christopher,” Buck said, looking at the others. “He’s about Sophie’s age.” Lucy nodded at that. 

“Is he your son?” Lucy asked gently. Buck shook his head. 

“He’s…” He pursed his lips thinking about Eddie. “He’s the son of someone who I was close with. He’s a great kid. Always so positive and happy. And smart too.”

“Sounds like you care a lot about him.” Buck nodded.

“There’s two people who I hated leaving,” Buck explained. “And he’s one of them.” He looked down, not ready to fully talk about why he was there. He could tell Lucy wanted him to open up, to feel comfortable around them. But he wasn’t there yet. 

“My sister took me to the doctor when I found out.” Buck looked up at Lindsay when she spoke. “Thomas and I are from the same town. High school sweethearts and all that. But my parents were never fond of him. When I found out, they were trying to break us up.”

“Why?” Buck asked, before realizing he shouldn’t have asked that. Lindsay gave him a kind smile and glanced at Thomas.

“Because Lindsay’s family is cotillion and finishing school fancy,” Thomas explained. “And I grew up in a trailer park. The ‘trashy boyfriend’ was what they liked to call me.”

“So I wasn’t even able to see him, even though we’re adults and can decide our lives,” Lindsay said. “And then I found out I was pregnant. I knew my parents wouldn’t be happy and they’d either want me to…” She swallowed a little. “Or give the baby up. So I went to Thomas and we left. My sister helped us and I’m grateful to her but the rest of my family? I don’t miss them one bit.” Buck swallowed. He knew what it was like to have people that were supposed to care about you, treat you terribly.

“Buck?” Lucy asked. Buck sighed. “You don’t have to tell us, if you don’t want to. Not yet at least.” Buck shook his head. 

“I want to.” Lindsay opening up, Lucy’s kindness, something about all of it made Buck want to finally get everything off his chest. 

So he did. 

He told them about the ladder truck bombing. He told them about his months of physical therapy and pushing himself to get recertified. He told them about the party at Bobby and Athena’s and the pulmonary embolism. He told them about not being allowed back to work and the tsunami. He told them about light duty and Bobby keeping him from getting his job back. Everything tumbled out; the lawsuit, the grocery store fight, his friends treating him like a pariah at work. He told them everything because he felt like he could trust them. 

When he was finally done talking, he let out a long exhale, an exhale he had needed to let out for months. 

“Wow,” Max said and Thomas nodded. Lucy reached over Sophie and gently squeezed Buck’s arm. 

“You’ve been through a lot,” She said, before letting go.

“And that’s only the last six months.”

“You deserve people who are better than that,” Lindsay said. “We all do.”

“Agreed,” Max said. “But maybe that’s why we all ended up here.”

“That was cheesy,” Thomas said and everyone chuckled at that. Buck felt a smile forming on his face. These people, maybe they were strangers, but they had listened and not judged. They had heard his horror stories and hadn’t told him that he was being selfish or exhausting. They just listened, something that no one in his life had done in awhile.

They all talked for a while longer, Buck taking part in more of the conversation. Thomas and Max argued more about sports, while Lindsay just shook her head. Buck told them random facts that no one rolled their eyes at. And as they all sat there, Buck felt free and unburdened for the first time in a while. 

As the first started to dwindle down, everyone started to get up. 

“Should we put it out or just leave it alone?” Max asked, glancing at Buck. “Because we always dump water on it, but then it’s a pain to restart it the next time.”

“For bonfires it’s better to let it just burn out,” Buck said. “I can sit with it until it goes out.”

“I feel like having a firefighter here could be helpful,” Lindsay said. “Night guys.” Everyone nodded to Lindsay as Thomas led her away, towards their room. 

“I’m going to have to get some solid proof to show that Thomas is wrong about his team,” Max said, before taking his leave. That just left Buck and Lucy. Lucy was gently picking Sophie up, trying not to wake the girl.

“Hey Lucy?” She glanced at him as she adjusted Sophie in her arms. “I think...I think I’ll stick around for a little while.” Lucy smiled at that. 

“Well then,” She said. “Since you’re an early riser, you can help me with breakfast again tomorrow and then we can discuss how you can help out around here.”

“Sounds good,” Buck said. “And Lucy? Thank you.” Lucy nodded, before walking towards the main house. Buck watched her go, before turning back to the fire. It had been so long since he felt so comfortable around people that he could just pour his guts out to them. And they had all listened with such kindness. It made him sad, knowing that the people who he had considered family hadn’t been willing to listen to him, but these strangers had. 

And it made him sure that his decision to stay at Haven Acres was the right one. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bobby?” Eddie stared at his captain in confusion as he opened the door. “What...what are you doing here?”
> 
> “We need to talk.”

Eddie walked over to his door with a sigh. It was his day off and he wasn’t expecting anyone. Christopher was at school, so the house was eerily quiet. Eddie had tried not to remember the days when he would hang out with Buck on his days off. Because if he did, he would have to realize that it had been so long since they had spent any time together, Eddie letting his emotions push Buck away. 

“Bobby?” Eddie stared at his captain in confusion as he opened the door. “What...what are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.” Eddie nodded and let Bobby in. “You need to tell me what Bosko meant the other day.” Eddie looked down at his feet. “Something’s wrong Eddie, I can tell. And I don’t just mean currently with the whole Buck thing.” Eddie flinched at the mention of his best friend. 

“I’ve just been...dealing with things.”

“Clearly not in a healthy way.” Eddie sighed and looked up at Bobby. “Eddie, I already pushed one member of my team away. Please, let me help you.”

“I started street fighting.” Bobby’s face remained neutral, so Eddie continued. “I just...I was so angry. Shannon...before she died, she wanted a divorce. And then she was gone and I just...I was so mad at her. And that anger just kept growing.”

“Why?” Eddie sniffed, feeling a few tears prick at the edge of his eyes. “Eddie, just say it.”

“Because I almost lost my best friend too.” Bobby nodded. “I...I couldn’t understand why the universe wanted to keep taking people from me. I watched Buck nearly die twice and couldn’t do anything. And then the tsunami happened and...I was just so angry and I didn’t know what to do about it.”

“Did the lawsuit make you angry?”

“Not exactly,” Eddie said. “What made me angry was that Buck would turn to some sleazy lawyer instead of us. That he would go to that place instead of just listening to us.”

“You said some harsh things in the grocery store,” Bobby pointed out. “Was that the last time you really talked to Buck?” Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. 

“God, I’m such a terrible friend,” Eddie whispered hoarsely. “I yelled at him and called him exhausting instead of just helping him. I just...I had all this aggression and I didn’t know what to do with it. I’d never...I’d never hit him but I needed to hit something. I needed to hurt someone.”

He looked up at Bobby, waiting to see his reaction. Bobby sighed, a sad look on his face. 

“You need to talk to someone Eddie,” Bobby said. “You need to deal with this. I can’t lose any more members of this team.” Eddie nodded, pushing some tears away.

“I wish I hadn’t pushed him away,” Eddie said mournfully. “I wish I could’ve seen past my anger to know that he was hurting too.”

“I pushed him away too Eddie,” Bobby pointed out sadly. “We let our concern for him and our hurt not notice that he needed us.”

“You know what I can’t stop thinking about?” Eddie sighed, trying to grip his hands into fists, but feeling nothing but sadness. “I wasn’t there when he woke up in the hospital. Carla was there. I should’ve...I promised him I’d have his back. And when he really needed me, I didn’t.”

“He needed all of us and we weren’t there.” Eddie shook his head. 

“No, I should’ve been there,” Eddie repeated. “I should’ve...I…” He gasped a little, a realization hitting him so hard. Buck had always been there for him. Buck loved his son like he was his own. Buck would give up his days off to hang out with Eddie or watch Christopher. 

“Eddie,” Bobby said gently, placing his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I know.” Eddie gave him a look. “You think I don’t recognize that look on your face?”

“I should’ve told him,” Eddie said. “I should’ve...maybe he would’ve stayed.” Fresh tears started to fall and Bobby just pulled Eddie into a hug.

“Athena’s going to try and find him,” Bobby said and Eddie nodded. “But until she does, you need to talk to someone.”

“I know.” Bobby stepped back and Eddie sighed. “I’ll talk to someone. I’ll figure this out Bobby, I promise.”

“Good,” Bobby said with a nod. “We both need to be better if we’re ever going to convince Buck to come home.”

“Do you think we can?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby admitted. “But I think figuring our own heads out and apologizing to him if we can is a good first step.” Eddie nodded, not sure what else to say. “It’s all going to be okay Eddie.” And then Bobby left the house. Eddie sighed, dragging a hand down his face. He didn’t know if that was the case, if things were going to be okay. But he could work on himself. 

He owed Buck that much. 

* * *

Maddie padded towards the door, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She had been staring at her phone again, hoping Buck would call, even just to let her know he had ended up somewhere safe. But she knew that wasn’t going to happen. Buck had said goodbye for a reason. 

She opened the door, relieved to see Athena on the other side. 

“Can I come in?” Athena asked and Maddie stepped aside. 

“Is this about Buck?” Athena nodded and Maddie sighed. 

“There’s only so much I can do since he’s not considered missing.” Maddie nodded. “But I was able to convince the bus station to tell me where he was going.” Maddie noticed an uncertain look on Athena’s face. 

“Is that a bad thing?” Athena sighed. 

“The bus was going north to Vancouver,” Athena explained. “But there are several stops along the way.”

“So he could be anywhere in the northwest?” Maddie gripped the counter. She just wanted her brother to come home.

“The bus driver is back in LA in a few days,” Athena said. “I’m hoping he’ll remember something.” Athena put her hand on Maddie’s arm. “I’m going to do as much as I can.”

“I know and thank you,” Maddie said. “I just really want him to come home.” Athena gave her a look, almost like she was studying Maddie.

“Is that all that’s going on up there?” Maddie sighed. No, she had a lot going on in her head. “Talk to me Maddie.”

“I left him twice,” Maddie said, sadness in her voice. “Once when I went to college and once when I...when I married Doug. And I just...I can’t imagine what he was feeling. It hasn’t even been a week and I miss him so much it hurts. And to know I did that to him twice?”

“He’s a forgiving soul.”

“The most forgiving,” Maddie said, her eyes tearing up. “That’s the worst part. If we find him, I know that he will forgive everyone. He’ll accept their apologies and act like he's fine. And it makes me wonder if we should find him.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Maddie bit her lip. The protective older sister knew that finding Buck wouldn’t fix things. But the selfish side of her wanted her little brother back.

“No,” Maddie admitted. “But whatever you find, can you just keep between us?” Athena sighed. Maddie was essentially asking her to lie or at least lie by omission to Bobby. But Bobby had done the same regarding Buck being back at work. And she had promised Maddie she would find Buck. 

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you Athena.” Athena gave Maddie a hug before leaving. Maddie let her eyes shut as she closed the door. Was she being selfish? Probably. But she hadn’t been there for Buck when he had needed her.

She was going to be there for him now.

* * *

“Food’s here.” Maddie looked up from her phone at Chimney. 

“I’m not really hungry.” Chimney sighed and looked at his girlfriend. She was staring sadly at her phone, begging for the screen to light up, begging for a call to appear from Buck. 

“Maddie,” Chimney said, walking over to her. “You have to eat.”

“Chimney, please.” He could see the sadness in her eyes. Sometimes, it shocked him how long the Buckley siblings had gone without seeing each other when Maddie first came to Los Angeles because of how close they were and how concerned they always were for each other’s safety. 

“Look I know you’re upset,” Chimney said. “But punishing yourself because he’s gone isn’t going to help.”

“You don’t think I know that?”

“I don’t know honestly,” Chimney said, sitting down next to her. “I know this is awful and you just want Buck to come home, but until we know where he is or even hear from him, there’s nothing else we can do.”

“I hate feeling helpless,” Maddie said sadly. Chimney just pulled her into a hug. They sat in silence as Maddie cried and Chimney ran a soothing hand down her back. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” He asked, pulling away. 

“I don’t think you signed up for a girlfriend who’s an emotional wreck.”

“Maddie I care about you so much that it doesn’t matter if you’re laughing or crying.” Maddie smiled a little. “I’m here for you, okay?” Maddie nodded and he gently kissed her cheek. “Now, would you consider having dinner? I made you hot mustard and everything.” He stood up and offered her his hand.

“Okay.” She took his hand and he gently helped her up. He turned towards the kitchen and Maddie was about to follow when her phone started ringing. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw it was a number she hadn’t seen before. 

“Hello?” Her voice was shaking, hoping, praying, that the person on the other side of the call was the one person she had been hoping was going to call her. 

“ _ Hey Maddie _ .”

“Buck.” Tears sprang to her eyes and Chimney was quickly at her side. “Buck, oh thank god. I was so worried.”

“ _ I’m okay Maddie, I promise _ .”

“I didn’t know how bad it was Buck. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice sooner. I wish...I should’ve been there for you and I’m sorry.”

“ _ Maddie _ .”

“I’m sorry, but I want to be here for you now.” Her breath was growing short as she tried to get it all out, not knowing how long she could keep him on the phone. “Please. Please just come home.”

“ _ Los Angeles isn’t my home anymore Maddie. But I found a place and I’m safe. I just wanted to tell you that _ .”

“Buck.” She felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. Buck had to come back, he just had to. She couldn’t do any of this without him.

“ _ I need to go, but I’m okay Maddie. I love you, okay _ ?”

“Buck!” But the other end of the call went dead. Maddie let out a sob as her knees gave way. Chimney caught her, lowering both of them to the ground. Maddie sobbed as Chimney held her, not knowing what to say. He was even more shocked when Maddie was trying to pull herself up. 

“Maddie, what-” Chimney started, but Maddie cut him off. 

“W-we have…” Her breath was short as Chimney helped her off the floor. “We have his new number. We can track him, Chim. I have...I have to go.” She started to turn towards the door, but Chimney put his hands on her shoulders. 

“Hold on.”

“I can find him Chimney!”

“I’m not letting you drive like this,” Chimney said. “You tell me where to go and I’ll drive.” Maddie just nodded as Chimney brushed some tears away. “We’re going to find him Maddie.” She just nodded and then he took her hand, pulling her towards the door.

* * *

Athena was sitting in the living room, reading. Bobby was in the kitchen, cleaning dishes from dinner. She could tell something was on his mind. He had been quiet all day. Bobby had just said he was processing something and he’d tell Athena once he better understood it. She was considering going to check on him when there was a knock at the door. 

“I’ll get it.” She stood up, putting the book down. She was a little confused who could be at the door so late. 

She wasn’t expecting a very tearful Maddie, Chimney right behind him. 

“Maddie, is everything okay?” She let the two of them, noticing the tear-stains on Maddie’s face and her phone in her hand. Bobby walked into the living room, a confused look on his face when he spotted their guests. 

“Sorry to show up unannounced,” Chimney said. “But um…” He looked at Maddie who held her phone out to Athena. 

“He called me. It was a new number, but he called me.”

“Maddie,” Athena began, knowing exactly what Maddie was thinking. 

“We can find him,” Maddie said. “We can find where he is.”

“You know as well as I do that the number will only tell us the general area he’s in,” Athena said.

“It’ll be enough,” Maddie said. “Please Athena.” Athena sighed. She glanced back as she felt Bobby’s hand on her shoulder. It was a small lead, but it would have to be enough. Everyone in that room wanted to find Buck and bring him home. She was going to have to make this work. 

“Let me see the number.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck glanced at Lucy, who was chopping vegetables. He didn’t know too much about her. Obviously, she was incredibly caring and giving. She was a decent cook and an outstanding mother. But he didn’t know how she just had money to spare or why she really wanted to help people. 
> 
> He also knew nothing about Sophie’s father, which was the biggest question he thought needed to be answered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this story. I love you guys. And that's why I keep updating so quickly. Enjoy!

Buck smiled as Sophie let out an excited giggle as he ran through the backyard. The eight-year-old was securely hanging onto his back. He tried not to think about Christopher when Sophie was around. He tried not to miss the kid who’s infectious smile could fix almost anything.

“If you’re done being hyping up my daughter,” Lucy said from behind the outdoor kitchen counter. Buck rolled his eyes playfully before moving Sophie off his back and into his arms. “You’re supposed to help me with dinner and she’s supposed to be doing homework.”

“I finished my homework!” Sophie said. 

“Even your science homework? You said you were having a hard time with that.”

“Buck helped me!” Lucy nodded appreciatively. 

“Well, small fry,” Buck began and Sophie giggled at the nickname. “I have to help your mom with dinner. Why don’t you go see what Max is up to at the desk?” He put her down and the eight-year-old took off.

“I don’t think she’s ever taken to someone as fast as she has to you,” Lucy said as Buck joined her. “I mean, Max has been here for two years and it took Lucy a whole year to warm up to him." 

“I’m good with kids,” Buck said with a shrug. Lucy smirked and nodded. They got to work, preparing dinner in companionable silence. 

Buck had been at Haven Acres for over a week at that point. And he was really enjoying his time there. He helped Lucy with most meals, since according to Lucy, he was the most helpful in the kitchen. He also had been put on grocery duty, though he’d only had to go a few times so far. Other than that, Lucy gave him odd jobs around the place. He had also noted that odd jobs was something she gave to anyone who was relatively new. 

Buck had seen different people milling about. Some faces he had seen once or twice and then never seen again. Other faces he saw every day, but hadn’t had a chance to talk with them. And then there was Thomas, Lindsey, and Max. 

Lucy seemed to trust Max the most. Max was the only other person who worked the front desk. Partially, it seemed like that was the case because Max had been there the longest. No one else had been there for years like Max had. And partially, it seemed like Lucy trusted Max because he was a good guy.

Buck had learned on his third full day that Thomas and Lindsay had been there for the last few months. Haven Acres had been the first place Thomas and Lindsay had felt safe since they left Alabama. They were also young, having left home before they could finish college. Thomas had told Buck that eventually he wanted to finish his degree so he could get a good job to provide for Lindsay and their baby.

Buck glanced at Lucy, who was chopping vegetables. He didn’t know too much about her. Obviously, she was incredibly caring and giving. She was a decent cook and an outstanding mother. But he didn’t know how she just had money to spare or why she really wanted to help people. 

He also knew nothing about Sophie’s father, which was the biggest question he thought needed to be answered. 

“You’re staring,” Lucy said, pointing the knife at Buck. “Something on your mind?” Buck was about to say something when there was a scream from the house. Buck’s firefighter instincts kicked in and he ran towards the house. When he got to the living room, he found Lindsay on the floor, Thomas next to her, a scared expression on her face. 

“I don’t know what’s happening!” Lindsay let out another shout holding her belly. Buck looked at Lucy, who was staring wide-eyed. Lucy was at Lindsay’s side in a flash. Lindsay was breathing heavily, sweat gathering on her forehead. 

“Lindsay, did your water break?”

“I don’t...I don’t know!” She let out another yell, followed by what sounded like a cry. “I thought it was just Braxton Hicks!”

“These are too fast for Braxton Hicks,” Buck said, making his way over. Lindsay looked at him, a scared expression on her face. “You’re going into labor.”

“Oh god!” Thomas just grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down. 

“Max!” Lucy shouted. “Call for an ambulance.”

“No, no, no!” Lindsay shouted. “It’s too soon!” She let out another yell, squeezing Thomas’ hand, who bit his lip to not holler from the pain. Lucy looked at Buck. 

“The contractions are coming quick,” Buck said. “That ambulance isn’t going to make it in time.”

“What are you saying?” Thomas asked, looking at Buck. 

“She’s going to have to have the baby here.”

“What?” Lindsay shouted before another contraction ripped through her. “No! It’s too early!”

“Lucy, I need some towels and a first aid kit.” Lucy nodded and got up, quickly going to get what he asked for. 

“So, she’s just going to have the baby on the living room floor?” Thomas asked. “Have you even delivered a baby before?”

“Sure have,” Buck said, helping Lindsay into a sitting position. “Four actually, all in the same night. It was a prenatal yoga class.” Lindsay, breathing through the pain, gave Buck a look. “Full moon’s are weird. I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“Tell me about it now,” Lindsay said, exhaling a shaky breath. “I...I need a distraction.” Lucy came back with a few towels and she and Buck arranged them between Lindsay’s legs. Lucy then put the first aid kit down and sat on Lindsay’s other side. 

“The crazies come out during the full moon,” Buck explained. “We went to that yoga studio because a woman got stuck in a pose. Then, it was like they all started to go into labor.” Lindsay let out another shout as she was hit with another contraction.

“I’m not ready,” Lindsay cried. “I’m not…”

“Lindsay, look at me,” Lucy began, getting the younger woman’s attention. “I know you’re scared, okay? Hell, I was scared too when I gave birth to Sophie. But you have Thomas and you have us. It’s going to be okay. You’re not alone. You can do this.” Lindsay nodded before another contraction ripped through. 

“Contractions are coming fast,” Buck said. “Time to push. Thomas, you want to help me?” Thomas looked at Lindsay, who just nodded. As he went to move, something tumbled out of his pocket. Lindsay stared at it, wide-eyed. 

“Thomas Miller,” Lindsay said, through gritted teeth. “Is that…” Thomas picked up the item, a small, velvet ring box. 

“I had this whole plan,” Thomas began. “Max and Buck were going to help me set up this romantic dinner by the bonfire and then I was going to propose. But, you’ve seen it now and you’re about to give birth to our son and daughter and honestly, I just want you to know that I love you and I’m going to do everything I can to be there for you and our baby. So, Lindsay Abernathy, wanna marry me?” Lindsay shouted as she was hit with another contraction. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes, you big dummy.” Thomas laughed at that. “Now put that ring on my finger and go help Buck!” Thomas smiled and slipped the ring on her finger, before kissing her. 

Buck watched with a smile. He had seen all kinds of crazy things on calls, but moments like these never ceased to warm his heart. Of course, he was quickly dialed back in when Lindsay had another contraction. 

“Alright Lindsay, you have to push.” Thomas moved quickly next to Buck, who told the younger man what to do. Lucy held Lindsay’s hand as the younger woman tried to breathe through the pain. Buck could see Max by the desk, watching anxiously, a phone pressed to his ear. 

The next few minutes were filled with Lindsay shouting in pain as Lucy reminded her to breathe and Buck continued to tell her to push. 

“Last push Lindsay!”

“You got this darlin’!” Lindsay let out a scream that echoed through the house as Buck instructed Thomas to get ready with a towel. 

And then the cry of a baby filled the room. 

“You did it Lindsay,” Lucy said, a smile on her face. Lindsay let out a relieved laugh and looked at Thomas, who was holding her baby.

“So, who was right?” Thomas looked up at her and smiled. “You were, weren’t you?”

“Guess she’s going to be a daddy’s girl.” Lindsay laughed again as Thomas moved over to her, holding their daughter tightly. Buck looked at Lucy, who just nodded at him. And he smiled, letting the adrenaline run through, as he let out a long exhale.

* * *

Buck and Lucy stood by the desk as the EMTs wheeled Lindsay and the baby out, Thomas following right behind them. 

“You know the EMTs said we’re lucky you were here,” Lucy said. Buck just shrugged. “You know there is a small firehouse in town that takes volunteers if you ever wanted to...you know.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” Buck said with a sigh. “Too many bad memories.” Lucy nodded. “Should we clean up the living room?”

“Is it weird that having someone give birth in the living room isn’t even the craziest thing that’s happened here?” Buck laughed at that. They set about cleaning up the living room, silence filling the room. The only noise came from the desk, where Max was talking to Sophie about Lindsay and the baby. 

“Can I ask you something?” Buck asked, glancing at Lucy.

“You just did.” Buck gave her a look. “Kidding, go for it.”

“You mentioned to Lindsay that she wasn’t alone,” Buck said and Lucy sighed. “It kind of sounded like you knew from experience.”

“I do.” Buck nodded, waiting for her to continue. “I’m sure you’ve noticed that Sophie doesn’t talk about her dad. He died before she was born.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucy nodded, a sad look on her face. 

“We were going to get married,” Lucy said, tossing the towels on the floor in a garbage bag Buck was holding. “It was always the plan, but then I got pregnant and it kind of sped up the process. I mean, my parents adored Scott, thought he hung the moon. And as much as they were stuck in their ways, they weren’t even mad when I got pregnant at twenty.” She sighed.

“You don’t have to.” Lucy shook her head. 

“You were honest with me,” Lucy said. “It’s the least I can do.” Buck just nodded and she continued. “He and my parents had driven to look at venues for the wedding. I couldn’t go because I wasn’t feeling well and they didn’t want to push me while I was pregnant. They were on their way back when an 18-wheeler slammed into them. The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel.” Buck frowned. He had seen enough calls like that to know that when a truck hit a car, it was hardly ever good for the passengers. “Scott was pronounced dead at the scene. Same with my mom. My dad hung on for a little longer, but eventually…”

“So that’s what you meant by being alone.” Lucy nodded. “Is that why you started this place?”

“I had all this money that I didn’t want or need,” Lucy said. “And I wanted to do some good and help people who were…”

“Alone,” Buck finished and Lucy nodded. “Like you.” Lucy sighed. “Lucy, what you’re doing here is really amazing. We’re all lucky that you created a place like this.” Lucy smiled a little. “And thanks for telling me.”

“Well you spilled your guts,” Lucy said. “Only fair I do the same.” They finished cleaning up and went over to the desk. 

“Mommy!” Sophie called and Lucy smiled. She scooped Sophie up and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Can we go to the hospital to see Lindsay and her baby?”

“Of course, baby.” She glanced at Buck and Max. “Either of you want to come?”

“Who’s going to run the desk?” Max asked, even though his face said that he did want to go with them. 

“I’ll just stay here,” Buck said. Lucy smiled and nodded. 

“Buck can run the desk,” Lucy said and Buck gave her a look. “I trust you.” Max smiled and grabbed the car keys from the desk drawer and hopped up from his seat. Buck took his seat behind the desk. Lucy shot him a nod before heading out with Sophie and Max. Buck leaned back in the seat, chucking a little at the events of the day.

* * *

It was a few hours later when Lucy, Sophie, and Max came back.

“Buck!” Sophie said excitedly, wriggling from her mother. She ran over to the desk and Buck smiled. “The baby is so cute!”

“Glad to hear that small fry,” Buck said. “Though you might have some competition for cutest kid around here.”

“Uh uh,” Sophie said, shaking her head. “I’m going to train her to be just like me.”

“Then we’re in trouble, huh?” Sophie nodded and Buck chuckled. Buck got up and Max took his place behind the desk. “You need dinner Max?”

“Yes please,” Max said. “Those leftovers of last night’s lasagna would be great.”

“You got it.” Buck and Lucy made their way towards the kitchen. Sophie was staring at Buck, a big grin on her face. “And what are you smiling at, small fry?”

“Mommy, tell him what they named the baby.” Buck looked at Lucy, who chuckled. 

“Subtle, baby.” Sophie shrugged before sitting at the small table in the kitchen. “It’s a really good name.” Buck gave Lucy a look. “They named her Evelyn Haven.”

“That’s uh...that’s a good name.” Lucy nodded. 

“They’re going to call her Evie for short.” Buck nodded, a bright grin on his face. “But they’re very grateful you were here. We all are.” Buck rubbed the back of his neck, the grin turning sheepish. 

“I should get Max his food.” Lucy nodded. “And Lucy? Thanks.”

“I think we should be thanking you, Buck.” Buck smirked and nodded before grabbing the leftovers for Max. 

It surprised him, how quickly Haven Acres was starting to feel like home. But with people like Lucy, Sophie, Lindsey, Thomas, and Max, it wasn’t that hard. They were good people and Buck was really starting to like having them in his life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Athena knew she should’ve told someone, at the very least Maddie. But she also knew that they would all want to come with her and that might spook Buck from ever coming back. 
> 
> So, Athena went alone. 

Athena spoke to the bus driver the minute he returned to LA. After seeing a picture of Buck, he vaguely remembered him and said he had gotten off long before the final destination, but the driver didn’t know where. Athena had hoped he would so she wouldn’t have to track the number. Technically, she shouldn’t have been doing any of this. But Maddie had practically begged and she knew everyone else desperately missed Buck.

So, she called in some favors to get the number tracked. It took longer since it wasn’t a rush and the department had actual cases to deal with. But after a few days, they had a location. 

Athena knew she should’ve told someone, at the very least Maddie. But she also knew that they would all want to come with her and that might spook Buck from ever coming back. 

So, Athena went alone. 

It was a couple hours drive before she found herself about an hour outside of San Francisco. It was a small town. She had passed a diner, a grocery store, and signs pointing towards the local school. But she figured the place to start was the bus station. The person working at the station didn’t remember Buck, but said the guy who ran the station market might. 

The bell of the small station market rang as she walked in. The place was empty, save for the guy at the counter. He was a big, burly guy with a graying beard. Athena approached the counter and he regarded her. 

“How can I help you?” He asked. 

“I’m looking for someone who might’ve passed through here,” Athena said. “About 6’2, blond hair, built.”

“Did he do something wrong?”

“Nope, just helping his family find him,” Athena said and the guy nodded, squinting a little, almost studying her. He was about to say something when the bell rang. Athena glanced at the door as a young man carrying a messenger bag came in. 

“Hey Ray.”

“Max, my boy,” Ray said with a smile. “What brings you here?” Max looked at Athena, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“Oh, go ahead,” Athena said. “I got all day.”

“Lucy wanted me to bring by more flyers while I’m on a pharmacy run,” Max said. He pulled a stack of flyers out and handed them to Ray.

“You tell the boss lady that she owes me a piece of pie from the diner.” 

“You should ask for the lasagna the new guy cooked,” Max said. “Lucy said it’s lucky we found someone so handy in the kitchen.” Ray nodded, though he glanced at Athena. “Anyways, see you around Ray.” Max then turned and left leaving Athena and Ray. She stared at the flyers in his hand. 

“What’s he advertising?” 

“Listen lady,” Ray started. “No one here is looking for any trouble. And if this guy you’re looking for came through here, he probably doesn’t want to be found.”

“I guess I need him to tell me that,” Athena said. “Now the flyer?” Ray huffed but handed her a flyer.

“You bring them any trouble and you’ll be hearing from me,” Ray said. “They’re good people.” Athena nodded before walking out of the small market. She looked down at the flyer in her hand, a puzzled expression on her face. 

“Haven Acres,” Athena said out loud. “Well, let’s see if you’re there, Buckaroo.”

* * *

Eddie sighed as he made his way towards Christopher’s room. Christopher had been sick all night, coming down with a fever from something going around at school. His sleep had been restless, waking up countless times and crying for Eddie. The worst had been when he woke up from a nightmare and sobbed for Buck. He kept begging Eddie to call Buck and saying that he wanted, no, needed Buck. And Eddie just had to remind his son that Buck wasn’t around and that Eddie couldn’t call him even if he wanted. 

He opened the door slightly and watched his son. Christopher was just lying in bed, staring at a stuffed toy. It was a small bear that Buck had gotten for him. Christopher had explained to Eddie that Buck had helped him win a giant bear at the pier, but it had washed away when the tsunami hit. Buck had gotten him another, much smaller one, to make up for the lost one. Christopher loved it regardless. 

Eddie wished he had realized how much he cared for Buck back then. How could he not have noticed? Maybe it had been grief from losing Shannon and trying to put one foot in front of the other. Or maybe it was just denial, because admitting he cared about Buck more as a friend could ruin their friendship. Then again, Eddie had managed to do that without admitting his feelings, making the pain in his heart hurt even more.

“Daddy?” He walked in and sat down on the bed. Christopher snuggled up to him as Eddie pressed a kiss to his hair. He then quickly pressed the back of his hand to Christopher’s forehead.

“I think your fever broke, mijo,” Eddie said. “But you can stay home tomorrow if you want.” Christopher shrugged and Eddie just hugged him. He hated seeing his son so sad. He missed that wonderful infectious smile. But he knew why Christopher was sad. He was sad for the same reason. 

“I miss Buck.”

“Me too mijo, me too.” There was nothing else to say. It was a plain fact; the Diaz boys were lost without Buck. Eddie had grown to rely on Buck so much that not having his best friend around hurt. And it hurt even more to know he was part of the reason Buck left.

All he could do was hug his son and hope the pain would eventually lessen.

* * *

Athena stared at the house in front of her. It had taken some time to find Haven Acres, as it was nestled off some back roads and hidden away. But she had found it. Now, she just had to hope that Buck was there.

She walked into the house, the bell ringing above the door as she did. She spotted a young woman sitting at a desk, reading a book. She looked up, ready to say something, but stopped when she spotted Athena. She regarded Athena before speaking up. 

“Can I help you?” She asked, closing the book.

“I’m looking for someone and I have a hunch he might be here.” The woman pursed her lips. 

“This person have a name?” She asked. 

“Evan Buckley.” She watched something flicker across the woman’s eye before a neutral look crossed her face. “He goes by Buck.”

“Haven’t heard of him.” Athena rolled her eyes at that. “Look, I don’t know what you’re looking to find, but people here aren’t looking to be found. I think it would be best if you left.”

“I’m not leaving until I’ve found what I’m looking for.” The woman at the desk huffed and was about to say something, when someone interrupted them. 

“Lucy have you seen the…” The voice trailed off as Athena found herself looking at Buck. “Athena.”

“Buckaroo,” Athena said, a relieved smile crossing her face. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Buck sighed and glanced at the woman behind the counter. 

“I was just asking her to leave.”

“It’s fine Lucy,” Buck said quietly. He looked at Athena, a sad look on his face. “We can talk outside.” He walked out to the front porch, Athena following him. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“You really thought we wouldn’t try to find you?” Buck looked down at his feet. “Buck, everyone misses you.”

“No they don’t,” Buck said, shaking his head. “And even if you or Maddie miss me, you’ll be okay without me. You guys don’t need me. You don’t want me. You haven’t for a long time.”

“Buck.” She took a step closer and Buck stepped backwards. “Buck, we didn’t know how bad it was. We could’ve helped you.”

“Like you all helped me after the department said I couldn’t come back?” Buck asked. “After Bobby decided I couldn’t come back?” Athena went to say something, but Buck kept going. “He doesn’t trust me anymore. He was never going to let me back on calls because of that stupid lawsuit, a lawsuit he pushed me to. And he’s the Captain, Athena. Everyone follows his lead! Do you know what people would call me when they thought I wasn’t listening? They’d call me ‘traitor’ and ‘Bad Luck Buck’.”

“Buck,” Athena said sadly.

“They don’t really care,” Buck said. “They stopped caring a long time ago.” He looked up at Athena, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry you came all this way, but I can’t go back.”

“I am so sorry you went through all that,” Athena said, approaching him. “You have not deserved one bit of this pain, you hear me?” Buck just sniffed, looking away. “If you need to stay here, then I can’t force you to come home.” She pulled Buck’s phone out of her pocket and held it out to him. “But will you at least consider reaching out? They care more than you realize.” Buck sighed, but took the phone. 

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.” She patted his arm, a sad smile on her face. Buck then turned and went back inside. She had no idea what she was going to tell Maddie or Bobby, but she had a long car ride to think of something


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have to pick up Sophie from school. Take the drive with me.”
> 
> “Sounds like an order.”
> 
> “It’ll make you feel better.”

As Buck stepped back inside, he let out a long sigh. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Athena came looking for him. He was sure Maddie gave her the number he had called from as soon as he called. He wasn’t upset with Maddie, he knew she missed him. He missed her too. But that wasn’t enough to go back. He stood by the door, waiting until Athena was gone. Once she was, he turned and sighed. 

“Are you okay?” He looked up at Lucy, who was watching him.

“Is no an acceptable answer?” Lucy nodded and stood up. “I shouldn’t be surprised that she found me. I did call my sister.”

“But tracking your call is an invasion of privacy.” Buck was about to say something when Max came in. “Good, you’re here. You’re on desk duty.” Max just nodded and headed over to the desk. “I have to pick up Sophie from school. Take the drive with me.”

“Sounds like an order.”

“It’ll make you feel better.” Buck sighed, but nodded, before following Lucy out to the car.

* * *

“I think it’s good that you didn’t go with her.” Buck was sitting in the front seat as Lucy drove towards Sophie’s school. The closest school was about a half hour away, but it was a good school and Lucy said it was worth the drive. 

“And why do you say that?” Buck asked. “Athena didn’t do anything wrong.”

“She didn’t do much right either,” Lucy pointed out. “The fact that these people who you considered family let it get so bad, just shows the real problem.”

“Yeah I know,” Buck said with a sigh. “It’s just now Athena knows where I am. What’s going to stop the rest of them from coming?”

“The almost seven hour drive?” Lucy offered and Buck gave her a look. “I guess that won’t deter them if it didn’t deter her. You know, if you tell me their names and what they look like, I can shoo them off.”

“I’ll call my sister and ask her to just give me some time,” Buck said. “That’ll hold off her, Chimney, and probably Hen. And Athena can handle Bobby.”

“So that just leaves Eddie.” Buck nodded. “The one person you talk about who makes your eyes look even sadder than normal.” Buck sighed. “Someday, you’ll tell me why that is.”

“I’m sure you have some ideas.”

“I do,” Lucy said. “I used to look like that after Scott died. But I knew I was in love.” She glanced at Buck and he blushed. “Yep, kind of what I figured.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Buck sighed. Yes, a part of him still loved Eddie. But that didn’t matter anymore. Eddie had made it clear what he thought of Buck that day at the grocery store. Lucy was about to say something when she gasped. Buck looked at Sophie’s school as they drove closer. 

“Oh my god.” 

The trees behind the school were on fire and people were running away from the school. Buck got out of the car, looking around. There were no fire trucks there yet. 

“Lucy, call 9-1-1!” He looked at Lucy and she had a scared look on her face. “Lucy!” She nodded and started to dial. “Everyone! Get behind the cars!” He directed people away from the school, watching the moving crowd, trying to find Sophie. 

“Mommy!” He spotted her and ran over to her. 

“Small fry, thank god.” He scooped her up. “Your mom’s over there, okay?” Sophie nodded and he ran Sophie over to Lucy. 

“Oh thank god!” Lucy cried out, taking Sophie from Buck. “The fire department is coming.”

“The fires could spread before they get here,” Buck said.

“Stupid wildfires,” Sophie said, pulling herself closer to her mother. Buck looked at the fire before looking back at Sophie. 

“It’s spreading!” Buck watched in horror as the fire hit a patch of grass that was leading towards them. He looked around before spotting a hydrant. He ran over to it and kicked the cover once. When nothing happened, he grunted before kicking it again. 

The cover burst off as water came shooting out towards the spreading fire. Buck let out an exhale when he heard the familiar sirens of the fire department. He walked back over to Lucy and Sophie, as people applauded him, not noticing the person who’s phone was pointed at him.

“Can’t help but being a hero, huh?” Lucy asked, shoving his shoulder slightly. Buck just chuckled and shrugged. Sophie held her arms out and Buck took her from Lucy. 

“Thanks for saving my school.”

“Anything for you, small fry,” Buck said, hugging her. And as he watched the firefighters begin working to put out the fire, all he could feel was relief spreading through him.

* * *

Buck sat at a picnic table, staring at his phone. The moment Athena handed it to him, it felt like it weighed a million pounds. The right thing to do would be to call Maddie again and talk to her. But he knew she’d try to find a way to convince him to come back to LA. He knew that was why his last two calls with her had been so short. He always listened to her and she knew that. 

But he wasn’t ready to listen to her about coming back. 

“So Sophie doesn’t have school for the rest of the week.” Lucy sat down across from him, a long sigh leaving her mouth. 

“Is she okay?”

“A little scared,” Lucy said. “But she’s safe and that’s what’s important to me.” Buck nodded. “You’re staring at that phone a lot.”

“Your daughter’s school almost got caught in a wildfire and you want to talk about my phone?” Lucy shrugged. “Evade, much?”

“Says the guy evading my question first.” Buck scoffed. “You don’t have to call any of them. You know that right?”

“Unless calling them gets them to stay away.” Lucy nodded and placed her hand on Buck’s. 

“Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back,” Lucy said. “And so does Max and Thomas and Lindsay.”

“If the new parents aren't sleep-deprived.” Lucy chuckled and pulled her hand away. “Thanks Lucy. I appreciate that.”

“I made this place so people would feel safe,” Lucy said. “I always plan to uphold that.” She stood up, stretching a little. “Now if you excuse me. I’m going to go cuddle with my daughter because it has been an exhausting day and I need as much extra love as she does.” Buck nodded. “Night Buck.”

“Night Lucy.” She went inside and Buck sighed. He stared at the phone again. It would be so easy to call Maddie and just ask her to stop, to just give him some time. But he also felt like his decision to leave should’ve expressed that. 

He pocketed his phone and stood up. That could be a problem for another day. Right now, he wanted to sleep, hoping he was flooded with the happy images he had being at Haven Acres and not the hurt from Los Angeles.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve always taught you to be honest, right?” May gave her mom a look. “And how lying by omission is still lying, right?”
> 
> “Um, yeah?”
> 
> “But you know, sometimes lying protects people.”

Athena stared at her cup of coffee, watching the steam rise off the liquid. She hadn’t told anyone that she had seen Buck. It had been a few days and the guilt was starting to eat at her. No one had asked if she had tracked the number. Maddie and Bobby had both thrown themselves into their respective jobs to avoid thinking about everything else happening.

“Mom?” She looked up from her coffee to see May watching her. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am, baby.” May gave her mother a look. “Just some stuff on my mind.”

“Is it about Buck?” Athena gave her daughter a look. She hadn’t told May about Buck leaving, but clearly her daughter knew something. “The walls aren’t that thick, mom. I heard you and Bobby talking about it.” Athena sighed and May sat down next to her. 

“I’ve always taught you to be honest, right?” May gave her mom a look. “And how lying by omission is still lying, right?”

“Um, yeah?”

“But you know, sometimes lying protects people.” May squinted at her mom. 

“Is lying going to hurt other people?” May asked. Athena took a sip of her coffee. “Like...we don’t talk a lot about dad coming out, but you guys kept that from Harry and I for awhile. You said it was to protect us, but once we knew, things got better. I think you and dad were closer once you were both honest with us than the weeks when you didn't say anything.” Athena regarded May for a second, but the teenager just held her mother’s gaze.

“Who taught you to be so wise?” May smiled. 

“My mom.” Athena scoffed before hugging May.

“I needed to hear that,” Athena said, pulling away. “Thank you.”

“Just remember that when I ask you for money later in the week to see a movie with my friends.” Athena shook her head with a fond smile. She quickly directed the conversation away from her own problems and to May’s college applications. But in the back of her head, she knew she needed to talk to Bobby and Maddie. 

She knew she needed to tell them she had seen Buck.

* * *

Maddie was sitting at her desk at the dispatch center, trying to focus on work. Trying was the operative word. Josh kept looking over at her like she was going to break any second. Josh was the only one at work who knew what was going on with Buck. He had told her she should take some time off, but that would just give her time to wallow in her misery and she absolutely didn’t need that.

But Josh kept glancing over at her and it was starting to frustrate her. 

She considered going over to talk to him. She knew he was looking out for her, but she could handle work. She didn’t need to be watched like a hawk. She also wondered if Josh was doing this of his own accord or if Chimney had put him up to it. She glanced at him and he looked away. She shook her head and stood up, deciding on taking a coffee break instead of talking to Josh. 

“Hey.” She turned to see Josh in the break room. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been staring at me?” Maddie asked, some bite in her voice. Josh just grimaced. “Did Chimney put you up to this?”

“No,” Josh said quickly and Maddie gave him a look. “I mean, he told me what was going on, but he didn’t ask me to watch you or anything.”

“Then why are you watching me?” Maddie asked. Josh sighed and pulled out his phone. 

“Okay so I have family in the San Francisco area,” Josh started. “And I’ve been watching the news lately because of all the stuff with the wildfires. I mean, I know San Francisco is a city surrounded by water, but I’m paranoid and want them to be safe.” Maddie gave Josh a look and he smiled sheepishly. “Anyways, I was looking up local news stories about the wildfires and I saw this.” He handed Maddie the phone. She watched the news story, eyebrows furrowed. 

And then her eyes went wide.

“Josh.”

“So that’s why I’ve been staring at you,” Josh said. “Because I wanted to find the right time to tell you.”

“I need you to send that to me ASAP,” Maddie said. Josh just nodded, already texting her. For the first time, in what felt like weeks, Maddie actually felt hopeful. She almost could smile. 

Almost.

* * *

Athena walked up the stairs to the loft in the station. Bobby hadn’t been downstairs and one of the crew members had mentioned he had been working on something in the kitchen. Which wasn’t surprising. If Bobby had down time on the shift, he was cooking. 

What she found was Bobby, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie crowded around the table. 

“Athena!” Hen exclaimed, a hopeful smile on her face. “Josh found him!” Athena tried to keep her face neutral, knowing Hen was talking about Buck.

“What do you mean?” Chimney handed his phone to Athena. It was a news story about some of the wildfires and the heroic actions of a civilian. Athena watched as cell phone footage cut in. She watched as Buck ran towards a hydrant and kicked the cover off, stopping some of the wildfire from spreading.

“Guess we shouldn’t have counted out his need to do the right thing,” Chimney said as Athena handed him back the phone. “The local news affiliate covers a bunch of the area outside of San Francisco, but it shouldn’t be hard to track him down.”

“Maddie wants to use that to track him down?”

“She wants to leave after work,” Chimney said with a shrug. “I asked her to wait until I was home so I could help.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Athena said, shaking her head. She felt her husband watching her and she sighed.

“Maddie’s determined to find her brother,” Chimney said. “I thought you were too.” Athena put her hands on her hips, not quite sure what to say. 

“Unless,” Bobby’s voice was neutral, but she could hear some disappointment in his tone. “Unless you already found him.” Everyone looked at Athena who just sighed.

“You told Maddie you hadn’t been able to track the phone yet,” Chimney said. “You promised her you’d find him.” Hen had a sad look on her face and Eddie was refusing to look at her.

“I didn’t want to spook him,” Athena said. “He left for a reason.”

“Athena,” Bobby started, but Athena shook her head.

“He felt unwanted, Bobby,” Athena said, throwing her hands up in the air. “He was miserable! Because of this place!”

“Look we know we messed up,” Bobby said, seeing the others at the table getting upset. He could see a look of betrayal on Chimney’s face, knowing the man was going to have to tell Maddie that Athena had seen Buck. He could see anger flickering behind Eddie’s eyes.

“It’s worse than you thought,” Athena said. “Everyone at this station was awful to him. He said people were calling him a traitor and Bad Luck Buck.” Bobby’s eyes went wide. “This is your station Bobby, they followed your lead.”

“That doesn’t give you a right to hide that you found him,” Eddie said, finally speaking up.

“Where is he Athena?” Chimney asked. 

“It’s called Haven Acres. About forty five minutes from San Francisco.” Chimney started texting Maddie and Athena sighed. “She’s going to hear the same thing I heard.”

“It’s not your right to take that from Maddie,” Hen said. “Or from any of us.”

“You don’t think I want him to come back?” Athena asked. “That boy is the glue that keeps this team together. We all know that. But he’s hurt. We can’t fix that.” Eddie stood up. 

“We can sure as hell try.” He then stormed off. 

“Eddie!” Bobby called after him. But Eddie was already down the stairs. Bobby sighed, figuring he would need a moment to cool off. 

“We’ve gotta stop this,” Hen said a frown on her face. “Buck clearly saw something we haven’t seen.” Everyone looked at her. “We’re acting like strangers around each other.” Athena sighed, her body sagging a little. Bobby just pulled her closer to him, pressing a kiss to her head. Athena attempted a smile, patting his arm. 

“We need to work together if we want Buck to come home,” Bobby said. “All of us.” He looked at Athena and she nodded. 

“Hey Cap?” He pulled away from his wife as he heard Lena’s voice. “Is something up with Diaz? Because he just grabbed his stuff and tore out of here.” Athena threw her hands up in the air and Bobby sighed.

“Thanks for letting me know.” Lena just nodded before walking away. Bobby just looked at the others, not sure what to do.

* * *

Eddie could see the surprise on Carla’s face when he got to the house, far earlier than planned. 

“Everything okay?” She asked. 

“No, but it will be,” Eddie said. Carla stared at him for a second, pursing her lips. “I promise Carla.”

“I believe you,” Carla said, grabbing her bag. “Tell Buckaroo I miss him.” And then she left. Eddie let out a long sigh before heading to Christopher’s room. The boy was asleep and Eddie felt bad for waking him, but this was important. 

“Mijo.”

“Daddy?” Christopher asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“I need you to get dressed mijo,” Eddie said. “We’re going on a little trip.” Christopher looked at him, confused and still half-asleep.

“Where are we going daddy?” Eddie sighed and kissed his son’s head. Was this a stupid idea? Probably. Was he going to do it anyways? Absolutely.

“We’re going to see Buck.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck sat on the bed in his room. Lucy had offered to move him to a bigger space, since he was sticking around for the foreseeable future. But Buck had declined, fine with the room he had. He only used it for two reasons: sleeping and staring at his phone. 
> 
> He was doing the latter at the moment. He let out a long sigh before he turned the phone on. 

Buck sat on the bed in his room. Lucy had offered to move him to a bigger space, since he was sticking around for the foreseeable future. But Buck had declined, fine with the room he had. He only used it for two reasons: sleeping and staring at his phone. 

He was doing the latter at the moment. He let out a long sigh before he turned the phone on. 

Immediately, he was flooded with notifications. Texts, calls, voicemails. All of them. It was clear everyone had tried to reach out before Athena found his phone. Most of the calls were from the first few days after he left. But, he noticed there were missed calls from as recently as today. 

And then his phone started ringing.

He swallowed, seeing Eddie’s name on the screen. Did Eddie know he had his phone? His finger hovered over the ignore button. He didn’t know if he could handle this right now. But a part of him also missed all of them. A part of him knew they would always be tattooed on his heart. Memories like those didn’t just go away. 

So, he pressed accept. 

“ _ Buck? _ ” Eddie sounded surprised, like he wasn’t expecting Buck to answer. “ _ Buck, are you there _ ?” Buck didn’t say anything, remembering all that times Eddie easily ignored him, remembering how Eddie treated him like he was invisible. “ _ You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t...I didn’t know you had your phone. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised Athena gave you your phone back. I just...even hearing your voicemail...sometimes it made it a little easier _ .” Buck made a mental note to check how many times Eddie had reached out in the last few weeks. How many texts had he sent? How many calls? He shook his head, biting his lip. 

“ _ Josh found this video of you slowing down a wildfire. He showed Maddie and Maddie texted it to Chim. Chimney was talking about how Maddie was already planning to come find you. And then Athena showed up and admitted she had already seen you. She told us where you are. And Buck? I’m coming. I can’t...I can’t do this anymore. I need to see you. Please don’t run. Please let me talk to you. And I have Chris with me. _ ”

“That’s just unfair,” Buck rasped out. He heard Eddie suck in a breath. “I don’t...I left for a reason.”

“ _ Please just give me a chance _ .” Buck squeezed his eyes shut. “ _ I should’ve listened to you at the grocery store. I’ll listen this time, Buck. Please just give me a chance _ .”

“Fine.” He heard Eddie sigh. “I guess I’ll see you soon then.” 

“ _ Yeah, we’ll see you soon, Buck. _ ” Buck ended the call and let his back hit the mattress. He scrubbed his hand down his face. He left because no one seemed to care about his pain. Now, they were all acting like they did care. And Buck was having a hard time determining if it was genuine or not.

He’d need to tell Lucy what was happening, since it was her place. And he felt like he needed to talk to Eddie somewhere that wasn’t Haven Acres, worried that it could ruin his feelings about this new place he had found. But he’d deal with that in the morning. 

  
For now, he was going to try and sleep.

* * *

Sleep was futile. Every time he tried to fall asleep, he was back in the grocery store with Eddie yelling at him. He was nervous about seeing Eddie. Would Eddie actually listen to him? Or would he just pretend just to drag Buck back to Los Angeles. 

He sat up and grabbed the phone. He wasn’t going to sleep. It made him sad realizing that whenever he had trouble falling asleep, he’d text someone from the 118 or Maddie. He stared at his phone before typing out a text. He hit send before he could regret it. 

His phone rang seconds later.

“ _ Buck?”  _ He could hear the relief in Maddie’s voice. “ _ Athena said she gave you your phone back but I didn’t...I didn’t expect...” _

“Sorry I didn’t let you know sooner.”

“ _ No, it’s okay. I just miss you _ .” Buck sniffed, trying not to cry. 

“I miss you too, Maddie.” It was true. He did miss his sister. He missed how close they had grown again since she moved to LA. He missed knowing she was always on his side.

“ _ Buck, why did you leave? Why didn’t you talk to me?” _

“I didn’t want to intrude,” Buck said sadly. “You and Chimney are happy and you deserve to be happy Maddie. And I didn’t want you to think that he was in any way responsible for what was happening at the station.”

_ “But you needed someone to talk to. Someone to hear you when you were struggling and help you get back up _ .” Buck sighed. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt comfortable asking any of them to help him. Hadn’t Maddie immediately jumped to him telling Eddie what happened during the tsunami instead of helping him? Was she the one there when he woke up from the surgery on his leg? Hadn’t she scolded him for pushing too hard instead of listening to why he needed to push himself to get back to work? He loved his sister, but he couldn’t remember the last time she really listened. 

“Well I need someone to talk to right now,” Buck said. “I know it’s late-” Maddie cut him off. 

“ _ I’m here. Talk to me Buck _ .”

“Eddie’s coming here,” Buck said and he heard Maddie suck in a breath. “And he’s bringing Christopher.”

“ _ Chimney said he left the station without a word at the end of their shift _ ,” Maddie said. “ _ After Athena told everyone she had seen you.” _

“I don’t even know if I want to see him Maddie,” Buck said. “Our conversation on the phone was the longest conversation we’ve had since the tsunami. He acted like I didn’t even exist when I came back to work. And I just...I don’t know how I’m supposed to get past that hurt.”

“ _ You don’t,” _ Maddie said. “ _ He hurt you. We all did. You have the right to be honest with him. With all of us. You have the right to be upset with him. He’s your best friend and he treated you like garbage.” _

“He broke my heart.” He wiped away a tear. It was the closest he had come to admitting out loud that he had loved Eddie. “I don’t know if I can forgive him for that.”

“ _ Maybe you can’t _ .” Buck nodded, even though Maddie couldn’t see him. “ _ Maybe this conversation is closure. Just be honest with him.” _

“Okay.”

“ _ The same goes for all of us, _ ” Maddie said. “ _ I know I let you down, Buck. And I want you to be honest with me so we can fix our relationship. Because no matter how many miles are between us, I’m always going to be your big sister _ .”

“I love you Maddie, I really do.” He heard Maddie sniffle on the other side. 

“ _ I know, little brother _ .” He smiled a little at that. “ _ Think you can sleep?” _

“No.”

“ _ Well how about you tell me about this place you’re staying. Chimney said it was called Haven Acres? Tell me about it _ .” Buck sighed, leaning back on the bed. As he started talking, about Haven Acres, about everyone he had met, about the last few weeks, he felt a sense of peace. 

Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe this was about closure and moving on. Maybe that was all he needed to finally feel free.

* * *

Maddie walked up to the Grant-Nash household, two coffees in hand. Chimney had relayed information from Bobby that Athena was off that day. And Maddie felt like she and the police sergeant needed to have a conversation.

When Athena opened the door, she looked a little surprised to see Maddie. 

“I come in peace,” Maddie said, holding up the coffees. Athena smiled a little and let her in. She passed one of the cups to Athena as they sat down in the living room. 

“I thought you’d be mad,” Athena began. “Mad that I went to see him or even went searching for him without telling you.”

“I was at first,” Maddie said. “When Chimney told me...I was frustrated because my sole focus has been finding Buck to make sure he’s okay. And then he called me last night. Well, this morning.” Athena nodded. “And he said you told him to call me when you gave him back his phone.”

“Because I know how much you miss him.” Maddie nodded. “I just also had a feeling he’d be overwhelmed if we all showed up there.”

“Well he’s definitely overwhelmed,” Maddie explained. “Eddie decided to drive there with Christopher.”

“I could kill that boy,” Athena muttered and Maddie couldn’t help but chuckle. “He knows how stupid of an idea that is, right?”

“Probably,” Maddie said with a soft sigh. “But I don't think he cares. And I don’t think he’s going to find the Buck he’s expecting.” Athena gave her a look. “He just...he sounds different. I didn’t notice before and I feel awful that I didn’t. But I think he needs to heal and find himself again before he can come home. And I want to give him that space, but also the big sister in me wants to coddle him and tell him everything will be okay.”

“We owe him a lot more than just reassurances.”

“I know,” Maddie said, sadly. “He needs space. I'm hoping he’ll at least call more. Maybe he’s not ready now, but I’m hoping someday he will be.” Athena reached out and squeezed her hand. A line of communication was all they had now. But it could get better.

That was all they could really hope for.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie pulled up to an unassuming house off some back roads. He had no idea what this place was supposed to be. He could see a few people sitting on the grass outside. But it just looked like a house. Was Buck just living with strangers who had taken him in?

Eddie pulled up to an unassuming house off some back roads. He had no idea what this place was supposed to be. He could see a few people sitting on the grass outside. But it just looked like a house. Was Buck just living with strangers who had taken him in?

“Are we here?” Christopher asked from the backseat. He had slept the whole ride. Eddie had fueled up on coffee so he could drive the whole way without stopping. He had been jittery for a while, but now he was nervous. 

“I think so, mijo.” He got out of the car and then helped Christopher out. As they made their way towards the house, Eddie could feel people watching him. He just kept his hand on his son’s shoulder as they approached the door. Eddie raised a confused eyebrow as he saw the open sign, but walked in nonetheless. 

His confusion only grew when he saw a desk and a guy sitting behind it.

“Welcome to,” The guy started but his voice cut off when he looked up. He tilted his head, staring at Eddie and Christopher. He was about to continue, when someone cut him off. 

“I got this Max.” Eddie looked up the stairs behind the desk. A woman was standing at the top of the stairs eyeing Eddie. She came down the stairs and walked past the desk. “You’re Eddie.”

“Uh yeah,” Eddie said, confusion in his voice. He noticed the guy behind the desk, Max, scrutinizing Eddie a little more. Christopher looked up at his dad, obviously very confused as to what was happening. The woman sighed and walked over to him. 

“Well, come on,” She said. She started walking and Eddie followed her with Christopher. Eddie had about a million questions as they walked through the house. What even was this place? Was it someone’s house? A hostel? Had Buck joined a cult? 

All of those questions fell away when they got outside and Eddie spotted Buck. 

He was sitting at a table with a few people. There was a young woman breastfeeding, laughing at something the guy next to her was saying. There was a little girl sitting at the table, simultaneously working on something, while occasionally glancing at Buck. 

And then there was Buck. Eddie felt his breath catch a little seeing the blonde. It had only been a few weeks and yet he had missed his friend more than he could accurately express. The woman stared at Eddie, waiting for him to do something. 

Christopher acted first. 

“Buck!” Buck looked up. He spotted Eddie first, an almost terrified look on his face. But then he saw Christopher and it melted away to a smile. Buck got up as Christopher made his way to him. He squatted down just as Christopher got to him. 

“Hey Superman,” Buck said, hugging Christopher tightly. Christopher hugged him back, his crutches thudding against Buck’s back, but Buck didn’t really care. God, he’d missed that kid so much. When it was clear that Christopher didn’t feel inclined to let go, Buck just secured one arm under his legs as he stood up, holding onto the boy. 

Eddie just stood there, watching Buck interact with Christopher. It made him feel like an idiot for ignoring him for so long and for not letting Buck even see Christopher. Hadn’t he been the one to say he trusted Buck with Christopher more than anyone else? And yet, he couldn’t remember the last time they had seen each other. Had it really not been since the day after the tsunami? God, he had been terrible. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by the woman brushing (or maybe shoving? Eddie was a little too distracted to notice) past him. She walked over to Buck and patted his arm before going to the picnic table Buck where Buck had been sitting. Everyone at the table seemed to be watching, especially the little girl. Eddie swallowed before finally walking over. 

“Hey,” Eddie said, not sure what else to say. Buck just nodded, feeling his throat go dry. 

“We missed you Buck,” Christopher said, looking up at Buck.

“I missed you too buddy,” Buck said smiling at Christopher. Christopher tilted his head and glanced at his dad before looking back at Buck. “You guys must be hungry. I have to help Lucy with lunch soon anyways.” He glanced over at the table and the woman who had shown Eddie to the back nodded to Buck. He set Christopher down and Eddie just watched him. 

“Buck,” Eddie started but Buck cleared his throat. 

“We can talk after.” And then he was walking over to the outside kitchen area, the woman who Buck had called Lucy joining him. Eddie sighed. He hadn’t expected this to be easy, but he also hadn’t expected Buck to be so closed off to him. 

This was going to be a lot harder than he could have prepared for.

* * *

“I don’t like him.” Buck and Lucy were working on lunch when the brunette spoke up.

“You don’t know him.” Lucy gave him a look.

“No, but I know what he did to you,” Lucy said. “And after you saved my daughter’s school from a wildfire and helped Lindsay give birth in the living room, I can’t see why anyone would ever treat you poorly.” Buck started to talk, but Lindsay pointed a wooden spoon at him. “Ah, no guilt.”

“Lucy.” She gave him a look. “There’s a lot more to this than just my side of the story.” He glanced over at Eddie, who was watching him. He could hear those words he had shouted at him in the grocery store.  _ Exhausting. Selfish _ . Maybe he was all those things. Buck sighed. “Look, when I talk to him, can you keep an eye on Chris? Maybe have him and Sophie play or something?”

“Sure,” Lucy said. “Because regardless of his jerk father, you’ve spoken nothing but positives about that kid and I’m sure he and Sophie will get along.” Buck smiled a little at that. “But if that jerkwad upsets you, I’m kicking him out.”

“Lucy.” Lucy huffed. 

“Fine, I won’t kick him out,” Lucy said, going back to cooking. “But I reserve the right to be nice to him.”

“He’s a good guy, Lucy.” Lucy gave him a sad look. “What?”

“He hurt you and you’re still defending him.” Buck sighed. “Just consider that before you let him grovel for forgiveness.” She patted his arm with her free hand. “You deserve someone who cares about you as deeply as you care about them.” Then she went back to cooking. Buck glanced at Eddie, a sad look on his face. Lucy was right. But this was Eddie. 

Nothing was ever that easy with Eddie. 

* * *

Almost an hour after they arrived, Buck finally was giving Eddie a moment to talk with him. Christopher was sitting at a picnic table with Sophie, who happened to be Lucy’s daughter, playing cards while Lucy watched. 

They were standing a little ways away near a bonfire pit. Buck was awkwardly fidgeting with his hands, avoiding eye contact with Eddie. 

“This, uh, seems like an interesting place,” Eddie said, trying to break the awkward silence. 

“It’s a great place,” Buck said. “I’m really glad I found it.” Eddie sighed. It was now or never. 

“Buck, I’m sorry.” Buck still avoided his gaze. “I should’ve noticed you were hurting, that you needed us, needed me and I’m sorry. I’ve just...I’ve been going through some stuff since Shannon died and then the tsunami and I just…”

“You called me exhausting.” Eddie sighed. “You called me exhausting and yelled at me for only seeing my side. You didn’t want to listen to me Eddie. Why is now any different?” Eddie looked at Buck, not sure what to say. “Look, I know losing Shannon was hard. But you acted like you were fine. Hell, you were back at work a week later. But when I needed people to see why I needed to go back to work, why the lawsuit was my only option, you lost it at me.”

“I was angry.” Buck gave him a look and Eddie sighed. “I was so angry because I had lost Shannon and then I almost lost you and Christopher. I didn’t know...I didn’t know how to deal with it.” Buck’s eyes narrowed as he watched Eddie. 

“It wasn’t hypothetical.” He remembered everything about Eddie’s words that day at the grocery store. They were forever burned into his brain. “You really did need to be bailed out of jail.” Eddie sighed. 

“Some guy started giving me a hard time for parking in a disabled spot,” Eddie said. “And I just lost it. But you were suing the department and Bobby, so I called Bosko.” Buck frowned at that. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, knowing he needed to say this out loud. “I was still so angry and I needed an outlet.”

“Eddie.” 

“I started street fighting,” Eddie said, shame in his voice. “And I’m not saying that it was the right thing to do because Bobby already reamed me out for that. But I was so angry and I just...I wanted to punch something.”

“Me?” Eddie looked up at Buck quickly. He could see the pain in his friends eyes and he quickly shook his head. 

“No, Buck, never.” Buck frowned, not believing him. “I would never...I never wanted...Ugh. I just was pissed off at the universe for taking away or trying to take away people in my life and I just needed to do something.”

“So you go to a boxing class,” Buck said, disbelief in his voice. “You don’t go punching people in the street where you could get arrested again!” Then his face changed, a realization hitting him. “You said Bobby reamed you out.”

“Um yeah,” Eddie said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I kind of lost it on Bosko and she said something. Bobby came to my house and kind of called me out on it.”

“Did you get suspended?” Eddie shook his head. “Unbelievable.”

“Buck.” But Buck shook his head. 

“This was exactly what was proven in the lawsuit,” Buck said, an angry look on his face. “Bobby found out you were street fighting and what? Let you off with a warning? If that was me, he would’ve fired me.”

“Buck, come on.”

“No,” Buck said. “Everybody gets a pass except me. Everybody gets to keep their job. I had to fight to get my job back, only to find out Bobby was the one who wouldn’t let me come back. And when I finally came back, you have the audacity to say you were too angry to see my side? God, what kind of friend does that?” Eddie floundered for the right words. “I knew you coming here was a bad idea. You’re never going to understand.” He stormed off and Eddie just watched. 

Of course he had gone and made it worse. He huffed, hating that he had said all the wrong things. But he also wasn’t going to give up that easily. He was going to fix this.

* * *

Buck sat on the bed, shaking his head. God, he couldn’t believe Eddie. Street fighting? He had Christopher to think about. And then there was the anger boiling within over how Eddie had gotten off essentially scot free for it. It was like everyone in the 118 got free passes except for him.

“Buck.” He could hear Eddie’s voice on the other side of the door. “Buck, please.”

“Go away!” He heard Eddie huff. 

“Look your friend Lucy already doesn’t like me so I don’t really care how she feels if I kick this door down.” Buck growled before getting up and opening the door. Eddie gave him a look before walking in. 

“Lucy already wants to kick you out,” Buck sneered. “No reason to piss her off more.” Eddie just sighed. He looked around the room, a frown on his face.

“This is your room?” Buck just glowered at Eddie as he closed the door. “Buck, come on.”

“Don’t ‘come on’ me,” Buck spat out. “You perfectly proved my point as to why I had to sue the department.”

“You could have talked to us!” 

“No I couldn’t have,” Buck said. “You were all too focused on your own lives to see why I needed my job back. You all replaced me. You barely talked to me even before I came back. I was an afterthought to all of you.”

“Buck, no.” Eddie stepped closer to him, if that was even possible in such a small room. “God, Buck I am so sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“Let me finish.” Buck just glared at Eddie. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I should’ve...I should’ve been there when you woke up, not Carla. And I’m so sorry I wasn’t. All this time you needed us, you needed me and I was too busy being angry at the world to see that.”

“You’re just sorry because I left.” Eddie shook his head. 

“I’m sorry because my best friend was hurting and I didn’t see that,” Eddie said. “I’m sorry because you needed me and I wasn’t there. I’m sorry because…” He looked up at Buck, at those blue eyes that he could feel himself getting lost in.

“Don’t say anything you’ll take back the minute you leave.” Buck could feel tears in his eyes. Those feelings he tried to bury when he left were exploding their way back up. Buck loved Eddie. He was in love with Eddie. But Eddie couldn’t feel the same way. And he wasn’t ready to hear it if it wasn’t true.

“Buck...I…” Eddie wanted to say the words. But he could feel his heart beating faster, his throat growing tight as he tried to push towards admission. But he was never good with words. He was never good at expressing his feelings. But he had his actions. And he knew actions always spoke louder than words. “Oh screw it.” He grabbed Buck’s shirt, hauling Buck towards him. Buck let out a startled noise and was about to say something. 

Eddie silenced him with a kiss. 

He didn’t know how long he had been waiting to kiss Buck. Had it been the day after the tsunami, when he wanted to thank Buck for doing everything to keep Christopher safe? Had it been when they had gotten him free from the firetruck, wanting to reassure him that everything would be okay? Was it when Buck let Bobby know that Eddie was going to have to bring Christopher to the station? Or was it the first day they met when Eddie saw this gorgeous human being standing before him. 

He didn’t know how long he had been waiting to do it, but he was going to make up for lost time. He almost stopped, when he felt Buck frozen against him. But then Buck’s arms wrapped around him, pulling their bodies flush together, his lips moving against Eddie’s. His tongue ran against Buck’s bottom lip, begging for entrance, and Buck’s lips parted at the sensation. They kissed and kissed, unspoken words spilling out between them.

Buck pulled himself away, gasping for air. His lips felt numb from how hard Eddie had kissed him and his whole body was tingling. Eddie had kissed him. He couldn’t even believe this moment was real. And yet, it didn’t make up for the hurt. It didn’t change anything. 

“What the hell?” Was all Buck could muster. 

“I…” Eddie stammered, not exactly sure what to say.

“You can’t just...you can’t just kiss me and hope that everything is magically fixed.” Eddie shook his head.

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” Eddie said. “And I know that it won’t fix this but I just...I needed you to know.” Buck sat down on the bed, so many thoughts running through his head (some of which were how nice it had felt to actually kiss Eddie). “May I?” Buck shrugged and Eddie sat down next to him. 

“Look Buck,” Eddie started. “I screwed up. We all did. And we just want to make it right.”

“You can’t fix what you did,” Buck said, looking down at his shoes. Eddie gently took one of his hands and Buck looked up at him. 

“I know,” Eddie said. “I can see that now. But I can listen. We can all listen. We can try and earn your trust back. I want that. I want my best friend back.”

“And the other thing?” Buck asked, trying not to touch his lips.

“I guess if I can prove I deserve your friendship, then maybe I can prove I deserve something more too.”

“I’m not leaving,” Buck said. “This place...everyone here is so kind and I’m happy here.” Eddie nodded. “But, I can try talking to everyone. Over the phone. I don’t need any more spontaneous visits.”

“It was stupid of me to do that,” Eddie said. “I just...I guess I’m more level-headed when I have you around.” Buck smiled a little at that. “We can go, if that would be easier. Especially since Lucy clearly hates me.”

“She only knows you based on what I’ve told her,” Buck said. “She’s protective of everyone here. It is her place after all.”

“She owns this place?” Eddie asked. “She doesn’t look older than you.”

“It’s a long story,” Buck said. “I can explain it later after I convince Lucy to let you and Christopher stay the night.”

“You sure?”

“Contrary to popular belief, I’d like my best friend back too.” Eddie pulled Buck into a hug. Buck let his chin rest on Eddie’s shoulder, just breathing in the moment. For as much hurt as he had gone through, but had missed knowing there was someone who had his back no matter what. And maybe they weren’t there yet. Maybe getting back there would take some time. 

But this was a start, and that was something they could work with.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Buck started reading, Eddie tried not to stare at him. It felt like normal, the three of them together. He had missed those nights of movie nights, some animated movie on the screen, Christopher’s giggles filling the room, until he fell asleep between them.
> 
> Eddie wondered how he had never noticed before how easily they fit together. It had happened so seamlessly, probably the moment Buck met Christopher. And yet Eddie had been stupid enough to push Buck away. He wasn’t going to let that happen again.

Eddie walked over to the door, hearing a light knock. Christopher was already in the king-size bed, holding a book. Christopher just grinned, already knowing who to expect at the door. 

“Hey,” Buck said as Eddie opened the door. “Got your text.” Eddie chuckled and let him in. 

“Someone was hoping you would read to him.” Buck glanced at Christopher who gave him a huge grin. 

“Please Buck?” Christopher asked. “Daddy doesn’t do the voices as well as you do.” Eddie wanted to be insulted but seeing the look on Christopher’s face left him with only a smile. Eddie glanced at Buck and noticed that he was smiling. 

“Well,” Buck said, drawing out the word. “Alright.” Christopher cheered and scooted into the middle of the bed. Buck sat down next to him as Christopher handed him the book. He glanced over at Eddie. “Are you joining us?” Eddie stared at Buck for a second, before sitting down on the other side of Christopher. 

As Buck started reading, Eddie tried not to stare at him. It felt like normal, the three of them together. He had missed those nights of movie nights, some animated movie on the screen, Christopher’s giggles filling the room, until he fell asleep between them.

Eddie wondered how he had never noticed before how easily they fit together. It had happened so seamlessly, probably the moment Buck met Christopher. And yet Eddie had been stupid enough to push Buck away. He wasn’t going to let that happen again.

It took two chapters, but Christopher finally drifted off, his head pressed against Eddie’s side. Eddie lifted him up just slightly, laying him down on the bed, as Buck put the book aside. 

And then it was just the two of them, standing there in the room. 

“I’m sorry there wasn’t a room with two beds.”

“It’s fine,” Eddie said. He didn’t want to admit to Buck that Christopher had been sleeping a lot more in his bed because that would seem like he was trying to guilt-trip Buck for leaving, which he was absolutely not trying to do.

“I, uh, should get going.” Eddie just nodded as Buck headed towards the door. Eddie just watched him, not saying anything. He needed to give Buck space, to respect that he needed time and to let Buck come to him. But then Buck stopped and looked at Eddie. “Thomas probably has the bonfire going if...if you want to join us.”

“Are you sure?” Eddie asked. Buck just shrugged, but offered Eddie a smile. And because Eddie wanted to do just about anything to get back what they had, just nodded. 

It was a start.

* * *

Eddie followed back towards the bonfire, hearing voices echoing through the courtyard.

“Oh Buck, thank goodness!” It was Lindsay who greeted them as they approached the circle. “Thomas is being ridiculous and I need your level-head.” Lindsay then noticed Eddie and she frowned a little, clutching a baby monitor in her hand. Buck took a seat and nodded to an open seat for Eddie. He sat down, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. Buck noticed it too, speaking up quickly. 

“And what is Thomas being ridiculous about now?”

“The hell you mean ‘now’?” Thomas asked, an offended look on his face and Lindsay giggled.

“You have very strong thoughts and opinions,” Lucy pointed out and Thomas huffed. 

“Nothing wrong with a strong personality.” Lucy shook her head and Max rolled his eyes. Eddie just watched them and they ease they all interacted with each other. Even Buck was intertwined in this group. “But I was saying that it makes no sense how Evie has blonde hair when we’re both brunettes.” Lindsay just shook her head and Buck chuckled.

“That’s not weird, it’s just babies,” Buck said. “Melanin in babies develops slowly. Her hair will be brown eventually.”

“Now I see why you’re so good at helping Sophie with her science homework,” Lucy said with a chuckle. 

“Well I like science,” Buck said with a shrug. “And I’ve had practice.” He glanced at Eddie, who bit back a smile, feeling like he wasn’t exactly welcome.

“Not a science guy, Eddie?” Max asked from the other side.

“Not even close,” Eddie said. “I’m more of a history buff.”

“Lucy can’t help Sophie with her science homework either,” Thomas said, earning him a glare from Lucy. 

“I can sometimes help her,” Lucy said. “I just have a place to run and Buck gets science better.”

“It’s fine, Eddie’s no better,” Buck said, glancing at his friend. Eddie gave him a look, not knowing why Buck was inviting him into the conversation. “What? We’re just supposed to forget the volcano?”

“It was supposed to be a simple project,” Eddie countered. “How was I supposed to know it was going to explode everywhere?”

“He put the vinegar in the volcano and sprinkled the baking soda in last,” Buck said. “Exploded all over the kitchen.”

“Right as my Abuela walked in.” Everyone chuckled at that. “It’s why she calls me abominación de cocina.”

“What’s that mean?” Thomas asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Kitchen abomination.” Everyone grew silent. Lucy’s eyes fell on Max, who had tensed up. Lucy then glared at Eddie, even though he didn’t know what he did wrong. 

“We don’t use that word.” Even Buck was confused.

“Lucy, it’s fine,” Max said, a sad look on his face. “He didn’t know.” Lucy just huffed, still sending very angry energy towards Eddie. It was clear he was never going to win over the owner of the place. But he was also confused why what he had said upset Max. “I just...uh.” Max cleared his throat.

“We got you dude,” Buck said, offering Max a smile. Eddie watched as everyone shifted to focus on Max, who sighed a little. 

“I know I told you all that I left home years ago because my parents didn’t accept me,” Max said. “But um, it was worse than that. They uh...well I had this friend who...he was my first kiss, my first everything. But one day, my parents caught us. And I just...I remember my father screaming at me calling me...calling me ‘an abomination’ as my mother cried and prayed to God. I left because it was either that or conversion therapy.” 

“I’m so sorry Max,” Lucy said, reaching for his arm. 

“My parents loved the church and God,” Max said. “But I had always hoped when they found out, when I was able to really come out to them and show them who I really was...I guess I was just hoping they would love me more than their beliefs.” He sniffed a little, looking down. “I was wrong.” The group grew quiet, just the sound of the fire crackling and Max’s crying.

“Screw them.” Max looked up at Thomas who spoke. “If they don’t love you or who you want to love, then they don’t deserve you.”

“But they’re my family.”

“Families are wrong all the time,” Lindsay said. “Mine was.” Max nodded a little. Eddie could feel Buck glancing at him at the mention of family. “But they don’t have to be your only family.”

“She’s right,” Eddie said. Max looked at him, a little confused. Lucy, of course, was simply glaring at him. “There’s a saying, right? You got the family you’re born into and the one you choose. And sometimes the second one’s more important.” Lucy’s expression softened and Max smiled. 

“Thanks.” Eddie nodded. The conversation quickly shifted, Thomas bringing up sports and Max eagerly arguing with him as Lindsay laughed at their antics. Eddie could feel Buck’s eyes on him and he glanced at the blonde. Buck sent him a soft smile and Eddie smiled back before focusing on the conversation. 

Another foot in the right direction.

* * *

It was early the next morning when Eddie stood by his truck. He did have to work later that day and he couldn’t ask for time off, since he was sure Bobby wasn’t pleased with him for taking off the other day. 

Buck was kneeling on the ground, talking to Christopher. If his son didn’t like that Buck wasn’t coming back with him, he hadn’t said anything. Instead, he was smiling as he talked to Buck, Buck’s grin just as bright. Eddie couldn’t help but smile as Buck hugged Christopher tightly. 

“Time to go, mijo,” Eddie called as Christopher pulled away. Christopher nodded and walked over to his dad. After Eddie helped him into the truck and closed the door, he turned to Buck. “So, I guess this is goodbye.”

“I’ll call,” Buck promised. “Everyone. I promise.” Eddie just nodded, fidgeting with his keys. It felt wrong to leave Buck there. But it was what Buck wanted. He’d have to live with that for now. 

“Well then I guess I’ll hear from you soon.” Buck nodded as they stood there awkwardly. Then Buck pulled him into a hug and Eddie sighed, relief spreading through him. A part of Eddie just wanted to haul Buck into the car kicking and screaming and bring him home. But Buck would never forgive him if he did that. 

So, fighting against everything screaming otherwise, Eddie took a step back.

“I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Drive safe.” 

Then, because standing there was starting to hurt more than he could explain, Eddie got into the car. He watched in the rearview mirror as Buck walked back to the house. 

“Daddy?” He glanced back at Christopher. “Are we going to see Buck again soon?” Eddie glanced up at the rearview mirror, seeing Buck standing on the porch. Eddie sighed and started the car. 

“I hope so, mijo. I really hope so.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t expect Athena to be the one opening the door, leveling Eddie with a look that was both filled with annoyance and disappointment. 
> 
> “Let him come in before you yell at him.”

Eddie walked into the station later that day. Bobby had texted him asking him to come in early. As he walked through the station, he could feel eyes watching him. He spotted Hen and Chimney, both scrutinizing his every move. Eddie just sighed and continued his way to Bobby’s office. He knocked on the door, not sure what to expect.

He didn’t expect Athena to be the one opening the door, leveling Eddie with a look that was both filled with annoyance and disappointment. 

“Let him come in before you yell at him.” Athena looked at her husband and huffed before letting Eddie walk in. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Eddie sighed. “Or do you just not like listening?”

“I thought I’d have a better chance,” Eddie said with a sigh. “And I just wanted to see him.” Athena huffed and shook her head. 

“Well clearly he’s not back here,” Athena said. Eddie swallowed looking down at his hands. 

“Eddie?” He glanced at Bobby and sighed. “What happened?”

“I saw first-hand how bad I hurt him,” Eddie said. “How bad we hurt him. He needed all of us and we just...we pushed him aside. And now he has these people who listen and who support him and...I don’t blame him for not wanting to come home.”

“I tried to tell you this the other day,” Athena said.

“I know,” Eddie said sadly. “And I should’ve listened.” Athena just hummed in agreement. Eddie sighed. He knew Athena was going to be furious with him. He wondered if Bobby wasn’t there if she would’ve just yelled at him and not let him explain. But Bobby was there, so that was somewhat of a relief. Although, his captain was watching him. 

“So, what’s his plan then?” Bobby asked. 

“He stayed,” Eddie said. Athena huffed, giving Eddie a look that said ‘I could’ve told you that’. “But, he said he’d call more.” Bobby nodded. “It’s a step in the right direction.”

“Do you think he’ll ever come back?” Bobby asked. 

“I really don’t know,” Eddie said. “I’m trying not to dwell on that. I owe him a lot more than that.” Bobby just nodded. “I should go get ready.”

“You’re dismissed.” Eddie nodded and headed out of the office. He truly didn’t know if Buck would ever come back to LA. But that wasn’t his focus. His focus was making sure Buck knew he was always going to be there for him, no matter what.

* * *

Chimney sat in his apartment, watching TV. Well, he wasn’t really focusing on the TV, too busy thinking about work. Eddie had been painfully quiet the whole shift. Chimney was sure it had to do with him visiting Buck, but he hadn’t said anything about it. Maddie was at work, but when she came over later, Chimney was sure he would get the play-by-play of how the visit went.

There was a part of him that felt immensely guilty for what happened. Sure, he hadn’t been as awful to Buck as others. But he also hadn’t been a good ally or even friend to Buck. He felt so stupid for basically telling Buck to suck it up. He had really thought that Buck being the man behind was going to be like when he first started working at the 118. But their situations were vastly different. Captain Girardi had been a lot of things, but Chimney had learned very quickly not to expect anything from his racist and misogynistic captain. 

Bobby wasn’t like that. Bobby was fair and kind, usually. He had only seemed cruel once before and that had been when he fired Sal. But of course, he hadn't actually fired Sal, just got him suspended and then transferred. Chimney should’ve said something to Bobby about what he had been doing to Buck. But he hadn’t. And for that, Chimney felt guilty. How was he supposed to convince Maddie that they had a future together when he hadn’t stuck up for Buck?

He was drawn out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Buck’s name.

“Buck?”

“ _ Hey Chim.” _ Chimney let out a relieved laugh and smiled. 

“It’s good to hear from you,” Chimney said. “Though I’m a little surprised.”

“ _ I said I’d try talking to everyone more _ ,” Buck explained. “ _ Didn’t Eddie tell you guys?” _

“Uh, he was a little quiet today,” Chimney said. “Probably from his conversation with Bobby and Athena before his shift.” He heard Buck chuckle. 

“ _ Athena’s pretty scary when she’s mad _ .” Chimney snorted at that. “ _ I’ve been on the receiving end of that anger once or twice _ .”

“Like with that teenager and her kid?”

“ _ Jesus I was an asshole back then. How’d you guys put up with me?” _

“You were young,” Chimney said. “And still a damn good firefighter, even if you were a little impulsive.”

“ _ Were? _ ”

“You’ve matured Buckaroo. A lot.” He heard Buck exhale. “So, uh, not that I don’t appreciate the call, but I’m kind of surprised.”

“ _ Why?”  _ Chimney sighed, running his hand down his face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stick up for you,” Chimney began. “I should’ve said something. You’re a damn good firefighter and we needed you back on the team, not being stuck at the station. You didn’t need to prove anything to anyone.”

“ _ Chim, I’m not mad at you _ .” Chimney raised an eyebrow at that. “ _ I never was. You and Hen, you guys were the only reasons I didn’t leave sooner. The only reasons I could bear going to a place I didn’t feel wanted.” _

“I just wish I had done more.” 

“ _ Look as much as I knew my leaving would hurt people,”  _ Buck began. _ “I always knew Maddie would eventually be okay. Because she has you.” _

“Buck.”

“ _ Chimney you’re a good guy. And you’ll always protect my sister.” _

“That’s a lot to put on a guy,” Chimney said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“ _ Says the guy who gave Bobby a hard time for not letting him do more rescues.” _ Chimney snorted at that. “ _ As long as Maddie has you, I know she’ll be okay _ .”

“She'd be more than okay if she had both of us.”

“ _ I’m working on it _ ,” Buck said.  _ “I lost myself for a while. It’s nice to finally feel like I’m maybe getting back to who I was.” _ Chimney nodded. Buck certainly sounded okay, hopeful even. 

“Well I’m glad to hear that,” Chimney said. 

“ _ So uh, now that we got the mushy stuff out of the way, _ ” Chimney laughed at that and he heard Buck chuckle as well. “ _ Why don’t you catch me up on what I’ve missed?” _

“Well Josh brought this new board game to game night.” And as Chimney spoke, there was an ease to his conversation with Buck, almost like things were moving back to normal.

* * *

“Honey.” Hen looked up from the book she was reading as Karen called for her. Denny was sitting at the table, attempting to do homework, while Paisley did circles around his feet. “Your phone’s ringing.” She noticed an odd look on Karen’s face. “I, uh, might’ve peeked? It’s Buck.” Hen stood up, taking her phone from Karen. 

“Buckaroo?” She smiled hearing a familiar chuckle on the other end. 

“ _ Hey Hen _ .” 

“Oh it’s so good to hear from you,” Hen said, putting her book down. “I’ll admit I was a little jealous when Chim said you called him.”

“ _ I guess I should’ve called the person who’s always looking out for me, first.” _

“I wouldn’t say always.” Hen said with a smile. 

“ _ Oh really? _ ” Buck asked. “ _ Weren’t you the one who basically helped me not get fired almost two years ago? _ ”

“No,” Hen countered. “You just happened to be good at your job. You always were.” She heard a laugh on Buck’s end. “So this place you’re staying, what’s the deal?”

_ “It’s called Haven Acres _ ,” Buck explained. “ _ It started out as a hostel and became a sort of safe place for people who needed somewhere to go. It’s really nice and I really like it here _ .”

“And this Lucy woman I’ve heard about a few times? What’s her deal?”

“ _ It’s not like that Hen _ .” Hen scoffed. “ _ Really it’s not. _ ” Hen nodded, knowing that was the case, but then again, when was the last time Buck had eyes for anyone but Eddie? She wasn’t blind; it had been obvious to her from the start that Buck was interested in Eddie. Eddie, not so much, until the ladder truck bombing. She remembered that haunted look in Eddie’s eyes as they wheeled Buck towards the ambulance, almost like he was full of regret. It was obvious to her then that whatever Buck felt, Eddie felt it right back.

“Hey Buck?” She heard Buck hum in acknowledgment. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice you needed help sooner.”

“ _ You were the one who welcomed me back _ ,” Buck pointed out. “ _ Remember the cupcake and marching to the beat of your own drum _ ?”

“You needed our help way before then,” Hen said. “You’ve needed us since the bombing and we weren’t there. And I’m sorry.” She heard Buck sigh. 

“ _ I think I lost myself somewhere along the way _ ,” Buck said. “ _ Maybe when the bomb went off, maybe when I woke up from surgery. But somewhere along the way, I lost who I was. _ ”

“And is this place, Haven Acres, is it going to help you find that happy-go-lucky kid who runs head-first into trouble and has mountains of random facts?” She heard Buck chuckle. 

“ _ Yeah, I think so _ .”

“Good.” She smiled a little. “Well don’t be a stranger. It’s nice to catch up.”

“ _ I won’t be. Tell Karen I said hi _ .” The call ended and Hen put her phone down. 

“Everything okay?” Karen asked, sitting down next to her.

“I think it will be,” Hen said with a smile. “I think it will be.”

* * *

“Okay but then what do I do with the decimals?” Eddie was sitting at the dining room table, helping Christopher with his math homework. It had been a few days since he had seen Buck. He had heard from Chimney and Hen that they had both spoken to Buck. He was glad that Buck was calling all of them (well except Bobby, but he could tell Buck wasn’t ready for that yet). It gave him hope that someday Buck would come back to Los Angeles. 

He was about to answer his son when his phone started ringing. When Christopher saw the name flash across the screen, he grinned. 

“Answer it!”

“So pushy, mijo.” Christopher huffed and Eddie chuckled before answering the call. “Hey Buck.”

“Buck!” He heard Buck chuckle on the other end.

“ _ And how are the Diaz boys today _ ?” Eddie couldn’t help but smile. Buck had kept his word to call more, usually in the evening so he could talk to Christopher, if Eddie wasn’t working. Most of his calls were usually just talking to Christopher, but they talked as well. It had felt so easy that Eddie sometimes pretended that Buck was only a few miles away and not hundreds of miles. 

“Well someone has to finish his homework,” Eddie said, glancing at his son. Christopher pouted. 

“Can I talk to Buck when I’m done?” Eddie chuckled but nodded. 

“Sure, mijo. Now get to work.” Christopher eagerly got back to his homework as Eddie stood up and headed into the kitchen, moving his phone from speaker and cradling it against his ear. 

“ _ I’m assuming he’s doing math homework,”  _ Buck said and Eddie laughed. 

“Yeah he is,” Eddie said. “Multiplying fractions.” Buck hissed and Eddie smirked. “So, I heard you called Hen and Chimney.”

“ _ Yeah, it was nice to catch up with them _ ,” Buck said. “ _ And it sounds like you’ve had some crazy calls _ .” Eddie sighed at that. 

“Well nothing as bad as the wildfires,” Eddie said. “There haven’t been anymore by you, right?”

“ _ Not since the incident with Sophie’s school _ .” Eddie could almost breathe a sigh of relief, but the wildfires had been unpredictable so far and Buck was basically surrounded by trees, so it was only some relief. 

“So you’re good?”

“ _ I’m great _ .” And Eddie believed him. He could hear the happiness in his voice. A part of him was jealous that he hadn’t put that happiness there, but he could push that side away. At least for now. “ _ I have been having a little trouble sleeping _ .” Eddie raised an eyebrow at that. “ _ Keep having these weird dreams of this guy shoving his tongue down my throat _ .” Eddie nearly choked at that and Buck chuckled. 

“Is this your version of flirting with me?” Eddie asked incredulously. Buck laughed again. “Jesus.”

“ _ I mean it’s not a lie _ .” Eddie huffed, a blush crossing his face. 

“I didn’t think the other thing was on the table.”

“ _ Doesn’t mean I can’t tease you a little _ .  _ Are you blushing, Diaz? _ ”

“Don’t call me Diaz.” Buck laughed again and Eddie couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to know there was a possibility Buck was still thinking about their kiss. Eddie certainly couldn’t get it out of his head; the softness of Buck’s lips, his taught biceps under Eddie’s fingers. All of it was intoxicating to Eddie and he wished he could do it over and over again. But he was trying to prove he deserved even friendship with Buck. 

The other thing would have to wait.

“It’s nice talking to you, Buck.” Eddie said, his free hand fidgeting with his Henley. “You can call me anytime, if you want. Or text me if I’m working.”

“ _ Sounds good _ .” Eddie smiled a little at that. 

“Daddy!” Christopher called from the other room. “I’m done! Can I talk to Buck now?” Eddie chuckled. 

“ _ Guess it’s time I talk to my favorite Diaz.” _

“I’d be offended if he wasn’t my favorite too.” Eddie walked back into the dining room. He put the phone back on speaker, passing it to Christopher. As he checked over his son’s homework, he couldn’t help but smile listening to Christopher talk to Buck over the phone. It felt right, like things were slowly moving back to normal. 

And Eddie knew he’d have as many phone calls with Buck as possible to prove how much of a better friend he was going to be. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he had been walking by the locker rooms when he overheard Chimney and Eddie talking about Buck. 
> 
> That was when he learned that all three of them were in contact with Buck.

Bobby stood in the kitchen of the station, watching the three members of his team by the couches. Hen was on one side of the couch, her legs tucked to one side, watching the news, while nodding at something Chimney was saying. Chimney was in the recliner, commenting on the report about the growing wildfires. And Eddie was on the other side of the couch, texting. 

All three of them had been attached to their phones lately. And Bobby didn’t have to ask why. 

He knew he wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he had been walking by the locker rooms when he overheard Chimney and Eddie talking about Buck. 

That was when he learned that all three of them were in contact with Buck. 

He knew Athena had given Buck his phone back. Athena had even off-handedly mentioned that Buck had checked in once or twice via texts. But he didn’t realize everyone else was in such constant communication with the youngest member of their team (Bobby didn’t care that Buck had resigned, he was still a member of their team, even if he had been too stubborn to admit that).

When it came to Chimney, he wasn’t surprised to know that Buck was calling him. Chimney and Buck had always been close, but they had only gotten closer when Chimney started dating Maddie. There was a bond there, one that Bobby knew would eventually be brotherly, especially with how well Chimney and Maddie’s relationship was going. 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised that Buck was willing to call Hen. The two were always close. And he knew Hen had been as on Buck’s side when he had come back as she could’ve been without causing a scene. There was an underlying affection that Hen had for Buck that she was more openly expressing now. 

Eddie being in contact with Buck was shocking. Eddie had made it clear to Bobby that he had messed up with Buck just as much as Bobby had. And Bobby had assumed that when Eddie came back from seeing Buck empty-handed that that was the end of their friendship. But Eddie had been glued to his phone the last few weeks, constantly texting and chuckling at whatever was on the screen. It had shocked Bobby when he had snuck a peek over the couch one day and saw that Eddie was texting Buck. 

A chuckle from Eddie brought Bobby out of his thoughts. 

“And what are you laughing at?” Hen asked, glancing at Eddie. Bobby stayed quiet, just observing them. 

“Buck said one of the guys at Haven Acres fell asleep on a plate of food,” Eddie said with a smirk. “Sent a picture.” Eddie showed his phone to Hen, who chuckled at the picture. “He said it was Thomas.”

“Is that the one with the newborn?” Chimney asked. “I still can’t believe Buckaroo helped someone deliver a baby.”

“What was that thing you said about him the other day?” Hen asked. “That he just can’t help being a hero?” Chimney chuckled.

“Well they named the baby after him so that’s an ego boost,” Chimney said. 

“He doesn’t even go by his first name,” Eddie pointed out. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone but Maddie call him his actual name.” Bobby turned away, not caring to listen anymore. It was clear they were all getting back on track. 

But it was clear that Bobby wasn’t even close to that level. He tried to push down the guilt bubbling up, deciding to start working on dinner, then thinking about why he wasn’t worthy of Buck’s forgiveness yet, or even ever.

* * *

“You’ve been on your phone a lot.” Buck was putting away leftovers in the refrigerator when he heard Lucy’s voice. He closed the refrigerator and turned to face Lucy. She had an unreadable expression on her face. 

“Well I promised I would keep in touch.” Lucy sighed. “What?”

“Most people who come here aren’t in contact with what they left behind,” Lucy pointed out. “They don’t have people clamoring for them to come home.” Buck gave Lucy a look. “Look, you fit in here. My daughter likes you. Hell, I let you run the desk which only Max was allowed to do before.” Buck’s expression softened. 

“I like being here Lucy,” Buck said. “I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.” Lucy sighed. 

“It just seems like you miss all those people in LA,” Lucy said. “The people who made you leave in the first place.” Buck sighed. 

“Do you remember what I said when I first got here?” Buck asked. “I came here because Ray said this was a good place to go to find what you’re looking for. And when you asked me what I was looking for I said myself.” Lucy just nodded. “Yes, what happened with all of them hurt. But I didn’t speak up or do something about it sooner because I lost who I was. That’s why I’m still here Lucy. Because I’m still looking for myself and this is the best place to do that.”

“Can I put that on the flyer?” Buck snorted and Lucy smirked. “Sorry I just...you fit in so well here. I’d act the same way if I thought Max or Thomas and Lindsay were ever considering leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Lucy nodded. “Now, how about we set up that bonfire before Thomas tries to and ruins it again.”

“Sounds good.” Buck nodded with a smile before heading outside with Lucy. What he had said to her was true. Even if he was getting more comfortable with everyone back in LA, it didn’t mean he was ready to go back. He needed more time. He needed to rediscover himself. 

And Haven Acres was exactly the place he needed to do that.

* * *

Maddie sighed as she sat down on the couch in her apartment, a glass of wine on the coffee table in front of her. She was deciding on watching a movie or reading, since she was alone for the evening. Her decision ended up being neither when her phone started ringing. 

“Hey there, little brother.” She heard Buck chuckle on the other ends. 

“ _ Hey Maddie. I’m not interrupting anything, am I _ ?” Maddie smiled and took a sip of her wine. 

“Nope,” She said. “Chimney’s working, so I was just deciding between reading or watching a movie. But I would much rather talk to you.”

“ _ Glad to hear it.” _

“Hey Josh mentioned that there was another small wildfire near San Jose,” Maddie said. “You guys are good right?”

“ _ Yeah we’re good,” Buck said. “No wildfires since the thing with Sophie’s school. _ ” Maddie nodded. “ _ You know Eddie asked me about that too _ .”

“Are you talking a lot?”

“ _ Well I’m trying to keep in touch with everyone _ ,” Buck said.

“But are you talking to him more than say Hen or Chimney?” Buck sighed. “I’m just looking out for you little brother.”

“ _ It’s complicated, Maddie _ .”

“I don’t see how.” She heard Buck sigh and she pursed her lips. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“ _ He kissed me.” _

“What?” Maddie’s raised voice echoed through her whole apartment as her eyes went wide. She knew her brother had feelings for Eddie and Chimney seemed to believe Eddie would reciprocate those feelings. But she certainly didn’t expect it when Buck had left the city. “When?”

“ _ What do you mean when? When he visited. _ ”

“Buck that was weeks ago!” Maddie huffed. “How come you didn’t tell me sooner?”

“ _ Cus I knew you’d get all protective and probably march over to Eddie’s and tell him to back off _ .”

“Well he should,” Maddie countered, frowning. “You said he broke your heart with how he treated you. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“ _ Like I said, it’s complicated _ .” Maddie tsked at that and she heard Buck sigh. “ _ It didn’t go farther than a kiss because I didn’t want it to. I didn’t feel like I could trust him then. _ ”

“And now?”

“ _ I trust him more as my friend _ ,” Buck explained.  _ “But I’m not ready to put my heart on the line. Especially with someone who’s always been so awful at expressing himself. _ ” Maddie sighed. “ _ I’m not rushing into anything Maddie. I’m talking to Eddie and everyone else because you’re all important to me. But I’m also trying to put myself first. _ ”

“I’m proud of you Evan,” Maddie said with a smile. “I mean, I miss you like crazy, but I’m proud that you’re figuring this out. And the phone calls don’t hurt.” Buck chuckled and she was sure he was smiling on the other end. “So, Thanksgiving is next week. Any big plans?”

“ _ Lucy wants to have a big meal _ .” Maddie bit back a sigh. “ _ She’s already talking about the menu with me. And Thomas has some crazy ideas for the turkey, but I don’t know if Lucy will let him _ .”

“Well that sounds nice.”

“ _ Maybe we could do something for Christmas. _ ”

“I could come to you,” Maddie offered. “If that’s okay with Lucy.”

“ _ I think that would be really nice _ .” Maddie smiled at that. She missed her brother and she just really wanted to see him. And hug him. She missed hugging him. “ _ I should get going. I’ll talk to you soon Maddie.” _

“Talk to you soon, little brother.” The call ended and Maddie leaned back on the couch, a smile on her face.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t help but smile at everyone at the table. Thomas was, of course, running the conversation, gesticulating his arms as he spoke. Lindsay was watching him, a bright grin on her face as she held their daughter. Max had pulled up a deck chair to the head of the table and was shaking his head at Thomas’s words. Lucy was sitting opposite of Lindsay, playing with Sophie’s hair as she listened. 
> 
> It was odd how quickly these people had wormed their way into Buck’s heart. Everyone always told Buck he wore his heart on his sleeve, but that was more obvious the closer he got with this new group of people.

“Mijo, turn the TV off!”

“But the parade!” Eddie huffed as he walked into the living room. Christopher was on the couch, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, a huge smile on his face. 

“You already watched it this morning.”

“But it’s on again.” Eddie gave Christopher a look and his son pouted. 

“We need to leave in five minutes,” Eddie said. 

“I’m ready to go. Can I keep watching?” Eddie was about to say something when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. 

“Okay, but only because I’m getting a phone call.” He headed towards the kitchen. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and smiled when he saw Buck’s name. True to his word, Buck did call him whenever. And it was easy just chatting with him on the phone. But it also continued to leave Eddie with wanting more. But he didn’t push, he knew better. “Hey Buck.”

“ _ Hey Eds, Happy Thanksgiving.” _

“Same to you,” Eddie said, glancing into the living room. 

“ _ Are you and Christopher in Texas for Thanksgiving? _ ” Eddie sighed. “ _ Sorry, was that a sore subject?” _

“No.” It kind of was, but Eddie didn’t need to get into his issues with his parents. That would take a much longer conversation and probably a beer. “I have to work tomorrow and Chris didn’t want to go to Texas without me.”

“ _ So what are you doing for the holiday? Going to your Abuela’s _ ?”

“No, she went to Texas,” Eddie explained. “We’re actually...well everyone else is working tomorrow too, so we’re going to Athena’s.”

“ _ Yeah, Maddie mentioned that to me. Wasn’t sure if you were going too.” _

“And miss out on her mashed potatoes?” Buck chuckled at that. “You, uh, you haven’t spoken to Bobby yet, have you?” He heard Buck sigh. “Sorry.”

“ _ No it’s okay _ .” Buck said, a softness to his voice. “ _ I’m just not ready to talk to him yet. _ ”

“That’s fair. If you ever needed someone to run by what to say, when you are ready, you know I’m here right?”

“ _ Yeah I know that Eddie. But thanks _ .”

“Anytime, Buck.” Eddie glanced at his watch and sighed. “I should get going.”

“ _ Tell Christopher I said hi _ .”

“Of course. And enjoy your Thanksgiving.”

“ _ You too, Eds _ .” Eddie sighed before ending the call. He held the phone for a second. It didn’t feel like enough anymore. He just wanted to see Buck, to see that smile and those blue eyes in person. But he had crossed a line when he visited the first time. He couldn’t do that again. 

“Christopher, time to go,” Eddie called towards the living room. He’d deal with all of his feelings about wanting to see Buck another time. 

He had time with his friends and family to distract him for that. 

* * *

Buck sat at one of the picnic tables, laughing at something Thomas was saying. Everyone was spread out at the picnic tables, plates full of food. He and Lucy had been busy all day preparing the food. Max had assisted with a few things, but mostly the two of them handled things. Thomas had suggested deep-frying the turkey, saying it tasted delicious, but Lucy shot that down. 

He couldn’t help but smile at everyone at the table. Thomas was, of course, running the conversation, gesticulating his arms as he spoke. Lindsay was watching him, a bright grin on her face as she held their daughter. Max had pulled up a deck chair to the head of the table and was shaking his head at Thomas’s words. Lucy was sitting opposite of Lindsay, playing with Sophie’s hair as she listened. 

It was odd how quickly these people had wormed their way into Buck’s heart. Everyone always told Buck he wore his heart on his sleeve, but that was more obvious the closer he got with this new group of people. They were good people. But at the back of his mind, a part of him knew this wasn’t forever. Maybe Lucy would close Haven Acres or Thomas and Lindsay would go home or Max would hit the road. But either way, this place wasn’t forever. 

It wasn’t home. Not really. 

“Okay well now that Thomas is done,” Lindsay said, as Thomas took Evie from Lindsay. “We wanted to talk to you guys about something.”

“Oh, intriguing,” Max said, rubbing his hands together. 

“Well obviously we’re engaged,” Lindsay said, quickly admiring the ring on her finger before glancing at Thomas. “But we don’t want it to be a long engagement.”

“I’ve always wanted to plan a wedding,” Lucy said. “That wasn’t mine, obviously.” Lindsay smiled at that. 

“Can I be the flower girl?” Sophie asked. “Every wedding has a flower girl and I’m the cutest kid here who can walk.” Thomas barked out a laugh at that and Lucy shook her head, but there was an amused expression on her face. 

“Of course you can Sophie,” Lindsay said. 

“So what date are you thinking?” Buck asked. “Spring wedding? Maybe summer?”

“Sooner, actually,” Lindsay said with a smile. “I’ve always thought Christmas was the most romantic time of year.”

“It’s true,” Thomas said. “Our first kiss was under a mistletoe.” Lindsay smiled and leaned towards him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Buck covered Sophie’s eyes as the little girl made a face. Lindsay giggled at that. 

“So, you want to get married in a month?” Lucy asked and Lindsay nodded. 

“I know it’s fast,” Lindsay said. “I mean obviously we need a dress, rings, an officiant, and a place to get married.”

“If you think you’re getting married anywhere but here, you two are crazy.” Lindsay tilted her head. “Oh come on. You’re not paying for a venue and food when you have this place.”

“It’s a month away, Lucy.”

“And I’m a very organized person,” Lucy said. “And I want to do this. For both of you.” Lindsay reached her hand across the table, grasping Lucy’s. 

“I was really hoping you’d say that,” Thomas said and everyone chuckled. “We do still need an officiant.”

“One of us could get ordained,” Max pointed. 

“Yeah you can do that online,” Buck said. “It’s super quick.” 

“I can do it,” Max said. Thomas tilted his head. “Hey, I’d be happy to do it.”

“I’d hug you if I wasn’t holding my daughter.” Max chuckled and Thomas patted his shoulder.

“So then it’s set,” Buck said with a smile. “You two are having a Christmas wedding.” Thomas let out a whoop and everyone at the table laughed. As they dove back into conversation, Buck just smiled. 

Maybe it wasn’t home, but it was certainly a place where he felt good. And he wouldn’t trade that for anything. 

* * *

Bobby sighed a little as he stood at the edge of the kitchen, observing everyone. It had been Athena’s idea to have the team and their families over for Thanksgiving, since they all had to work the next day. And as much as Bobby had been feeling down about Thanksgiving, he was glad they had done it. 

Everyone was scattered around the house. May was sitting on the couch, fighting back both an eye roll and a smile, as Denny, Harry, and Christopher played video games. Eddie and Karen were standing by the stairs, chatting as they kept an eye on the kids. Maddie and Chimney were talking to Michael, who was talking about a project he was working on. And Athena and Hen were sitting at the table, talking over half-filled glasses of wine. Athena must’ve noticed Bobby observing everyone, because she whispered something to Hen before getting up and crossing to him. 

“And why are you hiding over here?” Athena asked, wrapping her arms around Bobby’s middle. Bobby just pulled her in closer, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Everything okay?”

“Just observing.”

“Dinner was wonderful,” Athena said. “And I think it was appreciated that we all got to be together today.”

“Not all of us.” Athena sighed. “He should be here Athena.”

“And maybe someday he will be.” Bobby sighed. “Now, stop pouting and come join us.” Bobby nodded and Athena headed back to the others. Bobby sighed again and was about to follow his wife’s orders when he felt his phone buzzing. His eyes widened staring at the name. He quickly stepped outside and answered the call. 

“Buck?”

“ _ Hey Bobby. _ ” Bobby didn’t know what to say. He had honestly never expected Buck to speak to him, let alone call him first. “ _ I’m not interrupting your dinner, am I?” _

“N-no, we uh finished a little while ago,” Bobby said. “Taking a break before dessert.” There was silence. “Buck, I’m sorry.”

“ _ Bobby you don’t have to…” _

“I want to,” Bobby said. “It’s the least of what I owe you, kid. I’m so sorry I punished you for the lawsuit. I should’ve never done that. I should’ve let you do your job.”

“ _ Why didn’t you _ ?” Bobby closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You got hurt because of me.” He heard Buck go to speak, but he kept going. “Freddie bombed that truck to hurt me. It...It never should’ve been you that got hurt. But you did. Because of me. I had already hurt enough people and I couldn’t bear adding you to that list. I thought pushing you towards light duty would make it easier, but you’re a fighter and I was wrong. You were always ready to come back to work. It was me that wasn’t ready.”

“ _ Why didn’t you just tell me that _ ?”

“I’ve never been good at asking for help.” He heard Buck suck in a breath, presumably remembering Bobby’s breakdown after throwing his sobriety out the window. “I was terrible to you and let others follow my lead. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I am so sorry Buck.”

“ _ I just wish you had told me that _ .” Bobby just nodded. “ _ But I’m not angry anymore Bobby. I never really was. I was just hurt because the 118...being a firefighter, that was everything to me. It was all I had. _ ”

“You’re so much more than just a firefighter, Buck.”

“ _ I’m starting to realize that _ ,” Buck said. “ _ I guess I just needed to leave to learn that _ .”

“There will always be a place at the 118 for you, if you ever wanted to come back.” He meant that. He would always feel guilty for driving Buck away, but the least he could do was make sure Buck knew he could come home. 

“ _ I appreciate that Bobby. But I think I’m okay here _ .” Bobby just nodded. He could respect Buck’s decision. It didn’t assuage his pain, but this wasn’t really about him. “ _ I should let you get back _ .”

“Thanks for calling Buck. Happy Thanksgiving.”

_ “You too Bobby _ .” Bobby sighed as he ended the call. He stared at his phone for a second. It was good to hear from Buck. Of course, Buck hadn’t actually said if he forgave Bobby, but Bobby figured that Buck had already forgiven him the minute he called. 

“I thought I told you to join us.” He turned around and faced Athena, who had her hands on her hips. Then she noticed the look on his face. “Everything okay?”

“Buck just called me.” Athena nodded, smiling a little. “Everything’s really going to be okay, isn’t it?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you that for weeks.” Bobby smiled a little. 

“I guess I should listen to you more.” Athena hummed in agreement and Bobby leaned down, gently kissing her. “I think it’s time for dessert.”

“Well lead the way.” Bobby just nodded, heading into the house, and feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

* * *

Eddie sighed as he sat down on his bed. Christopher had somehow managed to talk Eddie into allowing him to have two slices of pie and ice cream. So, after chasing him, Denny, and Harry around the yard of Athena and Bobby’s house (with Chimney’s help), Christopher could barely keep his eyes open by the time Eddie was getting him into the car to go home. As much as a sugar crash meant Christopher was going to sleep well, it still meant that Eddie had to get a sleepy nine-year old into his pajamas and then into bed. 

Of course, now that Christopher was out like a light, Eddie had a moment to really think. The evening had been great. Everyone had clearly had a good time from the laughs and smiles. But Eddie also knew the absence of Buck was sorely missed. Nobody said it, but Eddie could see it on all of their faces.

Eddie wanted to be selfish. He wanted to call Buck and demand that he come home. Couldn’t he see how much his family missed him? Hadn’t they apologized enough? But Buck had said this wasn’t about apologies anymore. This was about so much more and that was clear. So Eddie couldn’t be selfish. If Buck was going to come home, it was going to have to be on his own terms. 

Eddie let his head hit the pillow, a sad sigh escaping his lips. He let his eyes close, a familiar barrage of images coming to mind. He wasn’t sure if Buck had been serious a few weeks ago when he had mentioned that he was having trouble sleeping thinking about their kiss. Eddie, however, most definitely couldn’t get it out of his mind. 

Yes, the kiss had been impulsive and stupid at the moment, but damn if it didn’t feel good. Eddie swore he could still feel Buck’s lips against his. If he thought hard enough, he could feel Buck’s hands branded against his back. He didn’t know if he’d ever get to experience those feelings again, so he was trying to hang onto them as long as he could. 

He was broken out of his dreaming by his phone ringing. His face flushed a little seeing Buck’s name. 

“Hey,” Eddie said, lying back against the pillow.

“ _ Hey yourself _ .  _ Didn’t know if you’d still be awake _ .”

“Barely,” Eddie huffed out. “I had to wrangle a very tired kid into bed after a serious sugar crash.” Buck chuckled. “But uh, what’s up? Not that I mind the call, but it is kind of late.” 

“ _ I, uh, called Bobby tonight _ .” 

“Really?” Eddie asked. “I didn’t think you were ready for that.”

“ _ It felt like the right time _ .” Eddie just nodded and he heard Buck sigh. “ _ It was good for me to hear why, to know why everything happened the way it did. Bobby’s not a bad guy, he just...he cares about his team. Almost too much at times.” _

“It’s not always a bad thing.”

“ _ I know _ .” Eddie bit his lip, not sure what to add.  _ “You know he told me there would always be a place for me at the 118.” _

“We could never replace you Buck,” Eddie said. “Not at the station. Not anywhere. You're one of a kind.” Buck laughed lightly at that and Eddie smiled.

“ _ I’m surprised that after wrangling an exhausted kid, you wouldn’t have just passed out _ .” Eddie noted the change in conversation and just went with it. 

“Yeah well, I’ve got things on my mind.” Buck hummed at that. 

“ _ What kind of things? _ ” Eddie felt his cheeks heat up and he heard Buck chuckle darkly. “ _ Oh I see. Can’t say I haven’t had it on my mind either. Never really left my mind _ .”

“I thought you said you were teasing,” Eddie said, thinking back to their conversation a few weeks ago. 

“ _ Teasing doesn’t mean I can’t think about it _ .” Eddie blushed again. “ _ I mean, someone happens to be quite a good kisser.” _ Eddie slung his arm over his eyes, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “ _ I mean I’ve been kissed a lot, but never like that _ .”

“Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

“ _ Is it working _ ?” Eddie just growled and he heard Buck suck in a breath. “ _ Damn it is.” _

“You’re evil, you know that? Teasing me and flirting with me when I can’t do a damn thing.” Buck just laughed and Eddie sighed. “I miss you, Buck. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I do.”

“ _ I...I should go. And you should get some rest _ .” Eddie sighed. “ _ And Eddie. I miss you too.” _ And then the call ended. Eddie put the phone down, a soft smile on his face. 

After hearing that, he’d happily let those images invade his mind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just dinner,” Maddie said, ignoring the teasing in her brother’s voice. “Anyways, I’m glad you called. I actually wanted to talk to you about Christmas.”
> 
> “What about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so sweet that it makes me want to update this story every day. So here's a new chapter!

“Food’s here, Maddie.”

“Do you think we get take-out too often?” Chimney chuckled as he set the bags on the kitchen counter. 

“Neither of us are really experts in the kitchen,” Chimney said. “I mean, Bobby certainly tried with me and realized I was just kind of a lost cause. Besides, I like supporting local business.” Maddie giggled and smiled. “Do you want me to make you hot mustard?”

“You’re an angel and I adore you.” Chimney chuckled and grabbed what he needed from the fridge as Maddie emptied the bags. She paused when her phone started buzzing. 

“Buck?”

“Yep.” She answered the call, putting her phone on speaker. “Hey little brother. You’re on speaker by the way, I’m at Chimney’s.”

“Hey Buckaroo,” Chimney called from the other side of the kitchen. She heard Buck chuckle.

“ _ Hey guys. Having another buffriday?”  _

“Just dinner,” Maddie said, ignoring the teasing in her brother’s voice. “Anyways, I’m glad you called. I actually wanted to talk to you about Christmas.”

“ _ What about it _ ?”

“We talked about the possibility of doing something for Christmas,” Maddie said. “Remember?” She heard Buck clear his throat. “Buck?”

“ _ I, uh, kind of forgot _ .” Maddie frowned. “ _ Things have been busy here. Thomas and Lindsay are getting married and Lucy volunteered Haven Acres as the venue, so I’ve been helping with all of that _ .”

“Oh that sounds nice.” 

“ _ They’re uh, getting married on Christmas Day _ .” Maddie noticed Chimney watching her, waiting for her response. Maddie just cleared her voice, trying to keep it even.

“Are you saying I can’t see you for Christmas?” Her voice wobbled a little. She needed to see her brother this year for Christmas. Last year, she had been so afraid to celebrate and she had been awful to him. She wanted to celebrate it this year and she wanted to make it up to him for snapping at him for decorating her apartment. She owed him that much. 

“ _ It’s just going to be really busy _ ,” Buck said with a sigh. “ _ Can I get back to you on that? _ ”

“Yeah.” Her voice was soft. “Just um, let me know soon okay?”

“ _ I will. Love you Mads _ .” Maddie ended the call, trying not to cry. She felt Chimney wrap her arms around her, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. 

“I just want to spend Christmas with my brother,” She whispered. “After last year...I need this.”

“I know.” Maddie just sniffed, a few tears sliding down her face. “We’ll figure this out, okay? We’re going to have a damn good Christmas.” Maddie just nodded, turning so she could hug him fully. 

“I just want everything back to the way it was,” Maddie said sadly. “Is that so much to ask?” And because Chimney agreed with the sentiment, there was nothing else to do but just hug Maddie and do his best to comfort her.

* * *

“Why the long face?” Buck looked up from the picnic table where he was sitting to see Lucy. 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Buck said with a huff. Lucy gave him a look before sitting down opposite of him. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s clearly not,” Lucy said. “Or else Max wouldn’t have told me that you were sitting here like someone kicked your puppy.”

“Max is such a gossip.”

“Part of his charm.” Buck rolled his eyes. “Now, what’s wrong?”

“My sister’s upset with me.” Lucy raised an eyebrow. “We had talked about maybe spending Christmas together and she’s upset that I might not be able to.”

“Do you want to spend Christmas with her?” Buck sighed. 

“Look my sister’s had a rough couple of years,” Buck said. “And last year, she was so petrified to celebrate Christmas that we didn’t do anything. And before that, I hadn’t seen her for three years. So, I know she just wants to have a normal Christmas.”

“So what’s the harm in seeing her?” Lucy asked. “If she’s willing to drive here, then what’s the problem?”

“If Maddie comes, then she’ll want Chimney to come since they’re dating.” Lucy just nodded. “And then Chimney will probably tell the others and then everyone will want to come. I’m just starting to get back to a good place with everyone and I don’t want them to think I’m pushing them away again. I just want them to understand that this place is important to me too.” Lucy nodded, a pensive look on her face. Buck just sighed, his shoulders slumping a little. 

“Invite all of them.”

“What?” He couldn’t help but look at Lucy like she had two heads. Lucy was, after all, the person who had basically hated Eddie on sight and had only slightly warmed up to him after what he had said at the bonfire that night.

“You want to prove to them that this is a place that means something to you? Then the only way to do that is to have them see it for themselves.” Buck was still very confused. “I’ll even be nice to Eddie to sweeten the deal.”

“Well first, doubtful.” Lucy rolled her eyes and Buck smiled a little. “And second, why?”

“You’re part of this place now,” Lucy said. “And you said it yourself, you’re here not because of them but because you need to find yourself. Maybe it’s time you show these people that called themselves your family just what you mean by that.” Buck pursed his lips, pondering what Lucy said.

“You’ll really be nice to Eddie?”

“Well I have to be,” Lucy said. “Sophie thinks Christopher is cute.” Buck barked out a laugh at that. “And Eddie’s important to you. They all are. So invite them.”

“You’re really sure?”

“Look people tend to bail out of here during Christmas,” Lucy said. “Either they can’t deal with it being the first major holiday away from whoever they left or they try to go back to wherever they ran from and make it work. Either way, they all usually come back after New Year’s.”

“So I’d be doing you a favor.”

“We’d be doing each other a favor,” Lucy said. She stood up. “Invite them. It’ll all be fine. I promise.” She then walked off. Buck watched her, still somewhat confused. Sometimes, he didn’t understand Lucy. And other times, he felt like he understood her too much. He knew what she was trying to do. It was clear that Lucy hoped that if everyone from the 118 saw how happy he was, that maybe they’d stop wanting him to come home.

But he also missed them. So, he picked up his phone and called Maddie.

* * *

“Can you run that by us again?” Most of the team was sitting in a booth at a bar after their shift. Eddie hadn’t been able to go because he needed to get home to Christopher. Maddie and Athena had joined Bobby, Hen, and Chimney at the bar after each of their respective shifts. And with Maddie had come some surprising news. 

“Buck invited all of us to Haven Acres for Christmas Day,” Maddie said. “I’m planning on going up the day before for Christmas Eve.”

“We are,” Chimney corrected, taking her hand. Maddie smiled a little at him before continuing. 

“But he invited all of us to come up,” Maddie said. “He said he wants us all to see it. To really understand the place. And there’s going to be a wedding, so that should be fun.”

“I don’t get it,” Hen said. “Why would we want us to come there?”

“So we can see he’s happy,” Athena said. A stunned silence fell upon the booth. Hen slumped in her seat and Bobby sighed. Chimney just ran his thumb across Maddie’s knuckles as she bit her lip. 

“It’s the least we can do,” Maddie said, gently. If Buck wanted them to see this new place, it meant his chances of coming home were growing smaller and smaller. But he was also family. It was their job to support him.

“Well I’d have to talk to Karen,” Hen said. “But her parents are going on a cruise for the holiday, so it might be nice to get away for a day or two.” Maddie glanced at Bobby, waiting for his answer. 

“May and Harry are spending Christmas Day with Michael,” Athena said, her hand over Bobby’s. Bobby sighed and glanced at the others. 

“Sounds like a great idea.”

“Really?” Chimney asked. And Bobby just nodded. Because Maddie was right; this was the least they could do for Buck. 

* * *

Eddie sighed as he exited Christopher’s room. The rest of the team had gone for drinks and while Eddie was sure he could’ve asked Carla to stick around for an extra hour, he didn’t really want to go to a bar. Sometimes, it was too difficult to spend time with the team outside of work. He yearned for the days when it was easy, when Buck was there, running the conversation with some ridiculous fact he had learned that day.

But now it was just phone calls and wistful thinking. 

He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket as he pulled the door only partially shut. He moved towards his room as he saw Buck’s name on the screen. He sighed, pushing past that painful missing, so he could be the supportive friend. 

“Hey Buck.”

_ “Hey, this isn’t a bad time, is it? _ ”

“No, I just finished putting Christopher to bed.” He sat down on the bed with a soft grunt. “Why, what’s up?”

“ _ Well I was texting Maddie and she said you weren’t with everyone when she passed along my message. _ ” Eddie furrowed his brow, wondering what Buck was talking about. “ _ So I thought I’d call you. _ ”

“What message?”

“ _ I was hoping you guys would want to come to Haven Acres for Christmas Day _ .” Eddie bit his lip. It sounded like a great idea, mostly because it meant seeing Buck. But it also sounded like a bad idea. 

“I thought Lucy didn’t like me.”

“ _ It was her suggestion _ .” Eddie frowned at that. “ _ Besides, Maddie wanted to do something for Christmas and that means Chimney as well. And you know, everyone on the team's so close so it makes sense to invite you all. _ ”

“I guess that makes sense,” Eddie said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“ _ Unless you already have Christmas plans? _ ” He heard a hesitancy in Buck’s voice. “ _ Are you and Christopher going back to Texas?” _ Eddie snorted at that. 

“Yeah, no.” He didn’t need to go back to Texas just to have his parents try and convince him to move back. LA was his home now, even if Buck was hundreds of miles away. 

“ _So, what do you think?_ _Thomas and Lindsay are getting married on Christmas Day, so it’s going to be a whole big party. Lucy’s got all these crazy ideas and Max got ordained online._ ” Eddie tried not to sigh hearing Buck talk about his new friends at Haven Acres. He knew Buck was happy, he could hear it every time they talked. He wasn’t going to ruin that happiness just because he was jealous. 

“Sounds like a good way to spend my holiday,” Eddie said. “And Christopher will be so excited to see you.” 

“ _ Yeah, I miss the little guy _ .” Eddie smiled at that. “ _ I should go. But I’ll see you soon.” _

“Yeah,” Eddie said, his voice soft. “You will. Night Buck.”

“ _Night Eddie_.” Eddie ended the call and sighed. Christmas wasn’t too far away. He wouldn’t have to wait that long until he saw Buck.

That alone put a smile on his face that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, did Christopher mention going to the Grove to you?”
> 
> “No.” Eddie pursed his lips. “Why?”
> 
> “Normally he’s all over the idea of going to see Santa,” Eddie said. “Last year he asked me every day for a week. Now, he hasn’t even mentioned it.”

“Sorry I’m later than usual,” Eddie said as he walked into the house. Carla was standing by the counter, putting food on a plate. 

“Were you dealing with that car crash on I-10?” Carla asked, passing him the plate. “That obnoxious redhead was going on and on about it on the news.”

“Taylor Kelly’s not that obnoxious.” Eddie sat down at the small table in the kitchen. Carla gave him a look. “What?”

“Not even a year ago you were going on and on about how that woman was the devil.”

“She wanted to embarrass Bobby and was using Buck.” Carla nodded, a smirk on her face. “Okay fine, she’s kind of the worst.” Carla chuckled. “Hey, did Christopher mention going to the Grove to you?”

“No.” Eddie pursed his lips. “Why?”

“Normally he’s all over the idea of going to see Santa,” Eddie said. “Last year he asked me every day for a week. Now, he hasn’t even mentioned it.”

“Maybe he thinks he’s too old for that.”

“God, I hope not.” Carla chuckled. “I’d like my kid to be a little kid for as long as possible.”

“All kids have to grow up, Eddie.” Eddie groaned at that and Carla smiled. “Well now that you’re here, I should get going. Bye Christopher!”

“See you tomorrow Carla.” She nodded before heading out. As soon as the door closed, he got up, heading towards the living room. Christopher was on the couch, watching a cartoon. He put the plate down on the table before sitting down next to his son. “Hey buddy.”

“Hi daddy.” Christopher scooted closer to Eddie. 

“How was school?” 

“It was good. We started a new project in science and Brady gave me half his cookie at lunch.” Eddie chuckled and kissed the side of Christopher's head. 

“And you finished your homework?” Christopher nodded and Eddie smiled. They fell into companionable silence as Christopher watched the cartoon on TV. Eddie just watched his son. He had been a lot happier lately, more of that infectious smile that Eddie loved so much. But he was still confused. Why didn’t Christopher want to go see Santa? Every year, he was just itching to go. Why was this year different? 

“Hey Christopher?” Christopher looked up at Eddie. “You know Christmas is coming up quick, right?” Christopher nodded. “So, if you need to tell Santa what you want, we have to go see him soon.”

“I don’t need to this year.” Eddie frowned at that. “I’m already getting what I want for Christmas.”

“And what’s that?”

“I get to see Buck. That’s all I really wanted for Christmas.” Eddie pulled his son into a hug, kissing the top of his head. 

“Me too.” Christopher looked up at him and smiled. “You’re pretty great, you know that?” Christopher shrugged and Eddie chuckled before pressing another kiss to his head. Christopher leaned his head against Eddie’s side and Eddie smiled. As they both turned their attention back to the TV, Eddie couldn’t help but thank god for giving him such a perfect kid.

* * *

“They’ve been gone for hours.” Buck was standing by the front desk where Max was sitting. Thomas was walking around the foyer, bouncing Evie in his arms. 

“You and Lindsay are attached at the hip,” Max pointed out. “You’re fine if you don’t see her for a few hours.”

“Excuse me if I miss my future wife,” Thomas said, glancing out the window.

“Straight people,” Max muttered and Buck laughed. Thomas glanced back at them and Max just smirked. 

“I don’t even get why this takes so long,” Thomas said, walking back over to the desk. “It’s just a dress.” Buck rolled his eyes. 

“Maybe go eat something,” Buck suggested. “I’ll hold Evie and everything while you do.” Thomas huffed but nodded as he handed Buck the baby. Buck smiled at Evie as he cradled her in his arms. 

“You’re good with her,” Thomas said and Buck glanced back up at him. 

“You’re good with all kids,” Max added. Buck shrugged as he rocked Evie in his arms. 

“I was always told that I was good with kids because I acted like a kid.”

“Whoever said that is a jerk,” Max pointed out. “I know I’m younger than you, but I would argue that you’re more mature than most people your age.” Buck nodded a little. “Did people really tell you that?”

“Not in so many words,” Buck said with a shrug. “They just sort of implied it.” His friends had always joked that he had the energy of a dog, with Hen actually saying that Buck being at the station was more difficult than just having a dog. He knew she was kidding, but he realized that maybe his friends hadn’t seen him as the most mature person. But Chimney had told him he had matured. So maybe they had realized they were wrong? Buck didn’t know for sure. He hadn’t seen himself as immature since before he met Abby.

“Earth to Buck,” Max said, waving his hand in front of Buck’s face. “Where’d you go?”

“Just thinking.” Thomas nodded as Max studied him. “I guess, I was just realizing something.”

“This place is great for that,” Thomas joked and Buck chuckled. Thomas glanced out the window again and smiled. “They’re back.”

“Oh good, you’ll stop whining,” Max joked and Thomas sent a glare towards him. The glare melted away when Lindsay walked in, followed by Lucy who was holding a very sleepy Sophie. 

“Well hi boys,” Lindsay said. “Where’s my baby?” Buck walked over to her and passed her Evie, who Lindsay cooed at. 

“What about me?” Thomas asked, a tone of disappointment and offense in his voice. 

“And there’s my other baby.” Everyone except Thomas chuckled at that. Thomas frowned and Lindsay just kissed him quickly. 

“So you ladies find your dresses?” Buck asked as Lucy shifted Sophie in his arms. Buck gave her a look and then she passed him Sophie, letting out a small sigh. The little girl barely glanced at Buck before resting her head on his shoulder.

“We did,” Lucy said. “And a little something for Evie too. And we stopped by the station to see Ray. I owed him some pie.”

“And tomorrow, you boys need to get your suits,” Lindsay said.

“And do a pharmacy run,” Lucy said. “Bathroom’s running low on toothpaste and deodorant.”

“Well until then,” Thomas started. “Anyone up for a bonfire?”

“You really like those bonfires, huh?” Buck asked, with an amused grin. Thomas just shrugged, but there was a smile on his face. “And I’m down.” Thomas nodded and headed out towards the back. 

“He does love fires,” Lindsay said, pressing a kiss to Evie’s head. “You know that stereotype about Southerners and setting stuff on fire?”

“Not true?”

“Oh absolutely true with him,” Lindsay said. “Thomas is kind of a dumbass. But he’s my dumbass.” Buck chuckled as Lindsay headed out of the foyer.

“Need me to keep running the desk, Lucy?” Max asked. 

“No, you ran it all day,” Lucy said. “Go make sure Thomas doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Yes ma’am.” He left the room, leaving Buck, who was still holding an almost fast-asleep Sophie, and Lucy.

“I guess that explains why Thomas is so interested in the wildfires,” Buck said.

“Does all the stuff about the wildfires scratch that firefighting itch of yours?” Lucy asked, studying him carefully. Buck shrugged, trying not to jostle Sophie. The wildfires had been on his mind. How could they not be? Anytime someone from LA called, they asked about it.

“I thought I became a firefighter because running into burning buildings looked badass.”

“Buck said a bad word, mommy,” Sophie mumbled sleepily from Buck’s shoulder. Buck just chuckled and Lucy took Sophie back from him, sending him a scolding but playful look. 

“But I realized what I loved about it was getting to help people. And I get to do that here. So that itch doesn't need to be scratched.” Lucy just nodded. “I can watch the desk while you put her down.” 

“Thanks.” She patted his arm before heading up the stairs. Buck sat down with a soft sigh. Being at Haven Acres meant he was discovering who he really was. He had lost himself behind the idea of Firefighter Buckley or the firefighter who had been pinned under a ladder truck. At Haven Acres, he was just Buck; a guy who helped out when needed and always felt appreciated. 

He wouldn’t give that up for anything.

* * *

Buck sat at the bonfire pit, staring at the dying fire. Everyone else had gone off to bed some time ago. Buck, as always, agreed to watch until all the embers were gone. He had been playing with his phone, moving it back and forth in his hands, for the last few minutes. 

He called Eddie every night, without fail. It had been so easy for it to become a routine. It was easy to remember why they got along and even easier for Buck to remember why he fell in love with Eddie. But he also remembered the sheer heartbreak that ran through him when Eddie yelled at him in the grocery store. Or how easily he had ignored him at work when Buck had finally been allowed back. 

If he was being honest, he was scared to admit how much he still loved Eddie. Because he knew there was still a good chance he could get hurt. While it was clear from that mind-blowing kiss weeks ago that Eddie did feel something towards Buck, he had never actually expressed what those feelings were. And Buck wasn’t too surprised. Eddie was terrible at expressing himself, especially when it came to his feelings. And before, Buck hadn’t cared. Being around Eddie had been enough. But now, now he needed to know. He couldn’t slip back into old habits. 

He was brought out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing. He saw Eddie’s name flash across the screen. He sighed a little before answering the phone.

“Hey Eddie.”

“ _ I figured I could give a shot at calling you tonight _ .” Buck smiled a little, sitting back in the chair. “ _ I’m not interrupting, am I? _ ”

“No, I’m just watching the bonfire go out,” Buck said. “How are you?”

“ _ I’m good. It was a standard day at work and then I watched some TV with Chris. Oh, I also found out that Carla thinks Taylor Kelly is obnoxious. _ ”

“Yeah she’s told me,” Buck said with a smirk. “She’s not shy about her opinions. She dislikes Ali on principle as well.” Eddie chuckled a little. “Speaking of Christopher, have you brought him to see Santa yet?”

“ _ He, uh, didn’t want to go this year _ .”

“Really?” Buck asked, an eyebrow raising. “But he was so stoked about it last year.” Buck tried not to blush remembering that elf who had thought Buck and Eddie were a couple and Christopher was their kid. How wrong had she been, both then and now.

“ _ He said that he’s already getting what he wants for Christmas _ .” He heard Eddie clear his throat, a hesitancy in his voice. 

“And what’s that?”

“ _ Seeing you _ .” Buck sucked in a breath. He felt his eyes tear up a little. All Christopher wanted for Christmas was to see him?

“God I love that kid.”

“ _ He loves you too _ .” He heard a pause on Eddie’s end. Was Eddie going to tell Buck he loved him as well? But then Eddie sighed. “ _ I should get going. Night Buck _ .

“Night Eddie.” He ended the call and let his forehead rest against the top of the phone. He could be friends with Eddie. But if Eddie wasn’t going to say those words, then Buck wasn’t going to push for anything more.

He had picked up the broken pieces of his life, he wasn’t going to let anything shatter it again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nervous?”
> 
> "No.” Lucy gave him a look and Buck sighed. “Fine, a little.” It was Christmas Eve. Maddie and Chimney were arriving that day and the rest of the team the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I actually develop a posting schedule instead of just posting a new chapter every day? Maybe. Do I plan to post every day because I love this story and everyone's comments? Yes. :D
> 
> Enjoy!

“Okay, put your finger there.” Buck was staring at the door when Lucy poked his arm. “Finger, please.”

“Right, sorry.” Lucy was finishing wrapping a present at the desk, while Sophie was in the backyard with Lindsay and Evie. Lucy tied a bow and then Buck moved his finger. 

“Thanks.” Buck just nodded. “Nervous?”

“No.” Lucy gave him a look and Buck sighed. “Fine, a little.” It was Christmas Eve. Maddie and Chimney were arriving that day and the rest of the team the next day. “It’s just...Maddie always knows how to get me to listen to her. Even though I’ve told her how important this place is to me, I don’t trust that she’s not going to try and convince me to go back to LA.”

“So just don’t give her the chance,” Lucy said. Buck sighed. If it was only that easy. “It’ll be fine, Buck. Now can you cover the desk while I hide this with the rest of the presents?”

“Sure.” Lucy headed upstairs quickly as Buck stood at the counter. As much as he was looking forward to seeing everyone, he was nervous. The phone calls had been easy. He could be in touch with everyone without getting dragged back into who he used to be. He wasn’t trying to be the Buck that didn’t know what he was worth. He was finally understanding who he was and what he needed.

He couldn’t throw that away now. 

“Buckaroo!” He looked up as the door opened. Chimney was standing there, a smile on his face. Maddie walked in behind him, a nervous look on her face. Buck let out a breath as he saw his sister. 

“Hey little brother.” Buck just stood there, because he didn’t know what to do and because he wasn’t supposed to leave the desk. 

“Welcome to Haven Acres.” He looked up, seeing Lucy at the top of the stairs. “Buck, you don’t have to cover the desk anymore.” Buck just nodded and moved away from the desk. He stared at Maddie for a second. 

Then he crossed to her and pulled her into a hug.

“Hey Mads,” He said quietly, hugging her tightly. He felt Maddie tighten her hold as she hugged him back. He pulled away and she smiled a little tearfully at him. 

“It’s so good to see you.” He smiled at that. She glanced at Chimney and chuckled a little. She stepped aside and Chimney pulled Buck into a one-armed hug. 

“This place was definitely off the beaten path,” Chimney said as he pulled away. 

“Just how we like it,” Lucy said, from the desk. 

“You must be Lucy,” Maddie said, trying to subtly wipe some tears away.

“That’s me.” She tossed Buck a set of keys. “Room 18.” Buck nodded “And when you see Sophie, tell her she can come inside now.” Buck chuckled and led Chimney and Maddie through the house.

“This place is pretty cool,” Chimney said. Buck just nodded, glancing at Maddie. He was so nervous. How long would she wait before she started in on him coming back to LA. 

“Buck!” Sophie ran up to him as soon as she stepped outside. 

“Hey small fry,” Buck said, picking her up and swinging her around, earning a giggle from the young girl. “Your mom wants you to head to the front desk.”

“Okay.” He put her down and she raced off. He noticed Maddie watching him carefully. “That’s Sophie.” Maddie just nodded. Chimney sighed and took the key from Buck. 

“I think you two need to talk,” Chimney said. “I’m going to put our stuff down. Find me when this is less awkward.” Buck huffed a little and looked at his sister. 

“Let’s sit down,” Maddie said. They sat down at the nearest picnic table. Buck watched her, waiting for her to say something, feeling his heart beating a little faster than it should. “Buck, are you okay?”

“I don’t want to leave here Maddie.” Maddie frowned and placed her hand over his. “I like it here. I’m happy here. I don’t want to go back to Los Angeles.”

“Evan,” Maddie said, an urgency in her voice. “I didn’t come here to make you go home.” Buck exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I know this place is important to you. That’s why I’m here. I want to see it because you’re important to me.” Buck sighed. He had been so scared that Maddie was going to talk him into going home. But she was there to see the place and see how it made him happy. And knowing that allowed relief to spread through him. He reached out and hugged Maddie. 

“I’m so glad to see you.” She chuckled and hugged him back. 

“I’m glad to see you too.” She pulled away and smiled at him. And with that smile, Buck felt like everything was okay. He felt like a kid again, knowing that the comfort of his sister was all he needed to make it through. “This place looks pretty interesting. And that little girl is adorable.”

“Yeah Sophie is pretty cute.” Maddie just nodded, a sweet smile on her face. “You know, she didn’t like the nickname of small fry at first. But she warmed up to it.” Now that he felt way more relieved and comfortable with Maddie being there, he could focus on showing her why Haven Acres was so wonderful. He stood up and brushed off his jeans. “Why don’t I give you a tour?”

“Should we get Chim?”

“Nah,” Buck said with a smirk. “I think the Buckley siblings need some time with just each other.” Maddie nodded and stood up. 

“Lead on little brother.” Buck smiled and began showing Maddie around, feeling way more relieved than he had when she had walked in the front door.

* * *

Eddie stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Christopher. He was playing a game with Pepa, who was smiling affectionately at him. Since he and Christopher were going to Haven Acres the next day, Abuela and Pepa had agreed to come over for Christmas Eve. 

“Edmundo, ven aqui.” He turned and walked into the kitchen. His Abuela had taken over the whole kitchen, preparing dinner for the four of them. He was sure she was going above and beyond, but he was also sure she was planning on packing most of it away as leftovers, since Eddie was a bit of a nightmare in the kitchen. 

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to help.” Isabel tsked and pointed to the stove. 

“It’s heavy, you grab it.” Eddie rolled his eyes before grabbing the oven mitts and removing the dish from the oven. He sat it down and turned to her. 

“Anything else?” She held out a spoon. 

“Taste.” Eddie chuckled before doing as he was told. He smiled, earning a grin from his abuela. 

“Delicious as always.” She smiled and put the wooden spoon down. “But you didn’t have to make so much food.”

“Leftovers,” Isabel said. Eddie chuckled. “And maybe, you can bring some with you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I guess that might be nice,” Eddie said. Then he noticed his abuela was studying him closely. “What?”

“Edmundo, you work so hard,” She began. “Sometimes too hard. You put so many things before your happiness.” She stepped closer to him and put her hand on her cheek. “Don’t let it pass you by anymore. Be happy, nieto.” She kissed his cheek and then went into the dining room. 

Eddie watched her go, a strange mix of emotions flowing through him. She had met Buck a few times, commenting on how outgoing he was and how good he was with Christopher. But did she notice there was more there? Was Eddie obvious about his feelings? 

And of course, most importantly, how could he truly be happy when Buck wanted to be hundreds of miles away?

He didn’t want to dwell on that. Tomorrow, he was seeing Buck. He wanted it to be a good day, with no drama after his last trip. He wanted to be happy, but he also wanted Buck to be happy. It was a fine line to travel. 

But he could worry about that later. For now, he was going to try and enjoy Christmas Eve dinner with his family.

* * *

“Your daughter is adorable.” Buck was sitting around the bonfire with the usual crew, along with Maddie and Chimney. Evie was in Lindsay’s arms, the baby a little too fussy to go to sleep.

“Looks just like her mama,” Thomas said with a grin. 

“She’s marrying you tomorrow,” Max said with an eye roll. “You don’t have to flirt with her.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Lindsay said. “You flirt with me until the day I die.”

“Yes ma’am.” Thomas went to kiss Lindsay and Sophie made a noise of discontent and Buck covered her eyes. “You are a menace, Sophie.”

“That’s what my mommy says!” Sophie said, pushing Buck’s hands away. 

“At least she knows,” Chimney said and everyone chuckled.

“So I’m curious,” Max said, looking at Chimney and Maddie. “What happened first? You and Buck working together or you and Maddie dating?”

“The first one,” Chimney said with a smirk. “Buck had been at the 118 for a little more than a year when Maddie moved to LA.”

“Missed your brother?” Lucy asked, glancing at Maddie. 

“Something like that,” Maddie said, a quietness to her voice. Buck reached for her arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. Buck felt Lucy watching him and he just gave her a nod. Even though inviting everyone was Lucy’s idea, he could tell she was wary about everyone, including Maddie. He appreciated it, since even though Maddie wasn’t trying to get him to go home, he was still nervous about everyone else.

“I think the little one is finally down for the count,” Lindsay said. “And I need my beauty sleep.”

“You heard the girl,” Lucy said, glancing at Thomas. “No funny business so she can sleep.” Thomas snorted but got up as Lindsay did. “Night lovebirds. You’re both up bright and early so we can get this place wedding ready.”

“Can’t wait,” Lindsay said dreamily. Thomas smiled and then they headed towards their room. 

“I should turn in since you’ve got me on desk duty while you set this whole place up,” Max said. “And I have to make sure I know my lines.”

“You’re going to be a great wedding officiant,” Buck said and Max nodded with a smirk before walking away. 

“You know,” Maddie began, looking over at Lucy. “If you need help, we’re more than happy to help.”

“Yeah,” Chimney said. “I’m pretty strong and Maddie’s very organized.” Lucy looked at Buck who tried to subtly shrug. 

“A couple extra hands wouldn’t hurt,” Lucy said. She stood up and looked at her daughter. “Come on baby. You have to read before you go to bed.” Sophie nodded before running over to Buck and hugging him. 

“Night small fry.” Sophie then headed off the main house. Lucy patted Buck’s shoulder before heading inside. Buck sighed a little and glanced at the bonfire, wondering how long Maddie and Chimney would stay outside. He was used to sitting outside as the fire dwindled, enjoying the silence. 

He heard a few whispers from Maddie and Chimney. When he glanced over at them, Chimney was getting up. 

“I think I’m going to head back to the room. Night Buckaroo.” Buck nodded and then he was gone, leaving just Buck and Maddie. 

“Did you ask him to leave?”

“No, he asked if he should,” Maddie said. “And I said I wanted a little more one-on-one time with my little brother.” Buck smiled a little. “Are you okay?” Buck shrugged and sighed. “You’re nervous about everyone else, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Buck said. “This place is important to me. I need it to keep being important to me.”

“Buck, no one is coming tomorrow with plans of hurting you,” Maddie assured him. “They all agreed because they know you want to be happy and they want to support you.”

“I just.” Buck sighed, insecurity crawling its way up. “Maddie, I lost myself in LA. I lost myself and I’m starting to really know who I am. What if...what if I backslide?”

“You won’t.” Buck gave her a look, saying he didn’t believe her. “Look, you’ve always been so strong Buck. I know you might not believe me, but you always have been. Leaving took strength and staying here has just proven that. And the way you interact with everyone here just shows how happy and confident you are. Nothing is going to take that away.”

“Not even Eddie?” He was trying so hard to not fall in love with Eddie all over again. But it was hard when they spoke every day. It was easy and comfortable. But Eddie had also pushed him away when he needed him most.

“That’s going to be up to you.” 

“I love him Maddie,” Buck said, because admitting it was all too easy. “I love him and it would just be easy to fall back into what was comfortable before.”

“But you want him to love you too.”

“More than anything.” Maddie leaned over and squeezed his arm. “And I don’t know if he does or if he ever will.”

“He loves you Buck,” Maddie said. “He wouldn’t have driven seven hours to see you if he didn’t. But I think what you need is for him to say the words.”

“I need the guy who can’t express his emotions properly to tell me he loves me,” Buck said with a long sigh. “I might as well just give up now.”

“Maybe he’ll surprise you,” Maddie said. “But your happiness is what’s important. And you have more than enough people who will make sure that you have that.”

“Thanks Maddie.”

“What are big sisters for?” Buck smiled a little. “So, do you just stay out here until the fire goes out?”

“Yeah. It’s kind of peaceful.” He glanced at Maddie, expecting her to get up. But she just settled back in her chair, a content look on her face. And his smile grew. 

As the fire dwindled, the brother and sister sat in comfortable silence, grateful for the others’ company. 

* * *

Eddie was lying in bed, moonlight filtering in from the curtains. He needed to get some sleep, since they had a long drive the next day. And yet, he couldn’t sleep because every time he closed his eyes, he saw Buck. Why had it taken Buck leaving for Eddie to realize how head over heels he was for his best friend? And then there was that damn kiss. 

He groaned, turning his face into the pillow. He couldn’t just show up at Haven Acres so obvious with his feelings. He wanted to respect Buck’s needs and be a good friend. But he was also worried that the minute he saw Buck, he was going to want to kiss him senseless. 

Knowing sleep wasn’t coming, he reached for his phone. He unlocked it, staring at their text messages. Buck’s last message was of course about a gift for Christopher. Eddie’s fingers were typing out a text before he even knew what he was doing. His finger hovered over the send button. It was just an innocent text about leftovers. Buck probably wouldn’t even answer it. So he pressed send. 

He certainly didn’t expect his phone to start ringing a minute later. 

“ _ What kind of leftovers are we talking about _ ?” Buck asked as soon as Eddie answered. “ _ Because I had those chilaquiles your Abuela made once and I thought I died and went to heaven _ .” Eddie chuckled. 

“Some tamales, rice and beans, and her famous tres leches cake.”

“ _ Sounds delicious _ .”

“Well she made enough to feed an army,” Eddie said. “So I’m happy to bring it.” He could almost imagine Buck’s blinding smile on the other line. “How’s your visit with Maddie been?”

“ _ It’s been really good. It’s been good to see her and catch up _ .” Eddie sighed to himself. “ _ Tomorrow’s going to be good, I think. _ ”

“It will be,” Eddie assured him. “I promise.” It was what they owed Buck after months of letting him down. Tomorrow would be a good day. It just had to be. “I should let you get some rest. I’m sure you have a lot to do tomorrow, even before we get there.”

“ _ Yeah, Lucy’s got a whole schedule of how the day’s going to go _ ,” Buck said with a slight chuckle. “ _ But I’ll see you tomorrow. _ ”

“Yeah. See you then.” And as the call ended, Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to get his emotions under control. Tomorrow was about seeing how happy Buck was. He wasn’t going to spoil it. 

Even if he did want to kiss him like there was no tomorrow.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So Buckaroo,” Chimney started as they put the table down. “You’re good right? Like I know you invited us here, but you’re okay with it, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So someone told me that they loved that I updated this every day and that was enough validation for me to keep doing it!

“So Ray’s bringing a cake from the diner around three.” Buck was standing at the front desk with Lucy and Max. They had all been up since the crack of dawn, already getting started on Lucy’s list. 

“I cleared out space in the inside kitchen for it,” Buck said. “And we’ve got trays to keep the food we’re going to make warm.”

“What time is your crew showing up?” Max asked. 

“Eddie texted me a few hours ago,” Buck said. “So not for a few more hours.” 

“Good, then I can get you to do the heavy lifting,” Lucy said. “I need you to move the picnic tables to make an aisle and then make the bonfire pit a suitable place for Lindsay and Thomas to get married.”

“Alright,” Buck said. “Do you want the chairs by the pool and the pool gate closed?”

“Yes please,” Lucy said. “And if your sister and her boyfriend want to help, then they’re welcome to.” Buck nodded and then headed to the back. He was glad he had so many tasks to keep him occupied. That way, he couldn’t worry about everyone showing up. As much as Maddie had assuaged him the night before that everything would be okay, in the light of day, he wasn’t so sure. 

“Buckaroo.” He smirked when he saw Chimney, sitting with Maddie. He was a little surprised to see Lindsay and Thomas, who was holding Evie, sitting with them. “This breakfast you made is great.”

“He’s the best cook here,” Lindsay said. “He made this meatloaf the other day that was like the best thing I’ve ever eaten. And it was meatloaf."

“Well the breakfast burritos were Lucy’s idea,” Buck said. “Easier to make a bunch and leave them out for people when they’re hungry. I just do a lot of the heavy lifting. Speaking of, wanna help me move some furniture?”

“Sure,” Chimney said, getting up. Thomas passed Evie to Lindsay and then went to get up and Buck moved him back down. 

“Dude, you’re getting married today, no.” Thomas frowned.

“I can help.”

“Lucy said you and Lindsay were not allowed to help,” Buck said. “You two are just meant to relax and enjoy the day.”

“Who are we to argue with friends who want us to have a stress-free wedding day.” Lindsay stood up. “Come on Thomas. I need to change Evie’s diaper and we need to steam your sports coat.”

“There better be a place for a bonfire later,” Thomas said before Lindsay dragged him away. Buck just shook his head and turned to Chimney and Maddie. 

“They’re sweet together,” Maddie said with a smile. “Lindsay was telling me a little bit about what they went through. But mostly, she gushed about how great you were when she went into labor.”

“A living room is not even the weirdest place I’ve seen someone give birth,” Buck said with a smirk. “Help me lift this Chim.”

“I’d have to agree with you on that Buckaroo,” Chimney said as they moved one of the picnic tables. “On one of my first official calls as a paramedic, I had to help a woman give birth in a moving truck.” Buck raised an eyebrow as they put the picnic table down. “She was helping her sister move and her water broke while she was standing in the u haul. There wasn’t enough time to move her.”

“That’s crazy.” Chimney chuckled and nodded. They moved to the table where Maddie was sitting and she huffed, but with a playful smile, and then got up.

“I need to grab something from the room,” Maddie said. “Be back in a second.” Buck nodded, just focusing on the table he was carrying. 

“So Buckaroo,” Chimney started as they put the table down. “You’re good right? Like I know you invited us here, but you’re okay with it, right?” Buck sighed as they moved to the next picnic table. 

“At some moments I am,” Buck said, lifting the next table. “And then I get worried. I’ve focused so hard on figuring out who I am and I don’t want to backslide.”

“Why do you think you will?” Chimney asked as they set the table down. Buck sighed, wondering if he should tell Chimney. What if Chimney told Hen and Hen told Athena and Athena told Bobby? He didn’t want this getting around. But he also trusted Chimney. 

“I think part of the reason it got so bad at the station is because I let it,” Buck said with a sigh. “I was so focused on needing to do my job that I lost my sense of self. And I don’t want to go back to that because everyone shows up here.” 

“Look,” Chimney said. “We’re here because we all care about you and we want you to be happy. Would all of us prefer you to be happy in Los Angeles? Yeah. But things happened and this is where you’re happy. We’re not going to take that away from you.”

“Not intentionally,” Buck muttered, but Chimney heard him. 

“Not at all,” Chimney assured him. “We’re family Buck. We’re going to support you no matter what. I know we did a crap job of that for a while, but we’re doing it now.” Buck smiled a little, a sense of relief flowing through him. 

“Thanks Chim.”

“Anytime. Now let’s move these tables.” Buck chuckled and nodded, getting back to work. 

* * *

Eddie stepped out of the car, staring at Haven Acres. He glanced at Bobby’s car, before setting about getting Christopher and their bags out of the car. 

“Oh this place is cute,” Karen said, looking at the house. Hen glanced at her and smiled as Denny pressed against her side. Bobby and Athena stood nearby, surveying the house as well. Athena had barely looked at the place when she was there the last time, but she did have to agree with Karen’s sentiment. 

She could see why Buck would want to stay there. 

“Dad come on,” Christopher said, tugging on Eddie’s arm. “I want to see Buck.” 

“Lead the way mijo.” Christopher smiled and headed towards the house, Denny racing to catch up to him. 

“You okay?” Bobby asked as they walked towards the house. Eddie just shrugged. “Yeah, me too.” Eddie was nervous, mostly because everything in him wanted to kiss Buck and try to make it alright. But he couldn’t do that. He needed to be a good friend, not whatever mess he was in his head. 

He pushed the door open and walked inside. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw Christopher excitedly talking to Sophie, while Denny stood by and listened. 

“And the cavalry arrives.” He turned, seeing Lucy descend the stairs. “I’ve met two of you, heard about the rest. I’m Lucy. This is my place. Treat it with respect.” Eddie was surprised by Lucy’s demeanor. He was aware she didn’t like him, but it had been her idea to let them all visit. 

“Mommy!” Lucy glanced away from them towards Sophie. “Can we go to the yard?”

“Just for a second and then come back inside,” Lucy said. “We’re setting up for a wedding after all.” Sophie nodded. 

“Dad, can we go too?” Christopher asked. 

“Yeah, can we?” Denny asked, glancing at his moms.

“Fine with us,” Karen said, smiling at Denny. Christopher looked up at Eddie with that brilliant smile he adored so much. 

“Go ahead.” The three kids cheered before quickly heading through the house. Lucy eyed Eddie before following after them. 

“She doesn’t like you, huh?” Hen asked and Eddie sighed. Hen just chuckled at his response. 

“You’re the kid from the bus station,” Athena said, noticing Max at the desk.

“And anyone who can get the flyer out of Ray with just a stare is not someone I want to offend,” Max said. He placed some keys on the desk. “Here are your keys. Rooms are past the yard. I’m sure Eddie can show you where to go. And just stay away from the yard. Lucy will chew any of you out if you mess with her set-up for tonight.” Bobby grabbed the keys and then turned to the others. 

“Shall we?”

* * *

Buck was untangling fairy lights with Chimney and Maddie when he heard a familiar voice. 

“Buck!” He turned, spotting Sophie and Christopher at the door and a flash of Denny behind them. He got up just as Christopher came over to him. 

“Hey buddy!” He hugged the boy tightly, a huge grin crossing his face. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Inside,” Christopher said. “Sophie said I shouldn’t have to wait to see you.” Buck glanced at Sophie who was just smiling at Buck. He knew that face; she wanted something and he was almost worried what she could possibly want. But he didn’t care. Christopher was there and that alone made him smile. 

“Well I’m glad I got the first hug from you,” Buck said, ruffling Christopher’s hair. “And Denny! Did you get bigger?”

“Mama says I grew a whole inch this month!” Denny said and Buck smiled. Buck straightened up, noticing Lucy come outside. 

“Hey, do you guys want to help Maddie and Chimney with a fun project?” The kids all nodded and headed over to where Maddie and Chimney were. 

“So they’re here,” Lucy said, standing next to Buck. Buck watched the kids, trying to hold onto his sense of peace. Chimney and scooped Denny up and was showing him how to untangle the lights while Christopher watched. Sophie was standing next to Maddie, alternating between watching what Maddie was doing and staring at Christopher. “Probably will be outside in a second. Need anything?”

“My common sense back because I’m worried this was a bad idea.” Lucy just patted his arm and he glanced towards the door. 

Then, he took a calming breath and waited. 

“Buckaroo!” Hen was the first one outside, followed by Karen. Buck smiled a little as she pulled him into a hug. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.”

“You too Hen.” He let go of her just as Bobby and Athena stepped outside. He could see Eddie hovering by the door, but was a little too nervous about seeing Bobby to really deal with whatever mixed up emotions were bubbling up regarding Eddie. Hen must’ve noticed because she smiled sympathetically at him. Karen patted his arm and then they headed over to where Denny was. 

“Hey Buckaroo,” Athena said, approaching him. 

“Hey Athena. No May and Harry?”

“They spent Christmas Eve with us and are spending Christmas Day with Michael,” Athena said. “He wanted a little extra time with just the three of them.” Buck furrowed his brows, but decided not to pry. He glanced at Bobby, who was watching him patiently. 

“Bobby.”

“Buck.” There was a beat of silence before Bobby looked around a little. “This place is nice. I see why you like it so much.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s been good to me.” He smiled a little and Bobby nodded, a soft, but kind expression on his face. 

“Good to hear.” Bobby nodded and then glanced back at Eddie before guiding Athena away. Buck sighed softly as Eddie approached. He could feel his heart beating a little faster as Eddie approached.

“Hey,” Eddie said, a soft smile on his face and Buck was sure he was going to melt right then and there. 

“Hey Eds, good to see you.” They stood silently, a heated gaze between the two. 

“What’s everyone doing?” Eddie asked, nodding towards the group. 

“We need to hang these fairy lights,” Buck explained, clearing his throat a little. “But they were all tangled. So um, the kids went to help Chim.”

“Christopher was really excited to see you.” Buck smiled at that. 

“I still have to give him the gift I got him,” Buck said. “It’s a book, nothing crazy.”

“He’ll love it because it’s coming from you.” Buck stared at Eddie, wondering if he was going to do something. The look on his face said he wanted to. And a part of Buck wouldn’t have minded if Eddie kissed him the way he had weeks ago. He felt himself gravitate a step closer to Eddie, more than ready for whatever that intense gaze from Eddie meant. 

But then Lucy called for him. 

“I gotta go hang those lights,” Buck said, stepping back. Eddie just nodded, an unreadable expression on his face. “You guys should get settled.” He turned and quickly walked over to Lucy, trying to calm the thumping of his heart.

It was hard to do that when Eddie was still staring at him from across the yard.

* * *

The backyard, now completely decorated and wedding ready, was filled with people. Eddie had expected more people to be there, but Buck had explained that people tended to leave around Christmas for a variety of reasons. 

He quickly glanced around the courtyard, taking everyone in. Christopher was sitting with Denny, Sophie in the seat in front of him, turned around to talk to him. There was an open seat next to Christopher for him when he was ready to sit down. He hadn’t sat yet because he had been just a bundle of nerves all day and he was trying to keep himself in check. Karen and Hen were sitting next to Denny, smiling at Sophie’s animated conversation. 

Behind them were Athena and Bobby, Athena talking quietly to Bobby. He had seen Buck and Bobby speak briefly and he could tell from Buck’s posture that it hadn’t been the easiest thing for him to do. And yet, it had seemed way less awkward than their conversation, which had been charged with so much tension that Eddie had thought he was going to burst. He shook his head, continuing his wandering gaze. He spotted Chimney sitting across the aisle from Hen and Karen, but noticed Maddie wasn’t there. He frowned, wondering where Buck’s older sister had gone. 

“Hey.” He was a little surprised to see Maddie approaching him. They didn’t talk much before, but he had been a little bit afraid of her since Buck left, wondering if Maddie blamed him. Eddie just nodded to her, not sure what to say.

“You know, Buck’s really happy here.”

“I know. He’s told me.” Maddie nodded, pursing her lips. “Whatever you want to say Maddie, you can just say it.” She sighed. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you two,” Maddie began. “But I know my brother cares about you. But I need you to consider how important this place is to him and how it’s helping him.”

“Maddie, I know.” Maddie sighed, an almost sad look on her face. 

“Just...please consider that before you do anything.” She then walked over to where Chimney was sitting. Eddie sighed. He didn’t know what Maddie knew about what was going on between him and Buck. Hell, he didn’t know what was going on. But he did know one thing.

Buck’s happiness was important to him. As much as he wanted to drag him home or kiss him senseless, he knew there were things that came before that. So, he’d just have to push past his wants to support Buck in whatever way possible.

* * *

Eddie tried not to stare as Buck and Lucy sat in front of him, Lucy holding onto Evie. Buck looked good and Eddie wanted to tell him that. But his throat kept going dry when he wanted to speak and the smile on Buck’s face was doing things to Eddie’s heart. 

“Daddy, look.” Eddie tore his eyes away from Buck and towards the aisle. Sophie was making her way down, happily tossing flowers as she went. He felt his heart beat a little faster when Sophie reached Lucy and Buck, Lucy handing Evie to Buck and pulling Sophie into the seat next to her. He was sure he was about to drool from a lust he didn’t know he had, watching Buck quietly coo at Evie.

He was able to tear his eyes away when Lindsay made her way down the aisle towards Thomas, who was beaming widely. It made Eddie think about his own wedding day years ago. 

He thought he had loved Shannon and a part of him knew she’d always have a special place in his heart. But not because they had gotten married. They had gotten married because she was pregnant. No, Shannon held a place in his heart because she was Christopher’s mother, because she had given him the most precious thing in the world. Maybe he thought he loved her once, but it had faded and broken apart when they argued and fought. Even when they tried to find their way back to each other, it hadn’t been love. 

Maybe he didn’t know what it meant to be in love. 

But then he looked at Buck, at this man who gave his all to everyone he met. Who risked his life to save people, whether they were strangers or family. And Eddie had taken that for granted. He had hid behind a million reasons why he couldn’t be around Buck when the truth was he couldn’t imagine his life without Buck. He wanted Buck in his life.

But Buck was happy at Haven Acres. He was sitting in the front row, watching his new friends get married. Friends who listened to him and trusted him with their child and never judged him. They had done more for Buck in barely two months than Eddie had done for Buck in awhile. 

He didn’t deserve Buck. But god, he wanted him so badly.

* * *

Buck couldn’t stop smiling as he watched Lindsay and Thomas. They were so madly in love with each other, anyone could see that. It was obvious in the way Thomas grinned at her when she spoke or the bright twinkle in Lindsay’s eyes. It was clear in every moment they were together that they loved each other. 

Love was foreign to Buck. His parents hadn’t been terribly good at love or affection. He could count on one hand how many times both of his parents hugged him as a child. He was also certain he couldn’t remember a time either of them actually said they loved him. And that was sad, but Maddie had gone through that too. So Maddie hugged him and Maddie told him she loved him. She gave him as much love as she could, to make up for their apathetic parents. 

But then Maddie left, once for college and then once when she got married. And they still talked, but the I love yous were gone, replaced with I miss you and I’ll see you soon. Of course, they went three years without seeing each other, even though Buck had begged Maddie to visit him. He couldn’t change the past, but he was damn glad Doug was dead. 

Neither Ali or Abby ever loved him. He knew that. Ali had been nice and a decent girlfriend when she was around. But she didn’t love him. You didn’t leave when it got hard, which was exactly what Ali had done. She had left. Abby had left too, but not because it got too difficult but because she needed to find herself. Buck understood that now. What he didn’t understand was the radio silence. The moment Abby stopped answering calls and emails, he had known it was over. And it had hurt, but not as much as it should have. 

Maybe it was because by the time he had given up on Abby, he already had Eddie in his life. Eddie, who he worked so well with and who made him laugh and invited him over for pizza and movies with the best kid ever. It had only been a year ago when Buck finally accepted that his relationship with Abby was over. Eddie hadn’t even been a solid idea in his head then. A year ago, Eddie was deciding whether or not he wanted to give Shannon a second chance. A year ago, they had been casually chatting about how he was sleeping with his estranged wife. 

A year ago, that girl at Santa’s workshop called Christopher ‘their son’. 

From there, it had been a steady fall, realizing how in love with Eddie he was. Maybe that was another reason why he and Ali couldn’t work out; he could never love her when Eddie was around. And it was easier to pretend those feelings weren’t real when Buck had a girlfriend and Eddie was trying to make things work with his wife. 

But then, both women were gone, Ali running away because she was scared and Shannon being taken from the world too soon. From there, it was a delicate dance of Buck letting Eddie heal while also realizing how much he truly loved his best friend.

He knew he loved Eddie. He wasn’t going to bury those feelings anymore. He couldn’t. But he also wasn’t going to act on them. Eddie had broken his heart once without even knowing he did. If this was going to work, he was going to need Eddie to take that step. 

He was going to need to hear how Eddie felt. Which was next to impossible seeing as the guy joined a fight club instead of dealing with the trauma of losing his wife and then almost losing Buck and Christopher. So, Buck wasn’t hopeful.

“I now pronounce you man and wife.” He was brought out of his thoughts by Max, who was doing an excellent job as the officiant. “You may kiss the bride.”

“Come here, darlin,” Thomas said, before pulling Lindsay close to him. Lindsay let out a giggle before kissing Thomas, her hands grabbing the lapels of his jacket. Buck smiled and glanced at Evie, who was half-asleep. 

“Someday, we’ll tell her how she slept through her parents' wedding,” Lucy said, glancing at Evie. Buck just chuckled. They all stood up as Lindsay and Thomas started to make their way back down the aisle. Lindsay stopped in front of Buck and scooped Evie out of his arms. Buck just smiled and they continued down the aisle. As he watched them, he felt a pair of eyes on him. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised that it was Eddie. He was, however, surprised at the intense gaze Eddie was fixing him with. Buck’s ears flushed red and he looked away. 

Maybe hoping Eddie expressed his feelings wasn’t so hopeless after all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Lucy,” Buck said, deciding now was the moment. “Can you help me?” Lucy glanced at Sophie, who was lying on the bench of the picnic table fast asleep, before going over to Buck. “Can you, I don’t know, maybe not keep watching Eddie like a hawk?”

The courtyard had been quickly turned into a reception and party area, everyone moving the picnic tables and Buck and Lucy setting up the food. A bonfire had been set up, but Thomas had been too distracted to start it. Buck was actually pretty sure Bobby started the bonfire, but he wasn’t positive. He’d been busy serving food or entertaining the three elementary aged kids. 

Denny was now half-asleep, his head resting on Hen’s leg as Karen gently played with his curls. The two women were happily cuddled up by the bonfire. Maddie and Chimney were sitting across from them, some sort of conversation between the two couples. 

Bobby and Athena were sitting with Eddie, who was watching Christopher and Sophie move around the courtyard, a burst of energy from the cake they had eaten. 

“Ray picked out a damn good cake,” Thomas said. He scooped a piece on a spoon and offered it to Lindsay, who was rocking Evie. She moved forward to get the cake, but it fell onto her dress instead. “Shit, darling. I’m sorry.” Lindsay just laughed and Buck noticed her glance at Lucy, who was smirking. 

“Oh who cares. I bought this at a thrift store.”

“That is the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Lindsay laughed as Thomas pulled her in for a kiss.

“Straight people,” Max muttered and Thomas gave his friend a look. 

“I will not have you disparaging my relationship on my wedding day.” Max rolled his eyes. “And no, you do not get a pass just because you were a damn good officiant.”

“You did do a really good job Max,” Buck said. 

“I know,” Max said with a smirk. Everyone chuckled as Buck stood up, gathering the plates. 

“You know you don’t have to clean up right now,” Lucy pointed out. Buck shrugged. 

“I want to.” She smiled a little and then he headed towards the outdoor kitchen. He dumped the papers plates in the garbage before beginning to work on some of the dishes in the sink.

“Need a hand?” He turned upon hearing Bobby’s voice. His former captain gave him a slight smile and Buck shrugged. Bobby stood by the sink, grabbing a dish rag to start drying dishes. 

“It was a nice ceremony,” Bobby said, breaking the silence. Buck glanced at him, trying to figure out what Bobby was doing.

“It was,” Buck said. “They deserved it.”

“I’ve been told that you helped Lindsay deliver their baby.”

“In the living room,” Buck said. He sighed a little. “She was freaking out and Thomas asked if I had delivered a baby before. Then I told them about that prenatal yoga class.”

“Now that was a weird call.” Buck chuckled at that and Bobby’s smile grew. “You know, I was thinking about your first couple months at the 118.”

“You said I was a dumbass kid.” Bobby went to say something and Buck stopped him. “I was. Still kind of am sometimes.”

“No, you’re not Buck,” Bobby said, taking a dish from Buck. “Sure, when I first met you, you had some immature moments. But you’ve grown from that. Both professionally and personally. I know I don’t always do a good job of showing it, but I’m proud of you.”

Buck just nodded, not sure what to say. Bobby had been the person he was in contact with the least, mostly because of Bobby keeping him from going back to work. That hurt was still there, not because of the job, but because he had trusted Bobby and Bobby had turned his back on him.

“You know I owe you a different apology.” Buck glanced at Bobby. “Your first couple of months at the station, I told you the 118 wasn’t a family. I was wrong. We are a family. And whatever you decide for the future, there’s always going to be a place for you there.”

“Thanks Bobby,” Buck said, attempting a smile. “But I think I’m good here.”

“I know,” Bobby said with a nod. “But if, down the road, you ever want to come back, so long as I’m captain, there will be a place for you.” He patted Buck’s shoulder and then walked away. Buck focused back on the dishes in the sink, a weird feeling twisting in his gut. 

Bobby promising that there was always going to be a place at the station was what he had wanted months ago. When he had gotten hurt, when he had the pulmonary embolism, he wanted everyone to assure him that he’d always have a place there. And they hadn’t. But Buck had also felt like being a firefighter was the only thing he had. Spending time at Haven Acres, he realized that wasn’t the case. There was so much more to him now then there had ever been. 

He knew who he was now and Haven Acres had helped him figure that out.

* * *

Buck sighed as he pulled the fairy lights down. Most of the people had cleared out of the courtyard some time ago. However, both Eddie and Lucy were still there. Both of their kids were fast asleep and yet they hadn’t left. 

He knew why Lucy was still there. It was clear Eddie wanted to talk to him and Lucy was trying to keep that from happening. He appreciated her concern, but he also wanted to tell her to stand down. 

“Hey Lucy,” Buck said, deciding now was the moment. “Can you help me?” Lucy glanced at Sophie, who was lying on the bench of the picnic table fast asleep, before going over to Buck. “Can you, I don’t know, maybe not keep watching Eddie like a hawk?”

“Well maybe if he would go to sleep, I wouldn’t have to.” Buck huffed. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know,” Buck said, putting the fairy lights in a box. “But I think I need to talk to him, one-on-one.” Lucy gave him a look. “I’ll be okay, I promise.” Lucy pursed her lips before sighing. 

“Fine,” Lucy said eventually. “But only because my daughter needs to sleep in her actual bed.” Buck nodded and then Lucy went back over to where Sophie was. She scooped her up and then went inside, sending one last warning look in Eddie’s direction. Buck sighed before walking over to where Eddie was. Christopher was asleep, his head on Eddie’s leg. 

“I guess the party wore him out,” Buck said with a slight nod. 

“Either that or Sophie,” Eddie remarked and Buck chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid with more energy than mine, but Sophie might just take the cake.” Eddie stood up, gently lifting Christopher as he did.

“I kind of felt bad for Denny,” Buck said, grabbing Christopher’s crutches. He noticed Eddie smile at that action and Buck tried to ignore how Eddie’s smile made his heart beat a little faster. “He tired out way before those two.” Eddie just chuckled at that as they made their way out of the courtyard and towards the room Eddie was staying in. 

“It was a really nice night,” Eddie said and Buck couldn’t help but nod. They lapsed into silence, Buck not sure what else to say. A part of him was screaming to confess what he was feeling towards Eddie. But his rational side told him to keep quiet, that he couldn’t let Eddie hurt him again if Eddie wasn’t willing to truly express what he was feeling and what that kiss from the last time he visited meant. 

They reached the room and Eddie unlocked the door, going inside. Buck stayed at the door, not crossing the threshold. It was easy for them both to stay silent as Eddie set up getting Christoper into the bed. 

Of course the silence meant that Eddie’s mind was racing. 

He hadn’t really had a moment alone with Buck all night. Between Buck being so busy with everything and Lucy constantly being around him, Eddie just hadn’t been able to talk to Buck on his own. Not that he knew what he would know what to say. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and hurt Buck. But he also felt like he needed to say something. 

Once Christopher was settled, Eddie glanced at Buck. Something about seeing him standing there, timidly in the threshold of the room made his heart hurt. God, he wanted to kiss him. 

“You, uh, probably want these,” Buck said, holding the crutches out. Eddie just nodded and crossed over to Buck. He wordlessly took the crutches and set them down by the bed. When Eddie said nothing, just continued to stare at him, Buck sighed, internally. “I should, uh, go.” He stepped back, his form only illuminated by the moon that seemed to be hovering over him. 

This was the moment. Eddie had to do something now. As Buck started to go, Eddie stepped outside and grabbed his wrist.

“Eddie?” Eddie felt like his heart was going to thump right out of his chest. Buck’s skin was smooth underneath his fingers and he wanted to hold onto that feeling forever. 

“I need to do something,” Eddie finally managed to get out. “And I need to know it’s okay with you this time.” Buck stared back at him, almost entranced by Eddie’s heated stare. “I want to...no, I need to kiss you Buck.” Buck felt his breath catch in his throat. “Please Buck.” Buck could feel his willpower crumbling. He wanted Eddie to say more than just that. But the urge to kiss Eddie was just too strong. He didn't want to just remember what Eddie’s lips felt like on his. He wanted to feel it again.

“Do it.” Eddie sucked in a breath, every other thought leaving his head. With one swift motion, he pulled Buck towards him and then spun their positions around. He noticed Buck gulp as he backed him into the wall. Eddie moved until there was no space between them, his lips hovering over Buck’s. He gazed hungrily at Buck’s lips and Buck licked his lips in anticipation. 

That was enough for Eddie. 

He closed the distance, crashing his lips into Buck’s. One hand held onto the short hairs on Buck’s neck while the other gripped onto one of his biceps. That feeling, along with Buck’s tongue sliding across his lips made him groan. Buck grabbed two handfuls of Eddie’s shirt, making sure there was no space between them, keeping their bodies flush to the others. 

Buck felt like he was drowning in the sensation of Eddie. He wanted to know this feeling for as long as possible. But he also knew this wasn’t enough. Actions weren’t enough. He needed more. 

“Eddie.” He pushed the brunette back just slightly, stopping him from continuing his onslaught of kisses. “I...I need…”

“What do you need?” Eddie asked, taking Buck’s face in his hands. “Do you need to know that I’m always going to be waiting for you? Do you need to know that Christopher and I need you?”

“I need to know how you feel,” Buck said, locking eyes with Eddie. Eddie swallowed hard, doubt crossing his brown eyes. “I need to hear it Eddie, please.”

“I want you in my life Buck,” Eddie said, caressing the edges of Buck’s jaw with his thumbs. “I need you in my life.”

“That’s not what you feel,” Buck said, grabbing Eddie’s hands, stopping the motion. “I need the words Eddie.”

“Buck.” He could see a look of fear cross Eddie’s face and Buck felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

“Three words Eddie. That’s all I need.” Eddie just stumbled backwards, no words coming out of his mouth. Buck just shook his head, feeling tears slip down his face. “I need more than just actions Eddie. If you can’t tell me how you feel…”

“Buck please.”

“I won’t let you break my heart again,” Buck whispered, tears falling freely. Eddie tried to reach for him but Buck shook his head. Buck quickly pushed past him, trying to keep it together. Even through his blurred vision, he quickly made his way back to his room. Once inside, with the door locked behind him, he felt something in him break. 

As the tears fell more freely, Buck gasped for air. He had let too many walls down with Eddie, had let himself get too comfortable. Eddie was never going to feel the same way Buck felt and that broke him. 

He pulled a pillow towards his face, trying to muffle his sobs, trying to muffle the pain he had wanted to avoid. 

But with Eddie, it seemed that pain was unavoidable.

* * *

Eddie stood awkwardly by his truck the next morning, not sure what to do. Buck was saying goodbye to everyone, trying to act like everything was okay. But Eddie could see the exhaustion behind his eyes, an exhaustion he had caused. 

He had so many regrets. He regretted kissing Buck when he couldn’t give Buck what he wanted. He regretted not chasing after him last night, trying to make it okay. 

And mostly, he regretted hurting Buck again. 

So, he watched from afar. Christopher was hanging onto Buck as the blonde carried him around. Everyone else was smiling, hugging him, and nodding when he promised to call. He could see Maddie eyeing him and he wondered how long it would be before he was public enemy number one in Maddie’s eyes. Hadn’t she warned him the previous night? And yet, he had thrown that all away because he wanted to kiss Buck. 

God, he was selfish and he hated himself for that. 

Soon, everyone was getting in their cars and leaving. Buck watched each of the cars drive off, talking to Christopher. Christopher was happily talking to Buck and Eddie could see a hint of a smile on Buck’s face. 

The smile fell away when he looked at Eddie. 

It hurt seeing that pain on Buck’s face, knowing he had caused it. Buck sighed, whispering something Christopher, before making his way over to the car. Eddie just held the door open as Buck got Christopher settled in the backseat. He turned away, letting Buck have a goodbye with Christopher. Buck cleared his throat some moments later and Eddie closed the door. 

Then it was just the two of them. 

“I’ll call you when we get home,” Eddie said, a hopefulness in his voice. Maybe he couldn’t give Buck what he needed but they could still talk, right?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Buck said, a quietness to his voice. 

“Buck.”

“I told you what I needed Eddie,” Buck said, his blue eyes shining with fresh tears. “I don’t need phone calls or flirty comments. Three words Eddie. If you can’t find them, then don’t bother.” Then Buck was walking away and Eddie felt his resolve crumbling. Why did he chase away everyone? Why was he so bad at this? He watched Buck go, a regret seeping through him so deeply that he thought it might swallow him up. 

He let a few tears cascade down before he wiped his face and got into the car. 

“Daddy?” There was a timidness to Christopher’s voice. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course, mijo,” Eddie said, starting the car. “I just miss Buck already.”

“Me too.” Eddie sniffed again, looking at Haven Acres through the rearview mirror. Unlike last time, Buck wasn’t waiting on the porch. He had already disappeared back into the house. 

Eddie could only grip the steering wheel as he started to drive, trying to keep the tears at bay, trying to not lose it over chasing Buck away again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I told you inviting them was a bad idea,” Buck said, closing the book. Lucy sighed and sat down across from. “God, why did I think having them here was a good idea?”
> 
> “Do you really mean them or just one person?” Buck sighed. “It’s been a few days, but I think it’s time you tell me what Eddie did.” 

“You have got to stop moping.” Buck looked up from the book he was unsuccessfully trying to read, to see Lucy. Buck was ready to tell Lucy that he wasn’t moping, but that was exactly what he had been doing since Eddie left. He had been moping because Eddie didn’t love him and that hurt Buck more than he could admit. 

“I told you inviting them was a bad idea,” Buck said, closing the book. Lucy sighed and sat down across from. “God, why did I think having them here was a good idea?”

“Do you really mean them or just one person?” Buck sighed. “It’s been a few days, but I think it’s time you tell me what Eddie did.” 

“It’s more what he didn’t do,” Buck said mournfully. Lucy raised her eyebrows at that. “Nothing like that. We just kissed again. But I need more than that.”

“And he couldn’t give you that?”

“He wouldn’t,” Buck said sadly. “So either he doesn’t feel the same way I do or is too scared to say it and I can’t...I won’t go through that. I’ve been in too many relationships where the other person didn’t love me as much as I loved them. I can’t do that again.” Lucy frowned. 

“Look, I don’t necessarily like Eddie.”

“Statement of the year.” Lucy gave Buck a look and he attempted a chuckle. “Sorry, continue.”

“Look, I loved Scott with all my heart,” Lucy continued. “But it wasn’t easy for us. We had to fight to make our relationship work, especially once I found out I was pregnant. And even when it wasn’t easy, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. The person you love has to be worth it.”

“But Scott loved you,” Buck countered. “I don’t know if Eddie…” Buck sighed. 

“You really think, after everything he’s done, that he doesn’t love you?” Buck squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to believe that Eddie loved him. But after everything with the lawsuit and how Eddie had treated him afterwards, he couldn’t just go off assumptions.

“I need to hear it from him,” Buck said quietly, looking up sadly at Lucy. “And I don’t know if I ever will.” Lucy reached out and took his hand, not sure what else to say. Buck just squeezed her hand back, trying not to break down again over whether or not Eddie loved him.

* * *

Eddie sat at the table in the station, staring down a barely touched cup of coffee. He didn’t remember grabbing it, but then again, he felt like he barely focused on anything the last few days. 

He couldn’t, not after what happened with Buck. 

He should’ve known better than to kiss him again. But his body had been screaming at him to do it and he wanted to. Of course, doing that had screwed everything up and now Buck wouldn’t talk to him. He hadn’t responded to any of his texts or calls. He knew Christopher had spoken to Buck since they got back, but only because Buck had called Carla. 

Eddie wanted to tell Buck how he felt. But he barely knew what he was feeling. Wasn’t it enough that he wanted Buck in his life? Why did Buck need that other word?

“You know.” He looked up, hearing Hen’s voice. “You’re supposed to drink coffee, not stare at it.” Eddie just sighed and Hen sat down across from him. “You’ve been off since Christmas. What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” Eddie grumbled, pushing the cup away from him. Hen raised an eyebrow and Eddie sighed. “I did something stupid and now Buck won’t talk to me and I just...I can’t go through losing him again.”

“Okay,” Hen said, nodding a little. “Start from the beginning. Maybe with what the heck is really going on with you two?” Eddie sighed. 

“I realized right after he left that I…” He let out another long sigh. “Had feelings for him. And the first time I visited I almost said that, but I kissed him instead. But he needed space and time and I understood that. I saw how badly he was hurt and how he needed to find himself there and not here.”

“So what changed?”

“The phone calls, the texts, they made me think that we were moving towards something else,” Eddie said. “It felt like normal and like something more. But then we were visiting Haven Acres and I felt like I didn’t have anything useful to say to him because I didn’t want to say or do something that we’d both regret.”

“But then you did?” Hen asked and Eddie nodded. 

“He wanted me to tell him how I felt,” Eddie said, his shoulders slumping forward. “But the problem is, I don’t know how I’m feeling about this. Christmas was the second time I’ve seen him in months. Not to mention my disastrous history with relationships.”

“Maybe you just need to tell him that,” Hen pointed out. “It’s not like Buck wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe he would’ve before,” Eddie said. “But now I can’t even get him to respond to me. What if I screwed up too badly this time?”

“He just needs time and space,” Hen said. “Just give him a few more days. And don’t go rushing back to Haven Acres trying to prove something.” Eddie sighed. “It’ll all be okay Eddie.” Eddie just nodded, even though he wasn’t too positive about that.

“Guys.” They both looked up seeing Chimney approaching. “Bobby wants everybody downstairs.” He then turned and headed down the stairs. Eddie sighed and got up, abandoning the coffee cup in the sink.

“Hey Hen?” The woman turned to him as they headed downstairs. “Thanks.” Hen just smiled and nodded. Eddie was glad Bobby wanted to talk to everyone because it meant he could focus on literally anything beside how he might have ruined his relationship with Buck for the second time in less than a year.

* * *

“Alright everyone, front and center.” Everyone stood by the fire trucks as Bobby spoke. Since it wasn’t a line-up, they were all in assorted groups. Eddie was standing with Hen and Chimney, though Chimney was a step in front of Eddie and Hen. 

“What’s going on Cap?” Hen asked, noticing the serious look on Bobby’s face.

“Stations in Northern California are struggling because of the ongoing wildfires,” Bobby began. “The first responders up there are doing their best but the fires keep raging and their workers are exhausted and run ragged. The chief has asked all stations in the Los Angeles area to consider sending volunteers up north to help with the wildfires.”

Eddie stiffened a little. Northern California was vague, but Haven Acres was in Northern California. Eddie couldn’t help but feel the worry seep in.

“I can’t ask any of you to volunteer to go,” Bobby continued. “But those first responders in Northern California are our brothers and sisters. If they need our help, it’s only right to step in if we can.” There were murmurs of agreement throughout the station. “If you’re willing to help, we’ll be heading up tonight. I’ll be going and I hope some of you can join us.” 

As others dispersed, Eddie, Chimney, and Hen stayed put. There seemed to be the same concern amongst them; where were the fires?

“Cap.” Chimney finally spoke up, willing to be the one to ask. “If we go, where are we headed?”

“Just outside of the San Jose area.” Eddie sucked in a breath. “I have no reason to believe Buck is in danger.”

“But going might assuage some of that worry,” Hen said and Bobby nodded. 

“I’m going.” Everyone looked at Eddie. “I have to. I need to.” If there was a chance the wildfires were near Haven Acres, then Eddie needed to be there. He needed to know that Buck was safe.

“Then I’m going too,” Chimney said.

“Me too.” Bobby nodded. 

“I’ll call the chief to let him know,” Bobby said. “And to get some people in here while we’re gone.” The three of them nodded. “You should all head home now. Get some extra uniforms, arrange whatever you need to arrange. We leave at 5.” Hen and Chimney walked away, but Bobby stopped Eddie. 

“Cap?”

“Whether or not he’s affected,” Bobby started. “We have to remain as professional as possible. Understood?” Eddie just nodded, not trusting his voice. “Go on. Be back here on time.” Eddie headed towards the locker room, trying to make a list of what he needed to do. He needed to call Carla and his Abuela or Pepa. He needed to get in touch with Christopher’s school and let them know he wouldn’t be available for the next few days and who to call if there was an emergency. He needed to explain to his son what was going on. 

And mostly, he needed to not worry about Buck. Which was definitely going to take up far too much headspace and Bobby had requested his utmost professionalism. 

Which he knew would be impossible to uphold if Buck actually was in trouble.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ride to the firehouse in San Jose was horribly silent. Nobody could manage to say anything. The wildfires had been a problem for a while, so they all knew what they were walking into.
> 
> But the chance that one of their own was being affected by it seemed to up the severity. 

The ride to the firehouse in San Jose was horribly silent. Nobody could manage to say anything. The wildfires had been a problem for a while, so they all knew what they were walking into.

But the chance that one of their own was being affected by it seemed to up the severity. 

Eddie had arranged everything with Abuela and Carla to make sure Christopher was taken care of for the few days that they provided relief to the firefighters in San Jose. Christopher had been a little confused and sad, but Eddie had promised him it was just for a few days and not like when he was deployed.

He glanced at Chimney, who was wearing a similarly worried expression. He knew Chimney had spoken to Maddie before he left, but didn’t say if Maddie had reached out to Buck. It seemed like everyone was too scared to reach out to Buck. What if they were already too late? Or, what if they were worrying for no reason and he was fine? 

When they reached the firehouse, they all got out and walked in. 

“You must be Captain Nash.” A broad-shouldered man with a buzz cut approached. “I’m Captain Jenkins with the 926.”

“Nice to meet you Captain Jenkins. Though I wish it could be under better circumstances.”

“Well we appreciate the help,” Captain Jenkins said. “And your chief says you’re one hell of a cook, so even if it’s just a real meal, we appreciate anything.”

“Of course,” Bobby said. “Whatever we can do to help.” Captain Jenkins nodded as he began to show them around. 

“We’ve been swamped the last few days with the fires,” He began. “We’re the largest station in the area, with several smaller stations in the towns and cities outside of San Jose. Firefighters from San Jose and San Francisco have been coming to help, but we need all the people we can get.”

“Have there been casualties?” Bobby asked and Captain Jenkins sighed.

“We’ve been lucky enough to just deal with the flames,” He said. “But I know there have been some people who didn’t get out in time. It’s worse at night, which is again why we’re glad you’re here.” He stopped and sighed. “I need to check in with some of my crew and see who can go on the next call we get. I assume you and your team will be ready at a moment's notice?”

“Absolutely.” Captain Jenkins nodded before walking away. Once he was gone, Bobby turned to the others. 

“Captain Jenkins is in charge,” Bobby said. “You follow his orders or face consequences with me, got it?”

“Bobby, what if one of the calls they get is to Haven Acres?” Hen asked, voicing the question on everyone’s mind. 

“Then we do our job,” Bobby said. “And we hope that Buck is okay.” Everyone nodded solemnly. “We have a job to do first. We have to keep that in mind.” Eddie fought back a sigh, knowing that while Bobby was right, if any calls were even remotely near Haven Acres, they would all be a worried mess. 

So, they just had to hope for the best.

* * *

When Buck woke up, he immediately knew something was wrong. 

It was hot in his room, more than normal. And he quickly found himself needing to clear his throat. He was confused for a second before he realized what was going on.

When he pulled open his door, he was greeted with an inferno and shouting. 

He hardly remembered throwing a shirt or his shoes on, as he ran out of the room. He could see and hear people shouting and panicking, screaming for each other. 

“Follow me!” Buck shouted. “We need to move! Now!” He directed people past the pool and towards the front yard. He searched the faces for the ones he knew the best, but he didn’t see them. He felt a sense of panic. Where were they?

“Lindsay, come on!” He felt some relief as he saw Lindsay, running out into the front yard. Thomas was right behind her, holding Evie, who was crying hysterically. 

“Are you guys okay?” Buck asked. He tried to visibly check them. Other than fear, he didn’t see anything wrong. Thomas nodded as he handed Evie to Lindsay, who tried to calm the baby down. “Have you seen-”

“Max!” He turned and saw Max running to them. Thomas pulled him into a hug, relief spreading across his face. 

“Max, you have your phone?” Max nodded. “Call 9-1-1, now.” Max nodded, doing as he was told. Buck looked around, searching for Lucy and Sophie. He could feel his chest tightening, realizing he didn’t see them. He looked back towards the house, hoping to see them come running out. 

Instead, he heard a scream from the second floor. Buck’s eyes widened in fear. He looked at Lindsay, who was busy trying to calm Evie, and Max, who was on the phone with 9-1-1. But Thomas was tracking his movements.

“Buck?”

“They’re still inside.” Thomas’ eyes widened. “I have to.”

“You can’t.”

“It’s kind of what I do, Thomas.” And then he was running back towards the house. He could hear people yelling his name, but he wasn’t going to stop. 

He needed to get Lucy and Sophie out safely.

* * *

When the alarm sounded, the crew from the 118 jumped into action, since that was what they were there for. There was a noticeable tension among them, but they had a job to do.

“Dispatch says it’s a residential area,” Captain Jenkins said over the headset. “Little place off the beaten path that’s sort of a hostel.” Eddie tensed up and Bobby glanced at him. Even though it was dark, the roads they were winding down seemed familiar. 

And then they pulled up to the lawn in front of Haven Acres. And Eddie felt like he was going to be sick. 

Bobby followed Captain Jenkins waiting for orders. But Eddie started searching for Buck. He needed to find him, needed to know if he was safe. 

“Please!” He heard a familiar voice and turned wildly, trying to locate it. He spotted Lindsay, a distraught look on her face. “Our friends are still inside! You have to send someone in to help them.”

“Miss, we need to get control of the fire first before we can begin rescue.” Lindsay let out a cry and turned towards Thomas and Max. 

“Lindsay!” He ran over to them. The firefighter who was talking to her moved away as Lindsay turned towards Eddie. “Where’s Buck?” He could see Lindsay was crying, clutching Evie. “Lindsay!”

“He ran back inside,” Thomas said, a terrified look on his face. “I tried to stop him but he just...Lucy and Sophie are inside.” Eddie stared at the house in horror. Buck was inside. 

Suddenly, Bobby was in front of him.

“Buck’s inside,” Eddie managed to get out. “Buck’s inside.”

“Eddie,” Bobby said, a warning tone in his voice. Eddie just shook his head. Bobby tried to grab for his arm, but Eddie was already running inside. 

Consequences be damned. He needed to find Buck. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The minute Buck ran back into the house, he knew it was the wrong decision.
> 
> Yes, he was a firefighter and he was trained for this. But he also usually had turnout gear, a mask, extra oxygen, and a bag of supplies if anything went wrong. He didn’t have any of that right now. He started coughing immediately, holding his hand up trying to focus past the flames and smoke. He coughed again and sucked in as much air as he could. 
> 
> The scream from the second floor brought him back to what he was doing. 

The minute Buck ran back into the house, he knew it was the wrong decision.

Yes, he was a firefighter and he was trained for this. But he also usually had turnout gear, a mask, extra oxygen, and a bag of supplies if anything went wrong. He didn’t have any of that right now. He started coughing immediately, holding his hand up trying to focus past the flames and smoke. He coughed again and sucked in as much air as he could. 

The scream from the second floor brought him back to what he was doing. 

He rushed up the stairs, hoping they were still usable for the way down. The second floor was mostly for storage, but it was also where Lucy and Sophie’s room was. He ran towards Sophie’s room first. 

“Sophie!” He shouted, pushing the door open. He looked around, squinting from the flames. He felt his chest tighten seeing the emptiness of the room. “Sophie!”

“Buck!” He spun around, hearing her voice. He quickly ran out of the room towards Lucy’s room. He went to pull the door open, but it didn’t move. He pulled and pulled, the door still not budging.

“Sophie!” 

“Buck!” Sophie screamed back. “Help please! Mommy’s hurt!” Buck’s breathing picked up, hearing the fear in Sophie’s voice. Something had to be blocking the door. But Sophie and Lucy were inside. He had to get to them. He had to help them and get them out of the house.

He stared at the door, ready to kick the door down and rush through the flames.

But he was stopped by someone grabbing him and spinning him around.

“What the hell are you doing?”

* * *

Eddie didn’t care if Bobby was going to reprimand him or suspend him for his actions, he needed to get to Buck. If Buck was in the house, then he was going in. 

Panic clawed up his chest as he saw how bad the inside of the house was. It seemed like everything was on fire, smoke everywhere. Eddie had protective gear, but Buck didn’t. He couldn’t even imagine how Buck was moving through the house. 

He was about to shout for Buck when he heard Buck’s voice, shouting for Sophie. He ran up the stairs, following the sound. He spotted Buck and grabbed his arms. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Eddie shouted, spinning Buck around to face him. Buck looked startled and then confused. 

“Eddie?” Buck coughed out. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to get your dumb ass out of this fire!” Eddie shouted. “We need to go.” Eddie grabbed for his arm and Buck stepped back. 

“I need to get Lucy and Sophie out!” Eddie went to say something when they felt the house shake.

“ _ Diaz _ !” Bobby’s voice came through his radio. “ _ That house is going to come down any second. You need to get out of there! _ ” Eddie looked at Buck, hoping the concern in Bobby’s voice was enough to get Buck to listen to him

“You heard Bobby!” Eddie shouted, reaching for Buck’s arm again. “We have to go now!”

“No!” Eddie wanted to scream at Buck’s stubbornness. Why couldn’t he just focus on his own safety. “You go if you want, but I’m getting them out!”

“Damn it, Buck! Come with me now!”

“Why the hell should I?”

“Because I love you, damn it!” Both men froze at Eddie’s admission. Eddie’s chest was heaving with stress and frustration, but the tension was bleeding away, knowing that he had finally given Buck what he wanted. He had finally told him how he felt. Buck huffed, coughing as he did, staring at Eddie with a mixture of emotions that Eddie couldn’t interpret. 

“If you love me then you’ll help me get Lucy and Sophie out of here!” Buck turned towards the door, ready to kick it down. Eddie pushed Buck behind him and kicked the door in himself. Buck looked at him for a second before running into the room, Eddie a step behind him.

“Buck!” Sophie cried as they entered. Sophie was on the floor by Lucy, who wasn’t moving. “Mommy’s hurt! You have to help her.”

“You get Sophie,” Eddie said and Buck nodded. Buck scooped Sophie up as Eddie lifted Lucy. 

“ _ Diaz! _ ” Eddie looked at Buck, who was holding a sobbing Sophie in his arms. He nodded to Eddie and they left the room quickly, towards the inferno of the house still ahead of them.

* * *

Bobby stared at the house, terror, panic, and anger running through him. 

“Captain Nash!” It was Captain Jenkins approaching him, Hen and Chimney a step behind him. “One of my crew says one of yours went into the house.”

“There were civilians still inside.” He noticed Hen and Chimney exchange a look. 

“You better hope they get out of there alive,” Captain Jenkins said, before walking away. 

“Cap?” Hen asked when he was gone.

“Buck was still inside,” Bobby said and Chimney stared at the house in fear. Bobby could tell what he was thinking; if Buck didn’t make it out, what would he tell Maddie?

“Oh my god!” Some of the people from Haven Acres were nearby. They were staring in horror as some of the house started to crumble. Bobby’s eyes widened and he was grabbing for his radio. 

“Diaz! That house is going to come down any second. You need to get out of there!” He cursed when Eddie didn’t respond. Bobby started to feel that same horrifying feeling that had rushed through him when he had found Freddie in the street months ago. But this was worse. Now two of his own were in danger. “Diaz!” Hen and Chimney had the same panicked look on his face, knowing they couldn’t do anything.

And then he saw two figures running out of the house. 

“Oh thank god,” Hen breathed out, before all three of them jumped into action, relief spreading through them, but knowing they all still had jobs to do.

* * *

Buck’s throat was burning as he moved through the house, keeping Sophie as close to him as possible. His brain was running with a million thoughts, but they needed to get out of there before he could deal with any of that. 

He didn’t know how they made it outside, but he gasped for air as soon as they were out, coughing as he did. He kept moving, needing to get as far from the house. Eddie was a step behind him as they moved further and further from the house. 

He could see people running towards him, but the combination of inhaling too much smoke and running was starting to get to him. He stumbled a little, gripping Sophie tightly. He was about to keel over, when he felt hands catch him. 

“Easy Buckaroo.” It was Chimney, who was keeping him upright. Someone was pulling Sophie from his arms and he realized it was Bobby. He spotted Hen, who was already helping Eddie with Lucy. 

“What-” Buck was confused. Why were they all here? How could they possibly have known? And why did they have all their gear? 

His questions all came to a halt when he heard shouts from everyone in front of him.

He pulled out of Chimney’s grasp and turned around. He looked back at Haven Acres, watching as the house crumbled to the ground, the house finally succumbing to the wildfires. 

Suddenly, the reality of everything hit him. 

Haven Acres was gone. He had been in that towering inferno. He had almost lost his friends and his own life. He gasped for air, stumbling forward. 

He felt arms grab for him, but this time it wasn’t Chimney. It was Thomas. The Southerner held him up, a tight grip on his arms. 

“Told you not to go in there,” Thomas said before pulling Buck into a bone-crushing hug. Lindsay was there too, holding on to Evie. Max was a step behind, having gotten Sophie from Bobby.

“Lucy,” Buck managed to get out. 

“The paramedics are helping her,” Lindsay said. “We’re okay Buck. Thanks to you again.” He stared back at the fiery ash that was now Haven Acres, Thomas holding him up. 

“I think the paramedics should take a look at you too,” Thomas said. 

“Probably a good idea.” He coughed harshly, his vision growing blurry again. “Definitely have some smoke inhalation.” Thomas just shook his head, a relieved smile on his face as they all helped Buck towards the nearest ambulance. 

He still had a million questions. But for right now, he was glad that everyone was okay. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” Max said, eyeing Buck. Buck sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The doctors said they would tell us when they were done examining her.”

Buck paced the hallway of the hospital, waiting for news. Lindsay was sitting on a bench, bouncing Evie in her lap. Thomas next to her, his head on her shoulder. Sophie was taking up the rest of the bench, half asleep. Max was leaning on the wall that Buck kept pacing in front of.

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor,” Max said, eyeing Buck. Buck sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The doctors said they would tell us when they were done examining her.” They had convinced the doctor to let them wait outside the room Lucy was in because they were the closest thing she had to family and they had their daughter with her. He could tell the doctor was too tired to argue, probably swamped from whatever cases they had had from the wildfires. 

“I just want to hear something.” 

“Worrying isn't going to help,” Lindsay said with a sigh. Buck was about to say something when the doctor came out.

“How is she?”

“Awake,” The doctor said. “And asking for her daughter.” Buck nodded and scooped Sophie up. The doctor walked away and then Buck glanced at the others. 

“Well, go on,” Thomas said. “We can wait.” Buck sighed before going in. Lucy was lying on the hospital bed as a nurse spoke to her. 

“Mommy!” Sophie shouted, though her voice was tinged with sleepiness. Lucy looked away from the nurse and smiled at her daughter. The nurse just noded and exited the room.

“There’s my girl,” Lucy said, a drowsiness to her voice. “And my hero, apparently.” Buck shrugged as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Sophie pulled away from Buck and Lucy gently pulled her daughter towards her.

“Are you okay?” Buck asked, looking over Lucy. 

“Some bruising and a few broken ribs,” Lucy said, running her hand through Sophie’s hair. “I was trying to...to get out of the room safely with Sophie. I think part of the ceiling was coming down? I don’t remember. I was just trying to keep her safe.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Buck said with a sigh. “The others are outside.” Lucy nodded, glancing at Sophie, who had fallen asleep, curled up against her side. 

“You’re all okay?” Buck nodded. “And Haven Acres?”

“I’m sorry Lucy.” Lucy sighed. “It’s gone.”

“It works until it doesn’t anymore,” Lucy said, echoing the words from Buck’s early days there. “Although, I never expected it to be a wildfire that did the place in.” Buck just nodded. “You okay?”

“Just going through some stuff in my head.” It was true. His mind was racing. He still didn’t understand why his old team had been there. And then there was the sadness of Haven Acres having burnt down. 

And then there was Eddie screaming he loved him in the middle of a fire. 

It was all a lot to process.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck chuckled and patted Lucy’s ankle. 

“Maybe when you’re not high on painkillers.” Lucy shrugged, her eyes closing a little. “I should let you sleep. But we’ll all be right outside, okay?” He got up and went to move Sophie. But Lucy just wrapped her arm around her daughter. 

“We both need this,” Lucy said sleepily. Buck smiled and nodded. He moved towards the door, but didn’t leave just yet. He watched the two of them, waiting until their breaths were both even and they were fast asleep. He smiled a little, glad Lucy was okay, before heading out of the hospital room.

* * *

“Captain Nash.” The crew from the 118 was at the firehouse the next morning. It had been a long night putting out the wildfires and cleaning up what they could of what had been Haven Acres. It certainly hadn’t helped that they were all worried about Buck the whole time. He had gone to the hospital, but one of the local paramedics had taken him, Lucy, and Sophie. Eddie hadn’t seen Lindsay, Thomas, and Max leave, or he would’ve asked them for information (not that they would’ve given it to him). So they were all, especially Eddie, worried and a little on edge.

That worry changed when they saw Captain Jenkins approaching them, a frustrated look on his face. 

“You know, when they said they’d send me volunteers from Los Angeles, I thought they’d be a little more cooperative.”

“Captain Jenkins, if I could explain,” Bobby started, but he was cut off.

“I understand what our job is, but you all seemed especially concerned for that young man.”

“He’s one of our own.” Captain Jenkins nodded, as if understanding fully why they were there now.

“I see.” He pursed his lips as if searching for the right words. “I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if the situations were reversed. But what your crew member did was dangerous and foolish. We appreciate the help, but it might be best if you all went back to Los Angeles.” Bobby just nodded. The other captain sighed. “We do appreciate the help and since no one got hurt, we can just keep this situation between us.”

“I appreciate that.” They shook hands and Captain Jenkins walked away. When he was gone, Bobby turned towards the other three. “Guess we’re heading home.”

“But Cap,” Hen said, speaking up. “What about Buck?” Bobby sighed. 

“I can call Maddie,” Chimney offered. “Let her know what happened and see if she can find out how he’s doing and where he’s heading next.”

“That’s all we can ask for,” Bobby said. “Now, come on. It’s a long ride back to Los Angeles.” Eddie wanted to stay put or at least find out what hospital Buck had gone to. But he had confessed his feelings to Buck, he had put it all out there. If Buck wanted him, then Eddie was going to have to be patient and hope for the best. 

Or, at least not spend a seven hour car ride kicking himself for confessing his love to Buck during a fire. He’d never live that down.

* * *

Buck slowly stood up from the seat in the hospital room. The doctor wanted to keep Lucy overnight for observation, so everyone agreed to stick around to keep an eye on her and Sophie. That and technically, they didn’t have anywhere else to go. 

Buck decided to push past that sad thought. He could deal with the loss of Haven Acres when Lucy was out of the hospital. He glanced at Lucy, who was asleep, Sophie still curled into her side. Sophie had refused to leave her mother’s side once they had been allowed in the room and Lucy had no issue with that. Max, Thomas, Lindsay, and Evie were in the room, since the nurses realized none of them were leaving and decided they’d be less in the way if they were in Lucy’s room. 

Buck sighed as he quietly stepped out of the room. He had so many questions about what had happened the night before and he needed some answers. But Maddie had also been texting him and he felt he owed his sister a call. 

So, he dialed her number. 

“ _ Buck? Oh thank god _ .”

“Hey Mads.” He walked a little ways down the hallway, keeping his voice low. “I’m okay, before you ask. I promise.”

“ _ When Chimney told me that you had been caught in the wildfires...I was so scared _ .”

“I’m okay Maddie, really.” He sighed and found a bench to sit on. “Everyone is. The actual building, not so much, but we’ll deal with that when Lucy’s out of the hospital.” He heard Maddie breathe out of relief. “Do you know why everyone was there? The 118, I mean.”

“ _ Chimney said Bobby was asking for volunteers to provide relief to firefighters dealing with the wildfires _ .” Buck nodded. “ _ He said when they all heard where it was, there was no question if they were going to go, but when _ .” Buck wanted to smile because what Bobby had said was true; the 118 was a family. But he had too much going on in his head to really smile. “ _ I can hear you thinking from here _ .”

“Just processing,” Buck said quietly.

“ _ So Haven Acres is gone _ ?”

“Well the house wasn’t standing when I left for the hospital with Lucy and Sophie,” Buck said with a sad sigh. “I don’t know what the plan is now.”

“ _ Whatever you decide, I’m just glad you’re safe _ .”

“Thanks Maddie. I love you.”

“ _ You too, little brother _ .” The call ended and Buck sighed and then got up and headed back down the hall. He did need to decide what came next. Where was he going to go? Where did he want to go?

He paused in the doorway of Lucy’s hospital. He glanced around at the people in the room, smiling because they were all safe and were going to be okay. 

He didn’t know what came next, but he was sure whatever did, that he was going to be okay with it.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie sighed, his fingers drumming against the bar. The team had somehow talked him into going with them for drinks. Eddie hadn’t been in the mood, but everyone had insisted and it was clear they weren’t going to take no for an answer. 
> 
> Of course, Eddie hadn’t been in the mood for anything since they got back to Los Angeles. 

Eddie sighed, his fingers drumming against the bar. The team had somehow talked him into going with them for drinks. Eddie hadn’t been in the mood, but everyone had insisted and it was clear they weren’t going to take no for an answer. 

Of course, Eddie hadn’t been in the mood for anything since they got back to Los Angeles. 

His mind kept flashing back to the fire, to the look on Buck’s face when he told Buck he loved him. Maybe it had been the wrong time, but he had said it. And Buck was still radio silent. He was worried and frustrated and sad.

“Hey.” He was torn out of the same spiral of thoughts he had been going through since they got back by Maddie’s voice. “You look like I feel.”

“Been a rough week or so,” Eddie said with a sigh. Maddie just nodded, silence falling between the two. They weren’t friends. She was Buck’s sister and Chimney’s girlfriend. Other than their chat at Haven Acres on Christmas, they didn’t talk much on their own. And yet, she had approached him. He couldn’t help but wonder why, but he wasn’t going to ask. He would’ve rather brooded alone.

“Buck’s okay, you know,” Maddie said, breaking the silence. “Everyone is. He just doesn’t know what his next move is.”

“I wish he’d come back. I wish it was enough. That I was enough.”

“Eddie,” Maddie started, but Eddie sighed. If Maddie didn’t know about his confession, she was about to.

“I told him I love him.” Maddie looked surprised by that, before narrowing her eyes at him.

“When?” Eddie sighed and rubbed a hand down his face.

“When I was trying to save him from a burning building.” Maddie scoffed and Eddie had to admit that that was a better reaction then he had expected. He glanced at her and she was shaking her head.

“Jesus, you two are a disaster.” Eddie snorted at that. 

“Yeah, I know.” He moved so he was leaning against the bar and sighed again. “I know it wasn’t the most opportune time, but I said it. I just have to hope it’s enough.” Maddie nodded, a sympathetic smile on her face. “I guess I should stop moping, huh?”

“Well Hen and Chimney have a bet on whether you’ll mope for the rest of the night,” Maddie said and Eddie chuckled. “Chimney wins if you stop now.”

“Oh, so you’re meddling on Chim’s behalf?” Maddie smirked and Eddie couldn’t help but really notice how alike her and Buck were at times. They had that same kindness, checking in when someone needed it. 

“And because you’re important to Buck.” Eddie smiled a little. “Now, come on.” Eddie nodded and followed her back to the booth. He chuckled as Hen passed Chimney a ten as Eddie sat down in the booth. He smiled and jumped into the conversation, trying not to think about Buck.

* * *

“Well this is depressing.” Everyone was in front of where Haven Acres once stood. Buck was next to Lucy, basically planning to catch her if she fell over because she had just got out of the hospital. Sophie was next to her mother, holding onto her hand. Lindsay and Thomas were on Lucy’s other side, Thomas holding Evie. Max was at the end of the line, with a shopping bag in his hands.

They all stared at where Haven Acres used to be. Gone was the beautiful house they had all come to love. Now, it was just a messy pile of burned wood and ash. A clean-up crew from the local fire department had been leaving when they pulled up.

“I can’t believe it’s gone,” Max said with a sigh. “This place...it was special. It helped us, saved some of us even. And now it’s gone.”

“Just the place,” Lucy said, a sad smile on her place. “The memories will never really leave us.” Buck glanced at Lucy and offered her a smile. She nodded and sighed. Buck looked at the rubble. It felt like an ending. Haven Acres was gone. But had he always expected to stay there forever? He didn’t know what he wanted or where he wanted to go. He didn’t know where anyone was going. No one had brought it up yet.

“Hey Max?” Lindsay spoke up, glancing at the man next to her husband. “What’s in the bag?” Max smirked. 

“Just a little something,” Max said, pulling a bottle and cups out.

“The place might be gone but Lucy has a strict no alcohol rule,” Buck pointed out and Lucy snorted at that. Max rolled his eyes as he uncorked the bottle and passed the cups out. 

“It’s sparkling apple cider,” Max pointed out. “And I figured it might be nice to toast this place. You know to give it a proper…”

“Goodbye,” Lucy finished for him and Max nodded. He went down the line and poured everyone a cup’s worth and then put the empty bottle in the bag. “Who wants to go first?” Everyone was silent, not sure what to say or how to say goodbye.

“Can I start mommy?” Sophie asked and Lucy smiled. 

“Sure baby.”

“Haven Acres was the best!” Sophie said. “No place will ever beat it!”

“Here here!” Thomas called and everyone chuckled. “Alright, my turn. This place was the first place I felt safe after we left Alabama. It was the place I realized I didn’t want to just be with Lindsay but that I wanted to provide for her and give her a good life. This place made me safe enough to feel that way, to feel like I could give my wife and daughter a good life.”

“Here here,” Lindsay said a little tearfully. Thomas smiled and kissed her, before planting a kiss on Evie’s head, the baby just gurgling at that. “I got engaged here, had Evie here, and got married here. This place was everything I could have asked for. And it gave me some really good friends along the way.” Lucy let go of Sophie’s hand, to reach for Lindsay’s. “Thanks for being the best kind of friend I didn’t know I needed Lucy.” Lucy nodded, a little teary.

“My turn?” Max asked and Lucy nodded, wiping some of her tears away. “I’ve been running for far too long. Before this place, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt safe or happy. And then some retired biker at a bus station market told me about a place to find what you were looking for. And I remembered thinking, after everything I’ve been through, nothing can hurt me anymore, right? And I was right. This place didn’t hurt me. It fixed me. It put me back together and helped me figure out who I really am. It saved me. Haven Acres saved me and so many other people. I’ll never be able to truly express how grateful I am for that, but I’ll try for as long as I can.”

“You’re all going to make me sob,” Lucy said, wiping at her eyes again. “And I haven’t cried this hard in years.” Everyone chuckled at that. “When I bought this place, it was just because I needed something. This place was a failing hostel with an owner who wanted out so bad that he was willing to sell it to a twenty-three year old with a toddler.” She sighed. “And then people started showing up that weren’t just looking for a place to lay their head. They were looking for safety and maybe even a home. And I knew what it was like to feel lost. I wanted them to feel like they had something, someone, even if they were all alone.” A few tears slipped down her face and Sophie hugged her mother’s legs. “It was beautiful while we had it, huh?” Everyone smiled at that. 

“Now it’s your turn,” Sophie said, looking over at Buck. Buck smiled a little and huffed out a little breath. 

“I was here for such a short time,” Buck said, playing with his hands. “Barely three months, can you believe that? And yet...I’m so grateful that Ray gave me that flyer. Because I needed this place. Like everyone else, I was looking for something and Haven Acres helped me find it. I know who I am again because of this place.”

“And who’s that?” Sophie asked, moving over to him. Buck smiled and scooped her up with his free hand. 

“Well small fry,” Buck started, the smile still on his face. “I found out that I’m a person who helps, no matter what. Whether it’s strangers or my family, I always help. It’s just who I am.”

“Here here,” Lucy said with a nod. She held up her cup and everyone followed suit. “To Haven Acres, the first. Thank you for everything.”

“Here here!” They all cheered. There were smiles and chuckles as they drank the sparkling cider. Buck glanced at Lucy, thinking over something she said.

“You called it Haven Acres the first.” Lucy smiled.

“Caught that, huh?” Buck nodded. “Like I said, I didn’t buy this place intending for it to become what it did. But then it did and god it was amazing. So, in the right city, with the right work, the idea of Haven Acres could help a lot of people. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to find a place for Haven Acres II, a safe haven for everyone.”

“And I go where she goes!” Everyone laughed at Sophie’s very obvious statement. 

“Well boss lady,” Max said with a smile. “If you’re finding a new home for such a beautiful idea, then you’re going to need your desk guy.”

“Really?” Lucy asked, a soft smile on her face. 

“I’m not getting off this ride anytime soon.” Lucy crossed to Max and pulled him in a hug. “Like I said, I’ll try for as long as I can to express my gratitude.” Lucy nodded, pulling away. Max glanced at Thomas and Lindsay, who were exchanging a look. “What about you two? Or three really. What comes next for the Abernathy-Miller family?”

“We sort of talked this over at the hospital,” Thomas said. “And we were thinking...we wanted to try…”

“We’re going back to Alabama,” Lindsay said. Buck raised an eyebrow at that. “We’re hoping that if our families see us together with Evie, see that we’re married and happy, that maybe they can be happy for us. And I want my sister to meet her niece.”

“You’re not scared it won’t work out?” Max asked. 

“Terrified,” Thomas said. “But as long as we have each other, we’ll be okay. Right darling?”

“Right,” Lindsay said, smiling at Thomas. “And we’ll keep in touch.”

“You always have a home with us,” Lucy said, pulling Lindsay into a hug. “No matter what happens, you can always come find us.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Lindsay said hugging her back. Buck watched them with a smile.

“And what about you, Buck?” Thomas asked when Lucy pulled away from Lindsay. “What’s your plan?” Buck sighed and shrugged. He didn’t have an answer to that. He knew he could go with Lucy, Sophie, and Max. Hell, Lucy would probably love that. And while he would love to see what Haven Acres II was like, he didn’t know if he needed that right now. 

No, there was something else he needed. Lucy seemed to understand his unspoken words and simply pulled him into a hug. 

“You deserve it,” She whispered to him. And he just smiled and hugged her back. 

“Group hug!” Thomas hollered. Everyone laughed as they were pulled into a big hug, both Thomas and Buck carefully of the children in their arms. 

Wherever they ended up, they all knew they would always have each other. And that was enough.

* * *

Eddie sighed as he sat on the couch. The TV was playing, but he wasn’t watching. He had come home from work a few hours ago, but wasn’t tired. He had figured after a long day of work and then dad duty, that he would want to fall asleep. But he just couldn’t sleep. 

So, he had decided to put the TV on. If anything, the noise was distracting him from the constant noise in his head. He wasn’t brooding about Buck as much, but he still missed him. No one had heard from him outside of Maddie. According to her, he was okay, but Eddie still had this nervous twist in his gut.

And then he heard a knock on the door. 

He groaned and leaned his head back, wondering what annoying neighbor could be bothering him at almost midnight. He turned the TV, letting the room fall into darkness. Maybe, they would go away. 

But then there was another knock. 

Something told Eddie to get up and go to the door. So, with a grunt as he pulled himself off the couch, he walked towards the door. He sighed before pulling open the door. 

His eyes widened as he stared at Buck. 

“Hey Eds.” Eddie stared at him, feeling like he couldn’t form a coherent thought. Buck was standing at his door. Buck was there. “Can I come in?” Eddie just nodded and let him in. He closed the door, still staring at Buck, a million different emotions running through him. 

Buck stood there, fidgeting with his hands and observing Eddie carefully. Eddie swallowed, trying to come up with something to say. Did he remind Buck what he said during the fire? Did he ask Buck if he was okay? Did he kiss him?

“What are you doing here?” He mentally cursed himself because that was just about the last thing he needed to ask. Why did it matter why Buck was there? Buck was there. That was all he had wanted for the last week. And yet, he could only stare at Buck.

“Did you mean it?” Buck didn’t answer Eddie’s question, which he was eternally grateful for. Eddie furrowed his brows for a second, not sure what Buck meant. “When you said you loved me? Did you mean it?” Eddie felt like his heart was racing when Buck asked him that. It was clear Buck didn’t believe him, didn’t believe those words. He couldn’t blame him. He had said it at the worst time. Eddie took a step towards Buck, taking a breath.

“Of course I did. I love you Buck.” He felt a weight lift off his chest. Buck smiled and closed the space between them. Eddie bit his lip, watching Buck. And Buck just gave him a simple nod. Eddie smiled before capturing his lips in a kiss, his hands cradling Buck’s face. Buck melted towards him, his arms landing at Eddie’s waist. Eddie pulled away, letting his forehead rest against Buck’s. “I love you Buck. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

“I love you too,” Buck murmured before kissing Eddie again. Eddie felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. This was right. This was how it was meant to be, how they were meant to be. Eddie looked up at Buck’s blue eyes, realizing that so much of Buck left him absolutely breathless. And Buck just smiled. 

“Stay?”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” And then they were kissing again, a sense of peace settling between the two of them.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I needed to make sure this was real. That this was happening.”

Buck took a long breath in as his eyes slowly opened. It took him a moment to remember where he was. But then he felt an arm wrapped around him, keeping him close. He smiled to himself rolling over slightly. Eddie was still asleep, a calm look across his face. Eddie had asked him to stay and Buck had done so because he wanted to. They hadn’t done anything more than kiss before curling up into bed with each other, but it still made Buck blush a little.

He reached his hand out, needing to make sure that this was real. When he had left months ago, he had never expected this. He had expected Eddie to hate him forever, to keep treating him like he was invisible. But here they were, together. Buck’s hand gently ran up the arm that wasn’t wrapped around him, his fingers dipping in and out of the grooves of muscles. 

Eddie made a little noise and Buck’s hand stopped. He glanced at Eddie, checking to see if he was still asleep.

“Don’t stop,” Eddie muttered. “Felt nice.” Buck chuckled, but let his hand go back to mapping Eddie’s arms. Eddie’s eyes slowly opened and Buck felt his heart beat a little faster, seeing the adoring gaze on Eddie’s face. 

“Morning.”

“Do you always wake people up this way?” Eddie asked, a sleepiness to his voice.

“Just the cute ones.” Eddie blushed a little at that. “And I needed to make sure this was real. That this was happening.” Eddie smiled before leaning over and kissing Buck. Buck sighed into the kiss, a smile crossing his face. Eddie pulled away and Buck let his hand cradle Eddie’s face. “We should probably talk.” Eddie sighed, but nodded.

Buck moved so that he was sitting up, leaning against the wall. Eddie lifted himself so that his head was resting on hand, watching Buck.

“So Haven Acres?” Eddie asked. 

“Gone,” Buck said with a sad smile. “We all said goodbye before going our separate ways. Thomas and Lindsay went back home. Lucy, Sophie, and Max are actually looking for a place for a second Haven Acres, but they have to pick a city first.”

“And you’re here,” Eddie said, looking up at Buck. Buck nodded. “Does anyone else know you’re in LA?”

“I came here first.” Eddie’s heart swelled at that. “Maddie might be pissed, but I needed to talk to you.”

“I’m glad you did.” Buck smiled and Eddie just wanted to kiss him until he was breathless. He was considering doing that when he heard the faint tapping of Christopher’s crutches. “And I know someone else who will be glad to see you.” He got up and opened the door, just as Christopher made his way there. 

“Morning daddy,” Christopher said. 

“Morning mijo,” Eddie said with a smile. “I actually have a surprise.” Christopher tilted his head and Eddie stepped aside. Christopher’s eyes lit up and Eddie’s smile grew. 

“Buck!”

“Superman!” Buck got up as Christopher crossed to him. He scooped the boy up into a hug, Christopher giggling loudly. “Hey buddy.” Eddie leaned in the doorway, just watching them. 

“Can you make us breakfast?” Christopher asked. “Daddy just does cereal on school days.” Buck looked at Eddie who just rolled his eyes playfully.

“Tell you what,” Buck said, a broad smile on his face. “How about you two do your normal morning routine and I’ll whip something up for you?”

“Sounds like a pretty fair deal,” Eddie said with a smile. Christopher cheered and quickly pulled himself out of Buck’s arms and out of the room. “You don’t have to do anything too crazy, just so you know.”

“What if I want to spoil my Diaz boys?” Eddie beamed at that, his heart jumping at Buck referring to himself and Christopher as ‘his’. It felt so right. “I’m going to take a quick shower first, if that’s okay.”

“More than okay,” Eddie said as Buck stood up. “And help yourself to some clothes, since it seems like you just came with that outfit.”

“Thanks.” And then Buck stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips. Eddie smiled, wanting to pull him closer and fall back into the bed. 

“Daddy!”

“Duty calls,” Buck said, nudging Eddie towards the door. Eddie chuckled and nodded before leaving the room. And when he was gone, Buck just smiled, before heading towards the bathroom.

* * *

Eddie watched Buck as they pulled up to the station. Buck had asked Eddie if he could ride with him to the station, to see everyone. Buck had been his normal chatty self in the car, especially when Christopher had been with them. But after they dropped Christopher off and got closer to the station, Eddie had noticed that Buck had grown quieter. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Eddie asked. Buck looked at Eddie and Eddie couldn’t help but notice the uncertain look fall across his face. Eddie reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. “You don’t have to.”

“I need to,” Buck said. “This place...I’m not upset by it anymore. I know who I am now.” Eddie nodded and then they got out of the car. He noticed Buck sigh a little staring at the building. 

“Buckaroo!” The uncertain look fell away when he saw Hen, a relieved smile on her face. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you. She pulled him into a hug and he smiled. “I’m not going to lie, I was pretty worried.”

“Yeah I figured everyone was.” She let go and they headed into the station. Chimney and Bobby were standing by one of the trucks. Chimney was mid-sentence but stopped when he saw Buck.

“Maddie didn’t mention that you were here,” Chimney said, crossing to Buck. He pulled the taller blonde into a hug and Buck chuckled. 

“She doesn’t know,” Buck said and Chimney scoffed. “Yeah, don’t tell her. I’m going to see her after this.” Chimney nodded and stepped away. Buck looked at Bobby, who just offered him a nod and a smile. 

“So, how long are you in town for?” Hen asked. “Because I’d love to have you over for dinner.”

“About that,” Buck said, a small smile on his face. “This...this isn’t a visit. I’m back. For good.” Eddie watched as relieved smiles crossed everyone’s face. “When I left I needed to figure out who I was again and I did. And yeah, it sucks that Haven Acres is gone but I think I was ready to come home anyways.”

“That’s really good to hear,” Bobby said and Buck nodded. “And I meant what I said Buck, you always have a home here.” 

“That’s actually why I came here this morning,” Buck said, a nervous energy swirling through him. “I, uh, was hoping I could come back to work. I mean, I know I’ll have to go through a recertification process since I resigned but-” Eddie could tell Buck was going to keep rambling, as he often did when he was nervous. But Bobby cut him off.

“No,” Bobby said. “Buck, you’ve proven yourself time and time again. I’ll talk to the chief.” Buck stared at Bobby in disbelief as the other three members of the team smiled.

“Really?”

“You deserve to be back at work with your family.” A wide grin crossed Buck’s face and he nodded. 

“Group hug!” Chimney shouted. Hen grabbed Bobby and Eddie and pulled them towards Buck. Eddie just laughed as he was pulled in. He looked at Buck, who was laughing, the grin still on his face. Maybe he had been nervous when they pulled up to the station, but it was clear from the look on his face that was glad he did. 

* * *

Everyone had dispersed from their group hug, Hen needing to get ready and Bobby going work on breakfast. Before Chimney had walked away, Buck had asked him not to say anything to Maddie, to which Chimney just shrugged with a smirk. 

That just left Buck and Eddie.

“You probably need to get ready,” Buck said, the smile still on his face. Eddie nodded. “Think it’ll be long before I’m back out there with you?”

“Knowing Bobby? No.” Buck nodded, feeling a happiness he hadn’t felt in Los Angeles in a long time. “So, you said you need to go see Maddie?”

“Yeah, I was going to call a cab.” Eddie shook his head and handed Buck his keys.

“Take my truck,” Eddie said. “I don’t need it while I’m at work and I can get someone to give me a ride later.”

“You sure?” Eddie nodded and Buck played with the keys in his hand.

“You’re good right?” Eddie asked. Buck thought about that. He had been nervous this morning, worried that he was going to slip back into who he was before he left. But he didn’t feel that way. He felt light, happy, and like he had control of his own life.

“I am,” Buck said. “I thought coming back to LA that I wouldn’t be, but I am.”

“Thank goodness for Haven Acres then.” Buck chuckled at that, a fond smile on his face. “You know, I really want to kiss you right now.”

“But you don’t want to deal with Hen and Chimney’s teasing?” Eddie chuckled, but nodded. “We’ll figure all that out later. Right now, you have a job to do.”

“Can’t wait until you have my back out there again.”

“Me too.” They just smiled at each other until Hen cleared her throat as she exited the locker room. “We’re not subtle, huh?”

“Guess not.” Buck smiled, feeling like a giddy high-schooler with a crush. But this wasn’t a crush. He loved Eddie and Eddie loved him back. Whatever they were or what the label was, it didn’t really matter when he knew that.

“Be safe out there.” Eddie nodded, squeezing Buck’s arm as he walked past him towards the locker room. Buck took a second and looked around the station, with a smile. 

It felt like his life over the last six months had been a fight to find a middle ground between Firefighter Buckley and Buck at Haven Acres. But now? Now, he felt like he could bring those two pieces together. Now, he felt like he could be whole. He could help people and not get lost in the job. 

He could be himself. 

With that thought, he headed out of the station, the smile still on his face.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh thank god,” Maddie said, before all but flinging herself onto her brother for a hug. “I know you said you were okay, but I was so worried.” Buck chuckled but she felt him hug her back. After a few moments, Maddie pulled away and pulled Buck into her apartment. “I have so many questions.”

Maddie didn’t expect a lot for her day off. Chimney was working a twenty-four hour shift, but had asked about coming over for a late dinner or just dessert depending on if he got held up at work. But it meant Maddie had no plans for most of the day. She had considered getting a manicure or going grocery shopping or even texting Josh to see if he wanted to grab lunch. 

But all that went out the window when there was a knock at her door. 

She stared at the door for a second, slightly paranoid. She had overly vetted her apartment complex when she moved in, so paranoid and frightened because of what had been going on in her life. Most of that paranoia had filtered away, thanks to many hours of therapy, but she still didn’t love the idea of someone showing up at her door unannounced. So, she looked through the peephole before opening the door. 

When she saw who it was, she flung the door open.

“Oh thank god,” Maddie said, before all but flinging herself onto her brother for a hug. “I know you said you were okay, but I was so worried.” Buck chuckled but she felt him hug her back. After a few moments, Maddie pulled away and pulled Buck into her apartment. “I have so many questions.”

“I figured.” She nodded over to the sofa and the siblings sat down.

“When did you get in?” Maddie asked. 

“Don’t be mad.” Maddie eyed him. “Last night.”

“Last night?” Maddie asked, confusion in her voice. “Why didn’t you call me? Where did you even stay?” Buck blushed a little and Maddie nodded. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ve seen Eddie.”

“Technically I’ve seen almost everyone?” Maddie smacked his arm. “Ow!”

“I’m your sister!” Buck just smirked and Maddie huffed, but a playful smile crossed her face. “So, let’s start with Eddie and why you went to see him last night.” Buck narrowed his eyes and Maddie and she smirked. 

“What do you know?” 

“He told me about his little confession in the middle of the fire at Haven Acres.” Buck sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. “So, I have to assume you went to his house for a good reason.”

“I had to know if he meant it.” Maddie nodded and Buck continued. “I was so caught up in everything with the fire and needing to make sure Lucy and Sophie were okay that I couldn’t totally process what he said.”

“And then you processed it.”

“It was all I wanted to hear from him,” Buck said. “So I just needed to know that it was real, that he meant it.”

“And?” Maddie asked, a small smile on her face. Buck smiled and Maddie’s smile grew. “Oh Buck, I’m so happy for you.”

“I don’t really know what we are,” Buck said. “We haven’t fully talked about it yet. This morning we were going to and then Christopher was up and we couldn’t really finish the conversation.”

“I don’t want to pressure you to talk about that,” Maddie said. “And also, I have more pressing questions. You’re here, in LA.”

“I went to the station to get my job back.” Maddie pulled him into a hug. “I guess that answers your question?”

“It sure does.” And she hugged Buck a little tighter, a smile spreading across her face.

* * *

Buck ended up spending most of the day with Maddie. She hadn’t had plans for her day off, so he helped her go grocery shopping and do some cooking. But after a few hours, he decided to head back to Eddie’s. He did need to return Eddie’s truck, but he also just felt like the Diaz household was where he needed to be. He also didn’t have his own place anymore and he felt like going to Eddie's was less weird than crashing his sister’s date with Chimney.

He parked the car in the driveway, seeing Carla’s car on the street. He smiled making his way up to the door and poking his head inside. 

“Carla?”

“In here!” He walked in, closing the door behind him. He found her in the kitchen, that fond smile she always wore on her face. “A little birdie told me that you were back in town.” Buck smirked. “Come here.” She pulled him into a hug and Buck’s smirk melted to a smile. 

“I’m assuming that birdie is Christopher?” Carla chuckled and nodded. “Where is he?”

“Doing homework in his room,” Carla said. “He was very excitedly telling me about this morning and the breakfast you cooked and the surprise of finding you in his dad’s room this morning.” Carla sent him a knowing look and Buck blushed. “Mhmm.”

“Why are we friends again?” Carla tsked at him and Buck chuckled. “We’re figuring some things out.”

“Just as long as you’re happy,” Carla said. “You deserve it, Buckaroo.”

“Thanks Carla.” She smiled and nodded. “You know, I can stay here with Christopher if you want to cut out early.” Carla smiled and was about to say something when they heard Christopher making his way towards the kitchen. 

“Hey Superman.” Christopher grinned widely seeing Buck. Buck scooped him up, earning a giggle from the boy. “I was just trying to convince Carla to let us hang out, just the two of us until your dad got home.”

“And I was going to tell him that I’m more than happy to take him up on that, once Christopher was done with his math homework.” Buck laughed.

“I just finished it!” 

“Well then I guess I should leave you in very capable hands,” Carla said. “You’ll let Eddie know?”

“Yep.” Carla smiled and grabbed her stuff. “Go enjoy an afternoon with your husband.”

“I sure will,” Carla said, patting Buck’s arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow Christopher.”

“Bye Carla!” When she was gone, Buck looked over at Christopher and he grinned at him.

“Let’s take a picture for your dad before you keep working on that homework.” Christopher nodded and Buck took out his phone. They both grinned as Buck snapped a quick selfie. He set Christopher down as he quickly sent the picture. “Alright superman, why don’t you bring your homework in here and we can figure out what to do for dinner.”

“Can we make pizza?”

“I’ll have to see if you guys have all the right ingredients for it,” Buck said with a smile. “You grab your homework and I’ll look, okay?” Christopher nodded and headed out of the kitchen. Buck let out a content sigh. This felt right; being in Eddie’s house, spending time with Christopher, getting back to work. It all felt right. It all made him happy. And that was the most important thing.

He smiled to himself before setting out to find the ingredients for dinner.

* * *

Eddie made his way towards the door of his house, a long sigh escaping past his lips. Bobby had given him a ride home since he had lent Buck his truck. He already knew Buck was at his house, based on the picture he had received a few hours ago, something that he couldn’t stop smiling about for the rest of the shift. 

He knew they needed to talk; about what they were, what they wanted from each other, and how things were going to work when they were both back at work. But he also was content to be just truly happy for a little while longer. 

He walked in, being quickly hit with a wonderful aroma. He smiled, already knowing that Buck had cooked. Whatever he had made smelled delicious and Eddie was thanking Lucy for having Buck cook three meals a day for the duration of his time at Haven Acres. He closed the door and was going to go in search of food when he heard something coming from the living room. He followed the sounds and smiled at what he saw. 

Buck and Christopher were sitting on the couch, Christopher pressed against Buck’s side. Christopher was happily talking about the movie on screen, Buck smiling at what Christopher was saying. He thought about telling them he was home, but he just wanted to observe them a little while longer. So he leaned against the wall and just watched.

“Hey Buck?” Christopher’s observations about the movie stopped and Buck glanced at the boy. “Are you just visiting or are you here to stay?” He noticed Buck smile and pull Christopher in for a hug.

“I’m here to stay, buddy.” Christopher just hugged him back and Eddie was sure his son was smiling. Buck must’ve sensed someone was watching him because he looked up, locking eyes with Eddie. And Eddie just smiled because the person he loved was sticking around. Buck nodded to him and Eddie walked over to the couch. Christopher barely glanced away from Buck before pulling his dad closer to them. Eddie chuckled but hugged his son, looking up at Buck. He felt his heart swell with such love that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

He didn’t know exactly what he and Buck were, but as long as he had moments like this, the labels didn’t really matter.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was his first day back at the 118. 
> 
> As Eddie predicted, Bobby convinced the chief pretty quickly to reinstate Buck. He’d been back in LA less than a week. In that time, he had accumulated more clothes and spent time with everyone while they were off shift. But the whole time, he was terrified about going back to work. His last days at the 118 had been so awful and he didn’t want to backslide. 

“Wake up sleepyhead.” Buck hummed as he felt a hand gently caressing his face. He smiled a little, slowly opening his eyes. He expected to find Eddie still lying next to him. But he was standing, already dressed for work. Buck sat up quickly and Eddie chuckled. 

“What time is it?” Buck grumbled, slightly confused. 

“Seven,” Eddie said. Buck nearly tumbled out of the bed and Eddie grabbed his shoulders. “Easy, we still have an hour until work.”

“Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” Buck asked. 

“Because I know you spent most of the night tossing and turning.” Buck shrugged, trying to play that off. “Go take a quick shower. You have enough time.” Buck just nodded and headed towards the bathroom. 

He had been tossing and turning the night before and he had hoped that that hadn’t woken Eddie. But his brain had been running a mile a minute last night. It was still now. 

Today was his first day back at the 118. 

As Eddie predicted, Bobby convinced the chief pretty quickly to reinstate Buck. He’d been back in LA less than a week. In that time, he had accumulated more clothes and spent time with everyone while they were off shift. But the whole time, he was terrified about going back to work. His last days at the 118 had been so awful and he didn’t want to backslide. 

But then he remembered everything he had been through at Haven Acres, about everything he had learned about himself. So, he took a deep breath and set about getting ready for the day. 

Fifteen minutes after Eddie woke him up, Buck was finally making his way to the kitchen. He could hear Eddie and Christopher’s voices flowing down the hallway. He smiled, loving that he got to wake up to those two most days (as long as Eddie wasn’t at work in the morning). It felt like home and that made him happy. Of course, a nagging feeling told him he and Eddie hadn’t actually talked about if he was living there officially. He knew they needed to have that chat, but he also wanted to remain blissfully ignorant for a few days longer. 

“Morning Diaz boys,” Buck said as he walked into the kitchen. Christopher just smiled from the kitchen table. Buck walked over to Eddie who handed him a mug of coffee. “I still don’t know how you managed to get up and not wake me.”

“Woke up before the alarm,” Eddie said. “Besides, I figured you could use the extra hour.” Buck just nodded. “Are you nervous about today?”

“Kind of,” Buck said with a sigh. “I know I can do my job and I know Bobby trusts me. It’s more just being back there. What if I start backsliding? What if, even after months of finally learning who I am, I just slip back into being Firefighter Buckley with nothing outside of those four walls.”

“You won’t,” Eddie said. “Buck you’re not the same guy. Haven Acres, it helped you grow. And as much as I hated you not being here, I know that you needed that journey of self-discovery and that it made you stronger. You’re not going to backslide.” Buck sighed. “What would Lucy or anyone from Haven Acres say if you told them this?”

“Lucy would tell me to stop worrying,” Buck said, a small smile on his face. “She’d tell me to talk about what I’m feeling, when I’m ready, and be supportive but remind me that I have nothing to worry about.”

“Well I’m no Lucy,” Eddie began. “But I can do that for you Buck. I can be that supportive person and listen when you need it. I’ve got your back.” Buck smiled, putting the coffee cup down. He glanced over at Christopher, who was reading a book at the table. He then glanced back at Eddie and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Letting me sleep in and being supportive?” Buck asked with a smile. “How’d I get so lucky?” Eddie smiled and took Buck’s hand, running his thumb along Buck’s knuckles.

“I got lucky because you decided to come back,” Eddie said quietly. “I’ll do whatever I can to show you that I’ll support you through anything.” Buck just stared at him, an adoring look crossing his face. There weren’t labels on what they were yet, but hearing those words from Eddie, knowing that Eddie wanted to be by his side and support him, well that was better than anything. 

“Alright,” Eddie said, clearing his throat and glancing at Christopher. “I think someone needs to get to school.”

“Come on Superman,” Buck said, helping Christopher put the book in his bag. “You’ve got your book report for today?”

“Yep!” Buck smiled and glanced at Eddie who was just watching him with a loving gaze. It made Buck’s heart flutter, even after sleeping in the same bed with him every day for the last week. “Hey Buck, since it’s you’re going back to be a firefighter today, can I do something?” Buck tilted his head but nodded. He squatted down in front of Christopher as the boy raised his hand. He then proceeded to tap Buck’s head and then tap Buck’s chest a few times, across the center and back and forth. Buck tilted his head in confusion and glanced at Eddie.

“It’s the cross,” Eddie said, a small smile on his face. 

“Abuela does it anytime she sees daddy before work,” Christopher explained. “She says it keeps him safe. And I want you to be safe today.” Buck smiled and pulled Christopher into a hug. 

“Thanks buddy.”

“Alright come on you two,” Eddie said as Buck stood up. “We don’t want Buck to be late for his first day back.”

“Like you’d let that happen,” Buck said with a smirk as they grabbed their things and headed out of the house, Christopher in front of them. 

“LA traffic is an untamable beast,” Eddie said. “And I know how you get if you can’t have Bobby’s scrambled eggs as soon as they’re out of the pan.” Eddie helped Christopher into the truck and then turned to Buck.

“He’s the best,” Buck said and Eddie smiled. “You both are.”

“Part of our charm,” Eddie said with a smirk. “Now, come on.” Buck just nodded, a smile on his face as they got into the truck and headed on their way.

* * *

“Gee, where’s the fire Eds?” Eddie was practically pushing him into the station. They were more than a few minutes early and Buck had wanted to take a moment before going inside. But Eddie had insisted going in right away, saying Buck could get first dibs on breakfast. Eddie had been acting a bit strange since he had received a text right after dropping Christopher off. 

“What are you, my abuela?” Eddie huffed, walking into the station with Buck. Buck rolled his eyes but chuckled. He was about to head towards the locker room when Eddie kept pushing him towards the stairs. 

“Eddie what are-” He stopped mid-sentence when he saw it. 

_Welcome Back!_ It read in bold and colorful letters. He felt his eyes tear up a little seeing the banner. Months ago, when he had first come back to work, that banner had been all he wanted. He remembered the multiple parties they had when Chimney came back. All he had wanted was some recognition from his family that he was home. 

And he finally got it. 

“There he is!” He looked away from the banner as Hen and Chimney approached. 

“Did you guys-” Buck glanced at the banner and then back at Hen and Chimney who smiled conspiratorially. 

“It was Bobby and Eddie’s idea,” Chimney said. “But of course Eddie couldn’t help since you’re staying with him.”

“I made sure the guest of honor got here,” Eddie quipped and Chimney rolled his eyes. Buck just stared at all of them, a watery smile on his face. “I told you he’d love it.”

“You haven’t even noticed the best parts yet,” Hen said. Buck raised an eyebrow and she pointed back at the banner. He realized he had missed a line. 

_Buck: 4, Death: 0_

“Four?” Buck asked. 

“Well there was the ladder truck,” Chimney began. “And then the pulmonary embolism. And then the tsunami. And then the wildfire.” Buck just nodded, a smirk on his face. “I wanted to put an infinity sign, but Eddie said he’d kill me if I did.”

“Just because you think he has nine lives, doesn’t mean I want to chance it,” Eddie said, sending Chimney a look. “And I think Maddie would agree with me.”

“Oh that was cold,” Hen said with a chuckle. 

“If you’re all done down there.” They all looked up, seeing Athena at the balcony. “My husband did not slave over a hot stove for you three to keep the guest of honor from breakfast.” Buck smiled. “Hey Buckaroo.”

“Hey Athena.” He glanced at the others. “Guess I should get changed quickly.”

“Definitely,” Hen said. “Bobby made a spread that you’re going to go crazy for.” Buck just nodded with a smile before heading into the locker room. Eddie followed him, since they both needed to put on their uniforms. Buck ducked behind one of the set of lockers, setting his bag down. 

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked, peering around the lockers. 

“Well I really want breakfast,” Buck said. He looked around, noting that the locker room was empty before leaning towards Eddie. “And I kind of feel like I won’t make it upstairs if I change in front of you.” Eddie’s ears flushed and Buck ducked back behind where he was hidden.

“You’re a menace.” Buck just laughed, quickly putting his uniform on. When he finally stepped into the center of the locker room, Eddie was lacing up his boots. 

“Just so you know,” Buck said as Eddie stood up. “The only menace I know is Sophie.”

“You could give that kid a run for her money.” Buck laughed. “Have you heard from them?”

“Yesterday,” Buck said. “They’re in San Francisco right now. Lucy and Max are still looking into places for Haven Acres II.” They headed out of the locker room and up the stairs. “Max apparently thinks San Francisco would be a good place, but Lucy isn’t so sure.” His eyes widened when they reached the top of the stairs, seeing all the food on the counter. 

“What?” He turned as Athena approached them. “You thought I was kidding?” Buck just shrugged, a sheepish smile on his face as Athena pulled him into a hug. “Only the best for you Buckaroo.”

“Thanks Athena.”

“Oh don’t thank me,” Athena said, stepping back. “This was all Bobby. I didn’t even get to crack an egg.” She went over to the table, taking her usual seat as Buck just stared at the mass of food. 

“This is what we should’ve done months ago.” Eddie was no longer next to him, now replaced by Bobby. “This is what you needed. Not that crap I pulled. Welcome back Buck.” Buck just smiled, so many emotions flowing through him. Happiness, gratitude, elation. But mostly, mostly he was overcome with the feeling of being home. 

“Thanks Bobby.” And his captain just smiled before nodding to the table. So Buck took his regular seat, right next to Eddie, and began piling food on his plate, the smile on his face not leaving anytime soon.

* * *

“So Buckaroo.” Buck smiled as Athena approached him. Eddie and Bobby were cleaning dishes and pans while Hen and Chimney put the leftovers away. “How does it feel to be home?”

“Really, really good.” She smiled and nodded. “And thank you for being here.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Buck smiled at that. “So, all those kids from Haven Acres, they’re okay?”

“Yeah they’re okay,” Buck said. “Thomas and Lindsay, the ones that got married, they just got back to Alabama. I’m hoping it goes well for them but I know Lucy told Lindsay she could come back to them at a moment’s notice.”

“And Lucy and her adorable daughter?”

“Looking for a new place for Haven Acres,” Buck said. “Max is helping her.”

“And you didn’t want to?” Athena asked. “I know you said that place was important to you.” Buck sighed. When Lucy had told him she was going to build a second Haven Acres, he had momentarily considered joining her. But he didn’t know where Lucy was going to end up. 

And he knew where he was meant to be.

“It was,” Buck said. “And I’ll always be grateful for the few months I spent there. But I figured it all out, I figured myself out. And there was no question where I needed to go once I realized that.” His eyes swept over everyone in the kitchen and smiled.

“And Eddie?” Buck glanced back at Athena, a surprised look on his face.

“What about him?” Buck asked, feeling his ears heat up. Buck glanced over at Eddie, who seemed to feel his eyes on him and looked up. Eddie simply smiled at him and Buck felt his heart leap.

“Mhmm.” Buck looked back at Athena, an embarrassed look on his face. “I figured something was going on there when he drove all that distance to see you.”

“You did too!”

“Because your sister was concerned and because finding people is part of my job,” Athena pointed out. “What’s his excuse?” Buck just blushed harder and Athena chuckled. “It’s really good to have you home, Buckaroo.”

“It’s good to be home.” She smiled and then headed over to where the others were.

He watched them all for a second, Bobby pulling Athena in to his side, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, Athena smiling at that. Chimney was cracking a joke, earning an eye roll and smile from Hen. Eddie was standing with his arms crossed and an amused look on his face at whatever Chimney was saying. But when he saw Buck watching them, he left the group, walking over to where Buck was. 

“You good?” Eddie asked. Buck smiled and nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Eddie watched him for a second. “Really, Eds, I promise. This was great. Honestly, this was everything I wanted when I first came back to work. So thank you for arranging this with Bobby.”

“Oh, this was just part one.” Buck raised an eyebrow at that. “This is just your welcome back to work party. There’s still a welcome home party.”

“Eds.”

“It’s tomorrow evening when everyone is off,” Eddie said, not letting Buck speak. “Because Christopher wants to celebrate you being home and Maddie couldn’t be here because of work and Athena loves hosting at her house so we might as well have a big party with everyone and the kids and all their significant others.” Buck just stared at him, a little shocked by all of that.

“But why?”

“Because we all missed you,” Eddie said simply. “And we’re going to say it a lot but we’re all really glad you’re home. Christopher and I especially.” Buck smiled at that. “Now come on.” Eddie tugged his arm and Buck followed, the smile not wiping off his face. 

Why should it? He was home and everyone was making sure he knew how happy they were that he was back.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I mean, how did they even do that?”
> 
> “I’ll call Thomas and ask,” Buck said and Eddie chuckled. “I feel like he might know.” Eddie was about to say something, when a voice interrupted them. 
> 
> “Buck!” Buck spun towards the door, hearing a familiar voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! The final chapter! Thank you to everyone who has read along with or binged this story or just checked in here and there. I am eternally grateful for all your kind words! Thank you again and enjoy!

“I still can’t believe someone started a fire with a body spray and a water bottle.” Eddie and Buck were standing near the front of the station, finishing up cleaning one of the trucks. It was nearing the end of his first shift back and it had gone pretty perfectly. 

It had, so far, been a pretty easy shift for Buck. Calls had been all over the place and after the first one and some nerves, everything felt normal. 

After coming back from their last call, Bobby had instructed Buck and Eddie to clean one of the trucks, which they were trying to do. If they kept getting distracted by the other and trying not to stare, that was their business. 

“Yeah that was pretty wild,” Buck said with a smirk. 

“I mean, how did they even do that?”

“I’ll call Thomas and ask,” Buck said and Eddie chuckled. “I feel like he might know.” Eddie was about to say something, when a voice interrupted them. 

“Buck!” Buck spun towards the door, hearing a familiar voice. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Sophie running into the station, a big smile on her face. The look of surprise melted away to a smile as he scooped her up. 

“Small fry!” Sophie giggled, hugging him. “What are you doing here? And where’s your mom?”

“Right here.” He spotted Lucy walking in. “She’s fast for her size and I’m still moving slow.” Buck just smiled, seeing her. “What? No hug for me?”

“Shut up,” Buck said before pulling Lucy into a hug. She stepped away but Buck kept Sophie in his arms, the little girl more than happy to stay where she was. “What are you guys doing here? And where’s Max?”

“Doing an errand for me as always,” Lucy said. “And as for what we’re doing here…”

“Tell him mommy.” Buck looked at Sophie, who was grinning, and then back at Lucy.

“Tell me what?” Lucy just smirked. 

“Well, I told you we were looking for a place for Haven Acres II,” Lucy began. “And I think we found it.” Buck looked at Lucy, confusion running across his face. 

“It takes him a second,” Eddie said and Lucy snorted a little. Buck looked at the three of them, wondering what he was missing. 

And then it clicked.

“Here?” Lucy just nodded. “Why?’

“Well, it’s a great city,” Lucy began. “And there’s some really great places that are off the beaten path that we could really build on to replicate what we had. And, I feel like there are people here who might need a place like Haven Acres.” Buck just nodded and Lucy smiled. “Besides, someone close to me thinks this city is pretty worthwhile.” Buck’s look of confusion melted away into a smile. 

“So Haven Acres II is going to be here?” Buck asked and Lucy nodded. “You and Sophie and Max, you’re all going to be here?”

“That’s the plan. Though, I will need to find a good school for Sophie.” Buck glanced at Eddie who smirked.

“I know a good one,” Eddie said. “If you trust me, that is.”

“Well, Buck trusts you, so I trust you.”

“I’m going to have to remember this moment,” Buck said. “The day you two got along.” Lucy rolled her eyes playfully and Eddie chuckled. “Wow, you’re really doing this, huh?”

“If I can help a few more people like Thomas or Lindsay or even you,” Lucy said. “It’s worth it. And if you ever happen to find yourself with some free time once we’re up and running and you want to help cook or just hang out, that would be fine.”

“What? You thought you could move to my city and not have me around?” Lucy smiled. “Your mom’s silly small fry.” Sophie giggled. 

“Well what do we have here?” Chimney, Hen, and Bobby were making their way over, seeing Lucy and Sophie.

“You guys remember Lucy and Sophie, right?” Buck asked with a smile. 

“How could we forget?” Hen asked with a kind smile. “You two doing alright?”

“We’re doing great!” Sophie said excitedly. “We were just telling Buck how we’re moving here.”

“When I told Sophie we were moving here,” Lucy began, a smirk on her face. “She asked, no demanded, that she have a playdate with Christopher and Denny immediately.” Sophie tried to look innocent, but Buck tickled her stomach, earning a squealing giggle from the girl. Hen just smiled and glanced at Eddie. 

“I think that can be arranged,” Eddie said and Lucy nodded gratefully. He glanced at Bobby who gave him a nod. “Actually, we’re having a welcome home party for Buck tonight, if you two want to come.” Buck looked a little surprised and glanced at Bobby and Eddie. 

“My wife and I always make too much food,” Bobby said. “And my step-son is around Sophie’s age.” Lucy glanced at Buck who shrugged, but there was a grin on his face. 

“He’s the one that taught you to cook right?” Lucy asked Buck, pointing at Bobby. Buck just nodded in affirmation, earning a smile from Bobby. “Oh, then we’re definitely in.”

“I’ll let Athena know,” Bobby said. “Buck can give you the address.”

“They’re three Bobby,” Buck said. “Max is with them too.” Bobby nodded before heading towards his office.

“Denny will be very excited to get to see you, Sophie,” Hen said with a smile. “Come on Chim, we’ve got an ambulance to restock.” Chimney nodded, following Hen. 

“So,” Buck said, a huge grin on his face. “You guys want a tour of the station?”

“Yeah!” Sophie cheered and Buck nodded, turning to start. He glanced at Lucy. 

“You coming?”

“In a second,” Lucy said. Buck noticed her glance at Eddie and he nodded before carrying Sophie away. He was a little apprehensive about Lucy talking to Eddie, but if they were going to be in the same city, they were going to have to make some sort of peace.

* * *

As soon as Lucy glanced at him, Eddie knew she wanted to talk. He wasn’t surprised. Lucy had become very protective of Buck in the time he had been there. He understood why, but he was often on the receiving end of her anger, so he wasn’t yearning to speak to her one-on-one. But if she was going to be in Los Angeles, with a daughter who wanted to be friends with his son, and was important to Buck, he was going to have to do just that.

“So,” Eddie said, rocking back on his heels. 

“I figured we needed to clear the air,” Lucy said. “Mostly on my part.”

“That’s fair,” Eddie said with a nod. “I can’t be sure, but I think you shoved me the first time we met?”

“Oh I absolutely did,” Lucy said and Eddie snorted. “I’ve always been protective of people who end up at Haven Acres, but especially the ones who truly belong there.”

“I get it,” Eddie said. “I probably wouldn’t have liked you at first either if I wasn’t so dumbstruck over him.” Eddie nodded towards Buck, who was showing Sophie one of the fire trucks. He couldn’t help but smile. He was slowly learning that one of his weaknesses with Buck was seeing him with kids. He planted his feet a little firmly on the ground, to keep his knees from buckling as the sight of Buck smiling and carrying Sophie around. He glanced back at Lucy who nodded. 

“I don’t actually have anything against you,” Lucy said. “Especially knowing what I know now from Buck. But I think it would be best to clear the air and start mostly fresh.”

“Mostly because your daughter has already claimed my kid as her best friend?” Lucy chuckled at that. “And I’d like that. After all, you’re important to Buck.” 

“Good,” Lucy said with a smile. “Then I’m sorry for the glares and that one shove.” She extended her hand.

“Apology accepted,” Eddie said, shaking her hand. 

“Thanks,” Lucy said. “Now we should go before Sophie talks Buck into god knows what.”

“We can never let our kids spend a full day with Buck,” Eddie quipped. “He will buy them everything.” Lucy chuckled as they headed over to where Buck and Sophie were.

“All good?” Buck asked as they approached. Lucy glanced at Eddie who just nodded. “Excellent!” And everyone just chuckled at his exuberance and the lightness in the air.

* * *

Buck smiled as he observed everyone at the Grant-Nash household. Bobby was in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the massive feast he and Athena had been working on. Chimney was standing nearby, chatting with Bobby as he worked. 

His eyes continued across the room, catching Hen and Max in a conversation. He smiled seeing that. Max had seemed slightly uncomfortable when he arrived with Lucy. Lucy had spoken with most of the team that day and she had Sophie, which gave her a conversation starter with any of the parents in the room. But Max had looked lost. But now he was talking to Hen and Buck was grateful for Hen’s kindness always, but especially in that moment. 

His eyes caught Eddie, who was outside, assisting May and Maddie with some sort of game for the kids. He couldn’t help the hammering of his heart as he watched Eddie. He actually hoped it never went away, this gooey, head-over-heels feeling. Maddie must’ve noticed Buck staring because she rolled her eyes and then tapped Eddie’s arm. A smile crossed Eddie’s face when he caught Buck’s eyes and Buck smiled back.

“You two are going to be those people, huh?” Buck tore his eyes away from Eddie hearing Lucy’s voice. He had seen her talking with Karen, Athena, and Michael, but she had somehow snuck over to him.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lucy rolled her eyes and smirked. “Enjoying yourself?”

“I am,” Lucy said. “I was telling Athena that I was looking for someone to design and build some extra space for Haven Acres II.” Buck smiled, having a feeling he knew where this was going. “And wouldn’t you know? Her ex-husband is an architect.”

“I did know that actually,” Buck said. “Is he helping out?”

“He is,” Lucy said with a smile. “I’ve got a few places in mind. Off the beaten path of course. Just have to pick one and get started.” Buck nodded. “I was serious about you helping out if you can. I know you have a job, but even if you just pop by…”

“And I was serious when I said you can’t move to my city and not expect to see me.” Lucy smiled at that. He watched her as she sighed a little and looked around the house. She glanced back at him and he tilted his head, wondering what she was thinking.

“You know, I finally understand it.”

“What?” Lucy smiled and glanced back around the house.

“You, them, all of it. I get it now.” Buck smiled. He remembered when Lucy was terrified that Buck was going to leave because he was talking to everyone in LA. He could tell she hadn’t understood why that line of communication was necessary. But now she knew. She understood why that had been important for him. He let his eyes move across the room, noting the faces of everyone there.These people weren’t just friends and co-workers. They were family. And not only that, they were a family who understood him and supported him. And that just made him smile. He looked back at Lucy and she smiled.

“Yeah, me too.” She patted his arm and they stood there in comfortable silence, observing these people who were so important to him.

* * *

Some hours later, Eddie was sitting on the bed in his room, absent-mindedly staring at his phone. Christopher had taken his phone at some point and had taken what seemed like a million photos. Most were blurry shots of the party, people’s legs or arms. There were a handful of selfies that May had clearly taken based on the angle of the camera, of all the kids at the party. They were pretty good photos and Eddie had to remember to text them to Hen and Athena. 

But there were also several photos of Buck and Christopher. He hadn’t figured out which one of them took the photo, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was the look on each of their faces. Christopher had the grin on his face that always accompanied his giggles. His arms were slung around Buck, who was holding him close. Buck was also smiling, but it was the twinkling in his eyes that kept getting him. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed how utterly perfect Buck’s eyes were. They were like oceans and Eddie was ready to drown in them. 

“What are you staring at?” He looked up from his phone to see Buck was leaning in the doorway. Eddie just smiled as Buck entered the room, closing the door behind him. 

“Photos from the party,” Eddie said as Buck settled on the bed next to him. “This one’s my favorite.” He turned his phone to Buck and Buck just grinned. 

“Yeah Christopher looks pretty cute in that photo.” Eddie just hummed and Buck glanced back at him. “Unless something else caught your attention?” Eddie rolled his eyes and put his phone down. He tugged on the front of Buck’s shirt, pulling him closer to press a kiss to his lips. Buck just sighed against his lips and Eddie smiled. “So it was something else.”

“Asshole,” Eddie muttered against his lips. Buck chuckled and kissed him again. Then he was tugging Eddie to lie down. Eddie complied and then they were lying facing each other, Buck’s hand skimming up and down his arm. 

“Thank you for tonight. And today.” Eddie smiled. “I was terrified that I would come back to work and everyone would be so keen on things going back to normal that they’d ignore it again.”

“We all handled things wrong months ago,” Eddie said. “I’m glad we got to do it right.” Buck nodded, his hand dropping to Eddie’s waist. He ran the pad of his thumb along a patch of his skin that had been exposed by his shirt riding up. Eddie shivered a little from the feeling but pulled Buck closer to him.

“Hey Buck?” Buck’s hand stopped and he glanced up at Eddie. “You’re really here to stay, right? You’re not going to leave us again?” Buck smiled, his blues eyes twinkling like rippling waves. He pressed a kiss to Eddie’s lips, his hand resting against Eddie’s face. Eddie just watched him, waiting for the answer.

“I’ve got everything I need here,” Buck said as a smile crossed Eddie’s face. “My job, Haven Acres, my family, Christopher, you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” Eddie pressed another kiss to his lips, his hand resting over Buck’s. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” His hand dropped to Eddie’s side, pulling their bodies flush together, and then letting his arm hook over Eddie’s waist. They both started to drift off to sleep, content smiles on their faces.

They were together and they were happy. Everything was as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again! Also, maybe this will become a series? Not sure yet. Feel free to scream at me on my Tumblr about why or why not I should do that.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](https://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


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